Thursday, February 21, 2019

33 ways to feel more chill when you're stuck in the same-old life

Viral cat videos. There are always viral cat videos. And ones with kids doing funny stuff. These are fast lifter-uppers when I feel overwhelmed but don't have much time to relax. Dabbing a citrus essential oil on my temples and the back of neck also gives me a boost. Most awesome of all: when my DH takes our children out for a couple of hours over the weekend. Being alone in the house—and being actually able to actually hear my own thoughts—zens me out, even if I end up just picking up after everyone.

I recently asked my Facebook moms group what helps people chill out during their nonstop days. These are the go-tos that never fail to bring the calm, at least for a little while. Who knew tapping was a thing?!

1. "Facing the sun. I open the shades and just face it, like I am tanning myself."

2. "Listening to music while taking a hot shower."

3. "Planning my next trip, no matter how far off it is."

4. "The Headspace meditation app."

5. "Talking to someone who I know will make me laugh."

6. "Petting my dog—or, if I'm out of the house, looking at photos of my dog that I keep on my phone."

7. "Coloring in one of those finely detailed adult coloring books."

8. "Hugging my peeps."

9. "Podcasts! My recos are Happier, Code Switch and My Dad Wrote a Porno—I've laughed so hard I almost drove off the road. Believe me there is really nothing sexy about it, you'll laugh your butt off."

10. "EFT—the emotional freedom technique, which involves tapping."

11. "Cooking a meal I've never made before."

12. "Getting lost in a book."

13. "Fresh air! Taking a walk. And chocolate, of course."

14. "Weirdly, even if it's 50 items long, writing a list of everything that I feel stressed about or that I need/want to do gives me comfort."

15. "When I need to shut down for a bit I use a hypnosis app by Andrew Johnson called Relax."

16. "Sorting through piles of mail."

17. "Trashy TV—The Bachelorette or Housewives."

18. "Wheel-throwing pottery—I take classes."

19. "Going for a drive."

20. "Brewing loose leaf hot tea."

21. "Doing puzzles."

22. "ASMR videos."

23. "Running is lifesaving. I'm not even very good at it, and my hips sure do hurt, but it still grounds me like nothing else."

24. "My husband holding my hand."

25. "Working in the yard."

26. "Doing something creative—taking photos, writing poetry, silly dancing with my girls."

27. "Carole King's Tapestry album."

28. "A session with the Calm meditation app."

29. "Eating pudding."

30. "I don't feel like I can ever relax properly at home, even if someone is watching our son. It's like there is always something to do or on my mind. I need to get out! Massages, swimming laps, attending a meditation class."

31. "Knitting, especially an easy pattern where I don't really have to think too much."

32. "SoulCycle class or a pilates session."

33. "Going to bed early!"

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

A person with intellectual disability denied an organ transplant

The other night, I was talking with someone about the tough time I went through after Max was born. I noted that nothing had prepared me for having a child with disabilities. Growing up, I didn't know any children who were disabled. Over time, I got the sense that society largely considered people with disabilities lesser human beings, and then realized it once I had Max. In the sixteen years that I've been raising him, attitudes and perceptions have shifted—but we've still got a long way to go, as is evident from a story making headlines.

In the fall of 2018, the Office for Civil Rights (OSR) at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services received a complaint that involved an individual with intellectual disability, according to a statement the OSR released. This person was in need of a heart transplant, but an on-staff doctor at the University of North Carolina Health Care system had deemed they were not a good candidate for the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) list. Why? Because of their developmental learning disabilities and the fact they do not live independently. The complaint noted that the person would eventually die without the transplant.

My heart ached when I read that. This person is similar to my Max, who has intellectual disability and who will likely not live independently as an adult. Max is a happy, enthusiastic, adventure-loving boy. He is full of life, and to think that anyone would deem someone like him unworthy of living is really, really hard to wrap my head around. To be sure, there are doctors out there who have a God complex. But it is not within anyone's right to decide who gets to live and who gets to die based on a person's abilities or their genetic makeup.

As hard as it is to believe there's a need to state something this basic, here goes: No person deserves a death sentence because of a disability.

Earlier this year, the UNC Health Care system agreed that the medical records of the person in need of the heart transplant would be amended, and it would be clear that they are eligible for placement on the transplant list. Also: The Office for Civil Rights will be providing assistance to them on the development of their transplant eligibility policy. i.e., teaching them to get a clue. Hopefully, the news about this case will make other health care systems think twice about any dubious decisions concerning people with disabilities.

