Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Is it wrong to be happy when your kid's bad?



Coloring on stuff you shouldn't is pretty typical little-kid behavior. Only Max never was able to engage because he had so much trouble grasping crayons and markers.

Lately, less so. I came into the playroom and found he'd magic-markered his keyboard. In purple, of course.

Max had this big grin on his face. I said, as seriously as I could, "Max, you are not supposed to color on the keyboard!" But inside, I was doing cartwheels. How absolutely, positively awesome that he is able to independently color all over a keyboard (um, not that I would have given him a hand with that).

I've written before about the time Max chucked some bread in a restaurant and Dave and I cheered him on. It's hard not to get excited like that, as warped as it may sound. Yeah, SuperNanny would have a field day with us. Then again, SuperNanny has no clue what it's like to desperately want your child to do stuff, even "bad" stuff. Worry not, if Max starts lighting fires in his bedroom or robbing banks or partying with Paris Hilton, I will not support that behavior. Nope, not one bit.

Max was actually very happy to help wipe his keyboard clean.

I love that Bad Boy Max.

26 comments:

  1. Holy GOODNESS no it isn't wrong. I think that my parenting makes other parents kinda angry because I am fine with so many things that they wouldn't or I wouldn't had I not had a special kiddo. And isn't it cool when they do something that is so little but we are SOOOO excited.!

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  2. Bad boy Max - sounds like it's time to get him a leather jacket and send him to Rydell High with the other greasers. In all seriousness, of course you aren't wrong! The first time Daniel used purposefully used his left hand was to knock (and smash to bits) a treasured ornament from his aunt's Christmas tree. I did scold him, but then picked him up and ran cheering around the house.
    Misbehaving is "normal," and we want our children to do "normal" things, after all.

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  3. If SuperNanny was ever told Your child will never do anything (Blackmail from even the finest doctor) then she would probably sit up.

    James J Messina, who was from United Cerebral Palsy, and someone I trust in these matters, said:

    "Even if the behaviour is cute and something you have waited a long time to see ..."

    And fires and sleeping with Paris Hilton are probably not cute.

    People do colour in their keyboards (in fact teachers use colour to teach their kids the notes). And David and Margaret Helfgott were allowed to draw on the walls when very young.

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  4. Go, Max! I know that feeling, and cheered (inwardly) when my son used a Sharpie to decorate my bathroom. And my living room carpet. Horrible, yes. Wonderful, also yes.

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  5. Definitely not bad. Ashlea had an almighty tantrum because she wanted to play Abba Singstar with my sister. We were so excited that she was able to tell us exactly what she wanted, and that she was having a regular childhood temper tantrum rather than screaming for no reason, that she got to play Singstar immediately!

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  6. I definitely agree with Jo on this one 100%. I remember when Jailen started having tantrums & being whiny when going through "the terrible twos". I was ecstatic about that. My feelings were like a child on Christmas morning seeing the presents under the tree for the first time. My baby was going through a "normal" phase!! Now he likes to shred paper...any paper. I work from home, so sometimes it's a paper that I really needed. (hahaha)But I'm ok with that because it means he must have pretty good control over his hands & fingers. I think some rules just have to be broken when it comes to these special angels. :)

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  7. I've had that same feeling of joy when my son has been doing something "naughty" many a time :) Walls are much easier to scribble on than a piece of paper on the table.......

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  8. Now ellen, if Max starts bringing home girls that ride Harleys and smoke, from school, I want you to do something!LOL! So cute.

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  9. My son is five but is just now becoming a 2 year old and it is so exciting. He now clears shelves and leaves a general path of destruction behind him as he scoots around the house. My husband and I are so excited he is able to do this!

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  10. Last week I was admonishing my developmentally delayed almost three year old for diving head first off the sofa. She knew it was wrong and kept wriggling and avoiding my gaze so I sat her on my lap and held her shoulders so he had to make eye contact. I said "No you are going to listen to this. Its very dangerous..." when she clamped her fingers in her ears. Words cannot explain the joy I felt when my daughter who does not talk, point or sign showed me that she understood what I was saying. And I laughed. I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it.

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  11. It's hard to know where to draw the line, isn't it? We got really, really excited when Connor started throwing his toys on the floor-- picking the toys up and moving them to one side was a new skill.

