Saturday, January 16, 2010

For better, for worse

Last night, Dave and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary with dinner at a nice Italian place. It was wonderful—good service, good food (mmm, mushroom risotto), good conversation. We didn't talk that much about the kids for a change, a good break.

I loved our wedding. I pretty much put it together myself, down to making menus out of vellum paper and craft scissors that cut a scallop pattern. We had 150 guests at a catering hall with a band, a scrumptious dinner and chocolate-colored roses. It was both beautiful and a blast.

I get a little wistful when I think about the way we were back then, blissfully carefree without any idea of what the future held. I mean, does anyone really ever consider the "for worse" part of their vows? Could I have imagined, in my most extreme nightmare, that our child would have a stroke at birth?

Our wedding anniversary makes me melancholy like this. But, yes, we are still in love and still happy. A different sort of happy, but I think that's true of any couple: You experience different stages of happiness in a lifetime.

I am a total sucker for weddings—I love going to them, I love listening to brides plan theirs, I love everything about them. What was your own wedding like? Do you still make a big deal out of your anniversary?



  1. Happy Anniversary!
    I think we all have 'better or worse' times. For some the challenges are greater than others, but, I always think that God gives you nothing he knows you cant bear.
    I have been married for almost 25 years, and give you the wish that your 'ups' always outweigh your 'downs' It sounds like you had a lovely time! Hugs!

  2. Happy anniversary!

    We are the same. We were married when we were just babies and never imagined what our life would hold.
    We still celebrate, even though the one just gone wasn't much of a celebration with the whole house (including Dave) down with a stomach bug but bygones.

    Our wedding was stressful and bizarre, with relatives we didn't know and family who were too busy fighting to be anything but painful.
    My parents were in the middle of a divorce and my sister, oh, my sister! Turned up off her face and made a huge fiasco of everything.
    Our 'friends' all placed bets on how long we would last.

    I was fairly disheartened by it all.

    We lasted though and on our 10th anniversary we renewed our wedding vows, the way we wanted to, on the beach at sunset, with just the important people with us.
    It was perfect.

    We're into our 17th year now and still going strong.

    I wish you both so much happiness!

  3. Happy Anniversary!!

    We celebrate our 10 yr anniversary in March. When we set our wedding date, we decided we would spend our 10 yr anniversary in Ireland. We're married on St. Patrick's Day.

    Even up until a couple years ago we were still planning on going, even with all of Max's challenges. But now, he just can't travel during cold and flu season. So, I don't think we'll get to go anywhere.

    I get sad when I think of our anniversary...and I totally know it's not about going places, or the celebration. But it has been a crazy 10 years...and I want to be able to celebrate it, that this life of ours hasn't broken us.

  4. Happy Anniversary! We were So young, 20! Yikes. Met in high school. Simple wedding that we could afford but in a church I NO longer attend because lets just say they don't support reproductive technology!! OK, I had to get that in because I have a set of twins that wouldn't have ever gotten here by the stork alone. Never think of that when you are giddy about getting married do you?? Kind of like the stroke!! Oh throw in premature babies too! Anyway it was 95 degrees that day and I melted. But we had PIZZA for dinner on the way to our honeymoon and every year have pizza, our favorite, on our anniversary. 30 years this July!!! And I totally believe we were suppose to have those twins too!

  5. I heard someone say once "for worse" means "Are you willing to lift this person on and off a bedpan?" I had to laugh, but it's true.

  6. Congratulations! And many more....I read that you had chocolate covered roses - shows where my head is at. I was going to ask for a description.We married ourselves in the woods one month after we started seeing each other, seventeen years ago. Even our hands and feet were the same size, we fit so well. 12 years ago we made it legal. Married at the gazebo outside our building. Talked our way into a private wholesale flower market to get the flowers. When we told the vendors it was for our wedding they gave us a ton of flowers free. Reception was potluck - neither one of us have been to a nicer wedding.

  7. Well, I get a little wistful, for obvious reasons, but I do try to remember the good times. You have to, otherwise you go nuts.

    We had a house wedding with a buffet dinner in the backyard amd a live band that played on all night--it was a party that people talked about for years--probably half the assembled guests were still on hand for breakfast the next morning!

    Sometimes, I will pop in the video and walk down memory lane with or without the kids, sometimes I just don't want to deal with it. This year, I'll probably watch the tape--just to show the little troublemakers that see, yes, once upon a VERY long time ago, mama really was a lot more "petite" than I am these days...!

  8. Thank you thank you thank you for the information about HBOT. My confidence has been rattled since LJ cried again during the second treatment and was inconsolable until we shut off the oxygen, took the hood off and calmed him down. Oh yeah, that and the pulmonologist telling me he thought the treatment was dangerous since it wasn't FDA approved yet.

    Anyway, I am sending my husband on Monday because I can't stand the idea of going into that capsule again and having LJ uncomfortable to the point of foaming at the mouth again. I am also going to ask his ENT for some ear plugs for the ascent and descent. I guess if this therapy improves our wee ones' quality of life it doesn't matter whether the docs think it is a waste of for time...I am pulling out my hair going to the HBOT treatments and maintaining all his "other" therapies.