Disability rights and doctors have been on my mind because last week, I chatted with disability advocate Sheryl Grossman, who was preparing to fight the potential legalization of assisted suicide in Maryland. Sheryl has a rare genetic condition. , "I know the societal barriers—stigma and discrimination—that we face," she's testified. "Our lives are often seen as being worse quality of life and less worth than others. Doctors' whole profession see us as broken and something to be fixed." She tells of a doctor who once said to her, "I don't understand why you want to live like this, in and out of hospital for years." The answer, Sheryl says, is "I love my life." It is wrong, so wrong, to judge the challenges people with disabilities deal with to be ones that completely obliterate their quality of life.

As parents of children with disabilities, we often see worth that other people may not. And yet, my news feed is filled with accomplishments. A woman becomes the first openly autistic person to practice law in Florida. A woman with Down syndrome finishes her third Austin half-marathon. A third-year student at William & Mary Law School with autism will compete to become the next Miss Virginia. A young girl with cerebral palsy walks the runway at London Fashion Week. And that's just the stuff I caught. Every day, everywhere, people with disabilities make a difference in this world. Even when they are not doing anything particularly notable and just existing (you know, like the vast majority of humanity), they have a right to life as much as any of us do.

The hippocratic oath that many medical students take states, "I will follow that system of regimen which, according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patients, and abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous." I'd say that condemning someone to die for having an intellectual disability is way more than "deleterious." As OCR director Roger Severino said, "Every life is precious and no one should be blocked from access to an organ transplant because of stereotypes about persons with disabilities."

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Just two boys on a joy trip to California

Dave and Max have this boy trip thing going on. It started four years ago, when Max got it into his head that he wanted to visit Chicago. Dave cashed in some airline points, and off they went.

Then Max set his sights on Vegas, and to this day we are not sure why. And so, Vegas, baby!. After that, Max snookered Dave into taking him to Florida—Dave has a friend who lives near Orlando, conveniently enough. Saturday, the two of them headed to California, to visit Disneyland and another friend of Dave's in Studio City—Max has winter break this week. He looks ecstatic in every pic Dave has texted me.

I just adore that the two of them are traveling buddies. Five years ago, when Max first visited Disneyland (basically a pilgrimage for him, because he was obsessed with Lightning McQueen), I don't think any of us could have imagined that there would come a time when Max and Dave would be jet-setting on their own.

Max no longer gets restless on plane rides. He has more stamina for walking around. He doesn't get that distressed by crowds. He's not scared of rides at theme parks—he even went on that Disneyland bobsled roller coaster, the one in the dark. He likes to stay up late. And he's happy to be off on an adventure. Actually, thrilled.

From our 2014 trip: Max's I'm-not-so-sure-about-this-ride look. I miss those cheeks.

My dad loved to travel, and he passed that along to me. Now Max has wanderlust, and it's all sorts of amazing (thankfully, Dave has a stash of air miles built up from business trips). Travel is an education all its own. It heightens Max's curiosity about life, and emboldens him to try new things. Dave told me that at breakfast yesterday, Max made his own waffle. He'd walked up to the machine, poured in a cupful of batter, closed it and turned it. Dave helped him get it out.

Those of you who know Max likely have a question on your mind at this point. And the answer is: Yes! Max would like to move to California.

Friday, February 15, 2019

The Disability Blogger Weekend Link-up: read on

What to do if you're new  

This is a place to share a recent favorite post you've written or read. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post. Where it says "Your name" put the name of the blog followed by the title of the post you want to share (or just the name of the post, if there's no room—you get 80 characters).

Like this: Teachers being this cruel to children with disabilities: just despicable

Where it says "Your URL" put the direct link to the post.

Click "Enter." Leave a comment if you want to say more. Go check out some great posts.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Valentines for people who enable my child with disabilities and even those who don't

To my daughter and little guy: This valentine is for you for being siblings who help, tease, hug, push, insult and otherwise treat their big brother like any sibling.

To All The Therapists: There are not enough valentines in the world to thank you for guiding, enabling and encouraging my child—and for showing me how to enable him. I heart you with all my heart.

To the secretaries and assistants at the specialists offices: This valentine is for finding a way to squeeze my child in despite the fact that we were told there were no openings for, like, 50 years.