    After picking 8,000 toys up off the floor it's not quite so cute any more. Oh well.

    ~Jess

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  12. We used to try so hard not to laugh at Kennedy...She would be painting or something and would be all wobbly...we would say watch out Kennedy dont get that in your hair...then she would purposely raise it up and paint her hair. It took a lot just for her to do that so I sure as heck am not going to yell.

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  13. Max, that was a PURPLE marker you used too wasn't it? Mom might have been a little perturbed about you coloring, but hey she had you clean it up so you got to see purple go on AND see purple go off :)
    Who said pianos had to be boring black and white anyway?

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  14. Oh I know, having to pretend to be cross and correct the behaviour when inside we are jumping for joy. I hope you get many more of those experiences, in a nice way of course:) Jen.

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  15. I just happened upon your blog and absolutely love it! My husband and I have 4 special needs adopted kids, although with mood disorders rather than physical disabilities. However, parenting a child that is different is very similar regardless of the source of the disability. I appreciate your transparency and honesty. You rock!

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  16. You didn't need to be mad...but you did need to make him clean it up! Which I see you did!

    Go Max go!

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  17. If one of my kids ended up with Paris Hilton, I'd tell 'em to marry her quick as a wink (get her loaded so there's no pre-nup!) and then get keys to all her vacation pads, so the relatives could use them when she's not around! She's RICH...we'd be set for life! Old Paris would learn all about marrying INTO the family! Ha ha! So long as she put her drawers on around the grandparents, that is!

    Did Max use the purple sponge to clean up the keyboard? Tee hee!

    Time for some of that chalkboard paint and purple chalk, perhaps?
    Chalkboard paint:
    http://www.rustoleum.com/CBGProduct.asp?pid=103

    They make TINTABLE paint now, too--you can have a ... PURPLE CHALKBOARD...if you'd like!!! They're only selling it in a few states, so far, but I'll bet that will change soon...

    http://www.magnamagic.com/

    And then, when spring comes, there's THIS! You, too, could be the first in your neighborhood to have a (temporary) PURPLE SIDEWALK!

    http://www.crayola.com/mediacenter/index.cfm?display=press_release&news_id=201

    Here's my take on coloring on the walls and "stuff"--if they're not using POOP to create their artwork, you're a hundred miles ahead of the game--really. Go forth, little Rembrant, and CREATE!

    It helps that their rooms don't have anything remotely resembling an heirloom in them, of course!

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  18. I took pictures the first time my son colored on the walls. I was so thrilled! We also cheered when he would climb, all by himself, onto the coffee table in the family room.

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  19. Three cheers for getting into trouble!

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  20. I guess you take what encouragement you can no matter what form it comes in.

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  21. I LOVE it when Luke does something typical. I even email his school team to let them know. In Luke's situation these things are usually signs of developemental growth.

    That said, I usually try to correct the behavor as I would with my typicals.

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  22. I love this post! Smiles!!!

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  23. I just read another post you wrote about Max peeing on the potty (!!!) and you mentioned that your kids do just about anything to get out of going to bed. It got me thinking... Lately when I tell my bird that's it's time to head upstairs for bed, she's suddenly "soooo hungry". "Eat something! I need to eat!" Or when it's time to put shoes on for school: "I'm tired! I'm hungry!" At first I just got annoyed, but this is something that (gulp) "normal" kids do! Every so often she'll do something that is so normal for her age and I'm blown away- even if it's something 'bad'. I'm so grateful for the perspective and to be able to celebrate the everyday accomplishments that typical parents of typical kids might miss.
    2 summers ago (age 3.5) she was halfway down the slide when she seemed to have changed her mind. She shouted "oh shit!" I got excited and ran to her speech therapist the very next day and exclaimed, "two words- together!!"
    It's the little things...

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  24. I had the same experience today, only it was a green marker and her face, hands, the bed. I didn't even pretend to be mad.

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  25. I know you posted this awhile ago, but I just came across it and had to laugh! My son (age 6 and with multiple disabilities) ventured into the kitchen while I was upstairs for a brief moment and began helping himself to the chocolate chip cookies I had just baked. Kyle NEVER goes into the kitchen by himself so when I came downstairs and caught his hand "in the cookie jar", I was not upset at all and was rejoicing on the inside that he did something like this!

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Thanks for sharing!



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