Saturday, January 22, 2011

Parenting kids with special needs: the best medicine


Last night, I had the silliest night I've had in awhile. A neighbor invited me to a game night she regularly has with a group of women. I basically didn't stop laughing for three hours straight.

We snacked on various desserts (butterscotch Rice Krispie treats! Freshly-made cannolis! Mini peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's!) and played Scattergories. For those of you not familiar with it, everyone picks a pre-printed list (say, #10) and you each get a copy of it. The list features different categories—things in a souvenir shop, terms of endearment, kinds of dances—and then a player rolls a gigantic dice with letters of the alphabet. Once the letter's picked, the timer is set and you have to come up with words that begin with that letter for every category.

There was plenty of heated debate (does "D'oh!" count as a famous phrase?) and constant cracking up. One round, there was a "d" on the table and a woman wrote "doodie" as her answer. The category: things you find in the Wild West. I can't tell you why, but I laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. Max would surely have appreciated it, too.

Hanging out with friends and laughing feels so good; it's not something I take for granted. In some ways, I think I'm still making up for the sad year, that year after I had Max when I had a constant and strong undercurrent of grief running through my veins. I went from being a perpetually cheerful, social person to someone who cried like a leaky faucet and didn't want to be around people. It wasn't just depressing, it was disconcerting. Who was the person I'd become?

It passed. It really and genuinely passed. These days, I'm not exactly the same person I was before I had kids—what parent ever is?—but I'm back to loving life (well, most days) and being my old social butterfly self.

A fun time with friends: another one of those things that make parenting kids with special needs easier. Come to think of it, I'm going to try to organize a get-together for readers/bloggers in the NY area at some point in the future. How amazing would that be? I'll bring the mini peanut butter cups!

When's the last time you had a good time with the girls?

17 comments:

  1. I need one so badly, and I think it's on the calendar for ... this week:)

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  2. it's been a while. when I was a teenager (19ish) a gang of girls would just arrive to whisk me off. two or three cars would pull up and the living room would fill up with laughter and perfume. sometimes we'd just go for a drink locally and once we ended up 50 miles away paddling on Blackpool Beach.
    They're spread far an wide now: Melbourne, sth island NZ, Portsmouth, York and Coventry I think.
    Happy days.

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  3. Last week my girlfriends took me out to dinner for my birthday, it was wonderful! Yes, we talked about kids most of the time....but what parent doesn't. AND...I missed my son sooo much when I was gone, LOL. It was worth it though :)
    Next time is going to be tomorrow when I get to play Battleship with my friend...silly I know, but we're excited!

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  4. Gosh, I can't remember ever doing that--I must be strange! I don't have any girlfriends that I hang out with--I am friendly with women at the places I work, but we're tired by the end of our shifts so we just go home.

    When I socialized, I always did it as half a couple. My family does get together often enough and there are a lot of us, but I just have never really done the "girl's night" thing...does going out for pedicures in mid-afternoon with my mom and sister-in-law count?

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  5. As far as I'm concerned it's a must for keeping sane! Seth's school is having a 'pub quiz' next week so a few of us will be doing that :)

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  6. Hollee: Yay! I'm in! Seth's mum: You've got the right idea, too!

    DDerbyDave: What's your name?! I have fond memories of hanging with gal pals in college more so than in high school, but I have awesome twentysomething memories as well.

    Anony Mous: Battleship was my favorite game as a kid. I would love to play as an adult--doesn't sound silly at all. If you told me you and your friend were going to go play tag, though.....

    Felicia: So you don't mind not going out?

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  7. I'm not a parent, but I know how vital it is to spend time with your friends. One of my best friends conducts a weekly Bible study at her place, and always tries to invite one or more of us over for a "girls' night in" of snacks and DVDs once a week on a Friday or Saturday night. We thrive on the togetherness!

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  8. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a night out with the girls. It must have been before my son was born...a little over two years ago. I'm thinking that I am long overdue!

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  9. That sounds fantastic! It has been far too long since I have had some girl time!

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  10. Believe it or now I've never had a girls night.

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  11. Ellen--I work so many hours in the week (60 some weeks) that when I have time off, I would rather be home! So, I guess I don't mind--I don't have time to mind!!!

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  12. Chiming in to say Game Night with the girls is the best. Sarah, if you are near SLC, call me and I'll set one up. Seriously, this is the only thing that gets me laughing until I cry - which is reported to add time on to your life.

    My game of choice - the name game. All you need is strips of paper, a pen, a timer, and a hat, bucket or bowl. Each person puts in three names (your kindergarten teacher, Mr. Rogers, Michele Obama - it doesn't matter). Teams take turns getting a team mate to geuss - first round is all words that describe the name but not saying what is on the paper, next round the demonstrator only can say two words (uh and um count, as do profanities) and the last round is silent charades. Watching your husband do a charade to demonstrate the George H. W. Bush is guaranteed to kill you laughing.

    Email me for more detailed instructions, you'll love me forever.

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  13. You are very lucky that Max is doing so well and that you have a social group like that. Most of my friends from before my son was born have moved away. And now I find I have no way to meet people. My son (only child) needs 100% care all the time, and getting out is not easy. I can't connect with regular moms - my son is not able to sit or play or talk or eat. And I live in a community where there are not a whole lot of special needs moms around, especially ones with kids as challenging as mine. It is the most alone isolated I've ever felt, and I don't see it ever changing. I watch people living life, taking for granted all the simple pleasures I'd give anything for.

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  14. Meghan, I wish I could reach out and give you a hug...or a beer. Email me? Things will not always stay the same.

    Ginger: Emailed you, that game sounds great

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  15. I actually just booked a 7 day cruise for next January. I'm so excited about it, but at the same time feeling somewhat guilty. I'm a single mom of 2 & rarely ever get out alone. If I'm not working I'm doing something with the kids. Haven't had a "girl's night" in forever! Can't even remember the last one. What do you think? Is 7 days too much?? A group of girls from work invited me. They'll all have husbands on board & I'll be the odd man out, but I can guarantee you I won't mind a bit!!

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  16. Now I'm wishing I lived in NY! Glad you had a fun night.

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  17. The last time I had a brilliant break was last week. A bunch of us went to this hotel in Colorado for 2/3 nights. It was the second time I've gotten out since giving birth back in November 2013.

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Thanks for sharing!



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