To the parents whose children speak with my son like they are talking with any peer and who do not act demeaningly or talk in a baby-ish way: a valentine to you for raising your children right. They will be better people because they understand that there is a glorious range of abilities, and that's what makes the world a good place.

To my friends, who are always there to listen to me vent about the challenges of raising a child with disabilities and offer me perspective. You make me a more sane mom. ❤️ you!

To the teachers at Max's school, including the ones who stay late to run programs: a valentine to you for all that you do. There is a reason he is excited to go to school every single day. 

To the people who run Friendship Circle and other programs Max loves: our hearts are full of gratitude for you.

To the people who have refused to include my son in activities and programs: this is a valentine for you because you need a heart.

To my mom and sister: You have been Max's cheerleaders literally since day one. I went through the hardest time of my life after he was born, and you were there to make me focus on how cute he was, feel less anxious about his future and do laundry. Your valentine is for having the most loving hearts. BTW, you are still welcome to do laundry.

To the firefighters at our local station who always happily greet Max when he visits, call him Fireman Max, let him check out his favorite truck (#31) and treat him like a friend: you're the best, and this valentine's for you.


To the people I've connected with on this blog and Facebook who've commiserated, comforted and offered tips on everything from the best socks for orthotics to dealing with school bus situations: here's a Valentine to the nicest, most supportive people I have never met.

To anyone who gives me iced-coffee: Thank you from the bottom of my sleep-deprived heart for keeping me on life support.

To the teacher who continuously referred to my child as "smart guy"—you made him truly believe in himself, and so you're both our valentines.

To the staffer at the orthopedist's office who went there at 4:45 a.m. on a cold December morning to accept a very delayed delivery from FedEx of Max's orthotics because we were leaving on vacation and needed them: this valentine's for you because you are supremely awesome.

To the people who offer my son donuts and other free stuff because they feel sorry for him: this valentine's for you because although your heart is in the right place, your mindset is not. Please do not pity my child. He is happy with who he is. I love him for who he is.

To the staffers at the camps Max attends every summer who make him gleefully happy: A great big valentine to you, sandwiched between a s'more.

To the school district coordinator who has guided me through IEPs and made sure my son is getting what he needs and deserves at school: I adore you for all the heart and soul you put into your job. Happy Valentine's Day!

To the guys at the car wash who let us run our car through three times in a row when our son was obsessed with car washes and only charged us for one: here's a valentine. Every time we drive by, we have feels.

To Dr. Doom and Dr.  Gloom in the NICU: When you told me and my husband the worst about our child when he was born, it took a long time for us to find hope in our hearts. This valentine is for you because I forgive you. Also: YOU SHOULD SEE HIM NOW.

To my husband: You are my best friend and Max's too. Who else is going to roam around with him at Home Depot on Sunday nights? Take him on a joy trip to California just because? Make sure he gets regular fixes of eel sushi? Y-o-u. Women often say that they fell in love with their partners even more once they saw them as parents. I know that feeling: I can still picture you standing in the delivery room holding Max and staring wondrously at him and how blissed out that made me. I can also picture just how devastated you looked when we found out what happened to him—and how you have been there for him every single step of the way. My love for you continues to grow because you are the most supportive, caring, empathetic, loving dad. And also because you bring me iced coffee.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

He says it's easy, and who am I to disagree

Max may have been the only teen in the U.S. in recent history who did homework with Barry Manilow in the background. Our sitter loves him, and Max is now into Barry  as well. I mean, "At the Copa! Copacabana!" is not the worst background music for doing math, although I draw the line at "Mandy."

Anyhoo, Max usually uses his iPad and SnapType for homework. His teacher at school takes a pic of a worksheet with the app, and then Max can type or write on it. She sends the worksheet home, too, just in case. The other night, after Max had typed some prices on a money worksheet, he grabbed his English worksheet and said he wanted to write out the words.

Max's writing is getting increasingly legible, but in my mind, typing things out is easier for him.
When he writes he's grasping the pencil with all his might (it's wrapped in foam tubing) and focusing hard on forming letters while his right hand—his less strong one—holds the paper in place.

"Why do you want to write if you can use your iPad?" I asked.

"It's easy," he said.

I was about to point out that using the app was easier, but I stopped myself. I mean, I had no place telling him that—it's my perception. If he believes writing is easier, then it is. I think pride may play into it. Max has been working on handwriting in OT at school, and he's pleased with himself that it's coming along.