    I am glad you all had a wonderful anniversary dinner. This journey can take such a toll on one's marriage and it is so encouraging to see that you all have survived! Parenting is not easy; working on our relationship is even harder. Thank you for being such an inspiration. Many more happy years to you and yours! Take care,

  9. " A different sort of happy, but I think that's true of any couple: You experience different stages of happiness in a lifetime."

    I agree! Happy anniversary!

  10. Happy Anniversary :-)

    Love the stories. I'm still single, but looking and mostly believe there is someone out there. But there are times I wonder who would want our package -- an old broad (52 this week) with 11-, 9- and 7-year old kids, and autism just to make life interesting.

  11. Happy Anniversary!

    My Wedding was a NON wedding... never liked them, never wanted one. We drove from Vermont to Lake Tahoe and got married on a cliff with only ourselves and the guy performing the ceremony (and his wife who took pictures). wouldn't change a thing.

  12. Happy anniversary! Congrats on 9 wonderful years together.

  13. On the theory I would only do this once, I went fairly biggish with 150 guests a string quarted for the ceremony, and a buffet dinner at a beautiful place. We didn't have to decorate much as they decorate for Christmas and we married in December, and the lights make it all so lovely. Luckily you can't see the gooseflesh in the pictures we took in the park across the street. I made my husband wear a pink tie with his tux, he is still not happy about it but he looked wonderful. We had a great time although it did cause me some stress pulling it off, as I was four and a half months pregnant (never expected I would get pregnant the first month I charted my temperatures). We didn't expect an early small baby, and we never expected the next to have a metabolic disorder and CP, but those are the things that have not made our marriage weaker or more difficult. We stumble at the things I always thought might be too hard - different religions and viewpoints and political perspectives. One thing I know now, if I am going to face some stressful stuff, it is much better to do it with someone who is more mellow than I. We've been married four years, and the last anniversary was a bust, with a sick child and having opted to stay in with the kids, Up, and a pizza, he crashed on the sofa and I blogged and we never had anniversary action. No matter, I still wear my ring, and I expect will make it for the long haul.

  14. I loved my wedding, although I had plenty of upset people. We had been together for 6 years, already had 2 children together, looked at eachother one day and said "Lets do it!" and so we planned it out and "it" was done 2 weeks later! We wanted to elope somewhere, but decided to get married close to home so his parents and my mother and grandfather could be there. We invited a few friends, there were 17 of us total. The ceremony itself was all of 3 minutes, at a beautiful lighthouse that we can see from the bedroom window of our new house, and we had dinner at a wonderful restaurant. We want to go to Vegas next year, and who knows, maybe Elvis will marry us again!

  15. GingerB, Dave is a LOT more mellow than I am and I agree, it's been a great thing. And making your husband wear a pink bow tie is a lot better than what I asked Dave to do: I made him WAX HIS BACK. To this day, I cannot explain what came over me except it was a Bridezilla flareupl. Luckily he still decided to marry me.

  16. Hope you had a wonderful anniversary! I love weddings as well and can't wait to see who's out there for me!

  17. Glad you had a nice anniversary..a peaceful interlude (is that how you spell it?) can be a perfect reminder to why we attempt these crazy little things called marriage!
    My husband and I did everything backwards ..a per our nature..and had 2 of our kids before they were they were there tugging at my dress hem as we exchanged vows on the pier in Tybee Island GA. It was on leap year in 2000 so we've only had a couple of anniversaries..that makes the fabled 7 year itch only 18 years away!!
    again Happy Anniversary and may your betters outweigh your worses by an elephants tush.

  18. Happy Anniversary, Ellen! Carl and I will be celebrating our 12th in March...We did a really Thrifty wedding. I think we came out under a thousand bucks including my dress! We picked hundreds of daffodils, iris' and forcithias from our neighbor's yards and arranged most of them ourselves. My best friend did all the music and organized everyone for the ceremony. I a cheapskate at heart, I guess. When I look at those pictures, I think what we were so unprepared and so foolish!

  19. Ellen, Eric Lesser's wife here. He thought I'd be interested in your story and he couldn't be more correct. I've always been fascinated with families raising children with special needs, probably because my mom was a social worker who worked tirelessly to give supports to these families. Anyhow, thought I'd reach out and let you know that you are an inspiration, thank you for sharing your story with candor and humor. And, I so hear you on the wedding planning and nostalgia anniversaries bring. Every now and I then I troll through all of our RSVP cards (now 11 years old) just because they make me smile in a way that no other piece of paper or cardstock can. Happy anniversary, and I'll keep reading. Leah

  20. Happy Belated Anniversary!

    I love weddings too - I suppose it's a way to relive a happy time. I do remember when Andy and I got married and I tried to envision what our lives would was hard to see any of the worse times and my vision definitely didn't include anything bad happening to our future child. I get wistful thinking about that time too, how happy and carefree we were. But, you're right - it's a different stage of happiness and I really wouldn't trade in this stage for the earlier one. Oh, and good job getting married in January - everything is less expensive in the winter and it's a perfect time to take a couple's trip somewhere warm! ;)

  21. Happy Anniversary..late! I'm too young to be married right now but someday I enjoy going to friend's and relative's weddings!


Thanks for sharing!

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