It's true that his teacher would find typed text more legible, but this particular assignment involved breaking down compound words and she'd be able to discern he'd gotten the answers right so I also held back on pointing that out. Perceiving how other people perceive him is generally a work in process for Max. He often insists on speaking even his speech app is handy, because he wants people to understand his speech.

For whatever reason, right now Max finds that handwriting words for homework is easier. And so be it.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Teachers being this cruel to children with disabilities: just despicable

"I ought to backhand you right in your teeth. How is that for anxiety?"

"I'm going to pull your hair until you start crying."

If you think that's dialogue straight out of a TV prison sitcom, you are sadly wrong. That is the sound of two instructors in a special education classroom talking to children, as reported by WJLA news. They were exposed by the mother of a 6-year-old girl who has autism and is nonverbal. Mom Amber Pack sent her daughter in with a hidden recording device in her hair after the child didn't want to go back to school.

"Don't throw it. Don't throw. You animal you."

"You wench. You're like a pygmy. You're like a pygmy thing."

"I'm'ma a knock you out."

The school is Berkeley Heights Elementary School in Martinsburg, West Virginia. In October, Amber posted a brief clip on her Facebook page from the eight-hour recording. (At minute 1:36, you can hear a woman saying "I'll punch you in your face" and at minute 1:52 you hear "shut up.") While the investigation continues, the local Prosecutor's Office found no criminal wrongdoing—under West Virginia law, verbal abuse of children is not a criminal act, notes The Journal. (From what I've read, states handle situations like this in different ways.) The Office for Civil Rights of the U.S. Department of Education has opened its own investigation.

The instructors' behavior isn't just assault, it's bullying. In some instances, when bullying is based on disability, race or ethnicity, color, national origin, sex or religion, it overlaps with harassment and schools must legally address it. (Here's more information on StopBullying.) 

Amber's daughter and another child in that class have since moved on to other schools. Three of the instructors involved are on paid administrative leave. 

You're an educator? As in, you've signed up to work with children? Children with disabilities, who can be extra vulnerable? And you think it's OK to threaten them with bodily harm and call them names and be derisive and demeaning toward them?


Verbal abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. And children with disabilities are thought to be abused more frequently than children without disabilities, according to the nonprofit Prevent Child Abuse America. "Children with disabilities may be perceived as less valuable than other children," notes the group's fact sheet. "Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect."
Sadly, this is not an isolated incident—reports of teacher abuse crop up in the news on occasion, often involving students who have autism.

To be sure, the instructors in the West Virginia incident are just a few bad eggs. They should sll be fired, at the very least, and made to permanently stay far away from students. Even if they are never found guilty in a court of law, I hope they can do some reflecting in the court of their souls. 

Monday, February 11, 2019

A virtual reality experience of what it's like to have autism

You couldn't possibly know what it's like to have autism or cerebral palsy or Down syndrome unless you are a person with autism or cerebral palsy or Down syndrome. But maybe if people had some sense of what it's like, they might have a better understanding of people with disabilities. That's the idea behind the Autism Reality Experience (ARE). For the last couple of years, the mobile van offering the virtual experience has traveled around England and Canada, and it's making a visit to the United States in March.

The ARE was created with input from people with autism. Families and professionals alike have been trying the experience, which includes a sense of what the sensory processing challenges people with autism feel like. Participants wear gloves and headphones, watch a video with noises as lights flash and then perform a series of tasks. There is a three-hour program option that explores people's reactions to the experience and how senses can be affected by autism and offers anxiety reduction techniques for autism and behavior management techniques.

Here's the anchor of a Canadian morning show checking out the ARE:

I'd hope that anyone trying the experience is made to understand that no two people with autism are alike, and that the stimulation of sensory overload isn't the exact reality of how people with autism experience it. Still, there is a real lack of understanding out there of why people with autism and other disabilities behave the way they do, and hopefully it will open minds.

The Autism Reality Experience will be doing a three-day tour March first through March 3 at ReClif, a fitness-based therapy and community center for people with autism (here's more info).

Image: Autism Reality Experience

Friday, February 8, 2019

The Disability Blogger Weekend Link-up is here for you

What to do if you're new  

This is a place to share a recent favorite post you've written or read. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post. Where it says "Your name" put the name of the blog followed by the title of the post you want to share (or just the name of the post, if there's no room—you get 80 characters).

Like this: Officers calm an autistic man by singing and dancing: what people can learn from this story

Where it says "Your URL" put the direct link to the post.

Click "Enter." Leave a comment if you want to say more. Go check out some great posts.

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Officers calm an autistic man by singing and dancing: what people can learn from this story

In my sixteen years of raising Max, I've had a fair number of encounters with strangers who stared, made comments about Max or otherwise acted rudely. But I've also had some great moments with ones who have treated him respectfully and accommodated his needs. I still remember the Transportation Authority agent at the Orlando Airport who helped us navigate the security line before Max melted down. "I have a child with autism," she told me. "I know how it goes."

There are good, decent people everywhere, of course, but there's nothing quite like connecting with ones who have children with disabilities in their families. They just know. I was reminded of this because of a story in the news. Ellen and Robert Hughes live in Chicago with their son Walker, 33, who has autism. Walker is a "gentle" type, as Ellen notes in her blog On Autism and Other Things, but he'd been acting violent one recent day and they headed to the hospital. They'd later find out he'd been having a reaction to medication.

As the family entered the ER at Loyola Medical Center, Walker bit his mom's hand hard. She screamed and suddenly a group of safety officers converged on them. "Like all autism parents, especially those with jumpy, nonverbal, 6'3" guys like our son Walker, my husband Robert and I can easily imagine how things often can go wrong very quickly when the police get involved," she wrote. That brings to mind Robert Ethan Saylor, a 26-year-old man with Down syndrome who grew distressed at a movie theater; police handcuffed him on his stomach on the ground, and he died of asphyxiation.

Things were not going well. Walker tried to jump off the examination table and escape. Instead of restraining him, though, the officers turned it into a game. As Ellen described it:

"Walker gets up!" they cheered.
They helped him sit back down.
"Walker sits down."
And he did.

"Walker scoots back."
He did.

"Walker lies down."
"High fives all around."
And, amazingly, Walker smiled and high-fived every one of them.

The officers repeated the routine again and again. Then they sang to him and danced. By the time Walker left, he was calm.

As it turned out, a sergeant on duty at Loyola that night had a son with autism, reports Chicago Tribute columnist Mary Schmich. When Walker mentioned Mary Poppins, he realized that music could help, why he sang everything to him from the Mr. Rogers' theme song to James Brown. Sgt. Miller stayed by Walker's side the entire time, and he was "clearly essential to this success," Ellen said.

The Hughes were lucky that Sgt. Miller was on call that night—but this wasn't just about him. The officers around him had a handle on how to respond, too, because Sgt. Miller had trained them. He'd taught them, among other things, that no two people with autism are alike and to gauge responses accordingly.  "It's amazing what a team of highly-trained, combat-ready, loving policemen can do," Ellen observed.

As the parent of a child with disabilities, I know how lucky this family was that someone there totally got it. I hope that, as this story goes viral, it helps others see that being sensitive to the needs of individuals with autism and other disabilities can go a long way. But something else important happened here: a whole group of people were able to respond appropriately, with empathy and ingenuity, because they'd learned about people with autism. They responded to the person, not the behavior. This is yet another wakeup call for the need to train law officers and emergency responders on interacting with people who have disabilities.

Once again, I'm sitting here aching for a world where people understand our children's behaviors and differences, instead of fearing them. We won't always be around to protect them.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

A new game that makes speech therapy fun

Speech therapy isn't always fun and games, but speech therapists in Max's life have tried to make it as enjoyable and engaging as possible. Over the years they've played games like Hedbanz and Zingo, used conversation cards, told stories involving fire trucks and other interests he has, used puppets, and tried bubbles and fun whistles. (This Pinterest board has a ton of ideas.) Apps can also make speech therapy exciting. (Here's one list of good ones and here's another.) Now there's a new trend: gamified therapy that utilizes technology.

I just read an article about a really cool game in the works, Amplify, geared towards children with cerebral palsy. It's an adventure game in which children move the story forward using voice therapy exercises. In one scene, patients get into a singing contest with the Phantom of The Opera and have to make an extended "ah" sound. Once they complete the sound, they can move on with the game.

Amplify will use the voice-assisted technology of Google's AIY Voice Kit. The University of Southern California brains who came up with the game are working on a prototype and then they'll trial it.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

What you wanted to be when you grew up

I only watched bits and pieces of the Super Bowl, but I did manage to catch a bunch of the ads. The Walmart Store Pickup commercial was a fave. My stepfather-in-law and his son were visiting and we all laughed as we shouted out the name of the cars—Batmobile! Knight Rider! Dumb and Dumber! Scobby Doo!—we recognized. It was a clever commercial that made me think about how I used to want to be an advertising copywriter. 


Growing up, I thought I'd be a nursery school teacher. I always loved children. I babysat starting in fifth grade and worked as a day camp counselor the summer of sixth grade. My eighth-grade teacher got me into creative writing and advertising, after we did a project on different kinds of ads. In high school, a class taught by the eccentric and outspoken Dr. Zamichow was formative; I discovered that I enjoyed funny essays (I idolized Andy Rooney and Dave Barry), and he encouraged me. Once, when a student griped about not knowing what a "good" essay was, Dr. Z had me stand up and read one I'd written about the rising cost of making phone calls. I still remember how proud that made me feel. Math stumped and frustrated me, but I could write. I won the Creative Writing Award when I graduated.

In college, I temped at a big NYC ad agency during summer and winter breaks. I loved the fast-paced, cool vibe, and thought I'd be a copywriter. Somewhere along the way I decided to go into magazines—I read my mom's Ladies' Home Journal more closely than she did—and I ended up becoming an editor. My first job was at Redbook Magazine (R.I.P.). I've been lucky to work in a field that I adore with a whole lot of smart, fascinating people. Along the way, I've also written for a bunch of magazines and websites and, hello, gave birth to a blog. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I thought it would be fun to have five kids. Or maybe eight! Three turned out to be just right. I couldn't have imagined I'd have a child with disabilities, but then, I couldn't have imagined how amazing he would be—and that he'd enable me to understand that a world with people of all abilities is a very good world.

I'm grateful to have two jobs that I love, although three of my bosses (Max, Sabrina and Ben) can be pretty tough on me. So, what did you want to be when you were growing up?

Photo: Getty/Peter Dazeley

Monday, February 4, 2019

How these parents are building a home for their disabled adult children

Occasionally, the what-will-happen-to-him anxiety flares up, as happened recently when I watched the transit bus arrive for a woman with Down syndrome in our neighborhood. She lives with her elderly mom, and takes the bus to her job daily. I wondered which of her siblings would be there for her when her mom passed. Then I started wondering, once again, where Max might someday live. Once, I found the group home closest to where we lived, parked outside and sat there, as if that could tell me anything.

I was heartened to recently read an NPR piece about a group of parents in Wisconsin who have banded together to build a community for their adult children with disabilities, Home Of Our Own (HOOO). "If we wait for our government and public institutions to provide homes and security for our children, they will never get what they need and deserve," says Susan Wallitsch, an attorney and mom to Frank, 27, who has autism. Like many parents of adult children with disabilities, she faced grim prospects for housing her son. Group homes have a wait list. Seeking funding to set Frank up in an apartment with a caregiver would isolate him. And so, she and a group of fellow parents in the same situation banded together and made things happen. Amazing things.

Frank, center, with his parents Mark and Susan at right and Merissa, a favorite support person, to the left 

Six years in the making, HOOO is not housing complex but an integrated, intentional rental community. "Integration, social interaction and sharing of time and talents is the underlying premise behind this project," says Susan. "The idea is to encourage and facilitate as many planned and natural interactions as possible, so that residents feel like they are truly part of a larger, cohesive community." This integration, she says, will be "an antidote to loneliness and isolation." By integrating different populations, "the quality of life for everybody will be enhanced." 

Phase One of the community in New Glarus, WI, will consist of 40 units—townhome-style independent apartments with one, two and three bedrooms. Ten units will be dedicated to people with autism, cerebral palsy and other disabilities who require substantial support. The other 30 units will be available to working Wisconsin residents who are in need of affordable housing and active seniors, and possibly, Wallitsch says, adults with disabilities in need of less support. Common areas will include a community room with a kitchen for the entire community; a smaller, sensory-adapted community room; walking paths; raised beds for communal gardening; a picnic/grill area; and a shared laundry room.

Rents at SOOO will range from $408 to $1250 a month, with the lowest-priced units subsidized and earmarked for people with disabilities. A local group, Integrity Residential Services, has signed on to provide residential support services. Residents will be able to utilize state-administered Medicaid dollars to hire service providers of their choice. The hope is to break ground for HOOO in the summer of 2020.

The idea for the community was hatched when Susan, attorney friend Mary Anne Oemichen (who also has an adult child with autism), several other parents and a caregiver started meeting at a coffee shop. "All of our families are from local communities and wanted their loved ones to remain in a rural setting close to home," says Susan. "The idea for a complex I think was first suggested by our caregiver, Kim, based on a model she was researching called The Generation House," she continues. "We were all looking at different models from the U.S., France and Scandinavia, and all contributed our ideas until we felt we had a great, workable plan. We also spent time visiting co-housing apartments, group homes and larger facilities such as St. Coletta and Bittersweet Farms."

What followed was many, many hours of project development. Things fell into place when the group succeeded in getting the nonprofit the Wisconsin Housing Preservation Corp to come onboard. It secured an option on a six-acre plot of land, got architectural renderings and contributed $500,000. Southwestern Wisconsin Community Action Program is serving as the umbrella and fiscal agent until HOOO is approved for 501c3 status (as a nonprofit). The cost of the project—$8.5 million—will be largely financed, says Susan, "by federal tax credit financing, utilizing investors who will receive the credits in exchange for their investments." There is $1,00,000 gap between the anticipated costs and what the tax credits will cover. The families are fundraising for another $500,000, and are up to $70,000. 

The group now consists of some15 families, grandparents and Kim, the caregiver. To date, more than two dozen people and families have expressed interest in residency at HOOO. "We have also been contacted by about 50 families nationwide interested in learning more about the project and possibly starting something similar in their community," says Susan. The HOOO's project is replicable across the country, she notes, "because it leverages federal tax credit financing combined with private fundraising to fill the gap, and offers affordable rents."

I asked Susan what advice she'd have for parents of children nearing adulthood who are concerned about their futures, and she generously outlined the planning process that went into creating HOOO. 

• First, meet weekly with a group of dedicated people with diverse skills. Charge modest monthly dues, $5 to $10 dollars per person. You will need money for photocopying, postage, printing and some travel and conference fees. This way one or two families don't get stuck paying for everything. • Really get to know the dreams and needs of the differently abled people represented. 
• Divide up research of existing models and have each person share what they learn about the model, what they like and don't like. Develop a clear and detailed vision as a group that is wonderful for everyone, don't compromise on anything at this point.  
• Find a well established non-profit with experience in housing to act as a fiscal agent and mentor—this was our first really big break.  
• Locate the community you would like to build in and target a parcel of land. Approach the Plan Commission of that community and request a letter of "concept approval." Having identified a good building site and having a letter of concept approval made our project very attractive to our developer.  
• Now you are ready to approach a developer. This is a very specialized area and not something most for-profit developers do. There are specialized developers in every state that work with tax credits.  You will need help in locating these developers to pitch your project. We can help, or if you are working with a great nonprofit, they can help.  
• Tax credits are never enough to complete these projects. The difference between the cost of the project and the potential tax credits is called "the gap." Be prepared to raise substantial funds to help your developer fill "the gap." This is what our $500,000 capital campaign will be used for; there is a "donate" button at the top of the HOOO Facebook page, and contributions are welcome.
• Your developer should gain site control, do a feasibility study and hire architects for initial renditions. 
• Now is a good time to find an organization willing to provide the support the differently abled residents may require. Residents don't have to use this agency, but we are constantly asked who will support the residents and having a firm answer is essential to plan approval and tax credit competitiveness.  
• When you have these things, your developer, architects and you will approach the Plan Commission for actual approval of the project. When approval is granted, your developer will apply for tax credits and you will begin active fundraising for your portion of "the gap." Once tax credits are awarded and "the gap" is covered, you are ready to break ground.  

Yes, it can seem overwhelming to just imagine pulling this all off. Susan knows that all too well. As she says, "We can waste a lot of time complaining about what is not available, or we can get busy and make sure that it is there when our loved ones are ready. Our sons and daughters are the most remarkable people and they show us how to be strong and courageous. We can work together, community by community, to build and sustain homes that are beautiful, safe and bring all kinds of people together."

Architectural rendering: Midwest Modern/Wisconsin Preservation Corp.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Stop on by The Disability Blogger Weekend Link-up

What to do if you're new  

This is a place to share a recent favorite post you've written or read. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post. Where it says "Your name" put the name of the blog followed by the title of the post you want to share (or just the name of the post, if there's no room—you get 80 characters).

Like this: So then he opened the car door OMG OMG OMG

Where it says "Your URL" put the direct link to the post.

Click "Enter." Leave a comment if you want to say more. Go check out some great posts.

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