Monday, June 20, 2016

Daddy's boy


Ben has been saying "Da! Da! Da!" a lot lately. I'm enchanted by his language development, especially because I still remember how much I ached for Max to babble when he was a baby. I'm wondering if Ben is going to say "Daddy" before "Mommy"—Dave and I have a friendly competition going on. Then I discovered that Max is aiding and abetting Dave.



I am not surprised that Max wants Ben to say Dave's name first; Max is a Daddy's boy. He and Dave regularly go out on weekends to eat or for adventures (involving eating). And so, Max had big plans for Father's Day—he wanted to take Dave to see Finding Dory at a nearby theater where they serve food as you watch the movie.

Max decided to wear an Oxford shirt, just like Daddy usually has on. Then he asked me to dab on some of Dave's cologne and use some of his hair gel. Dude!

I loved the word cloud that Max made at school for Dave (and that the word "eat" is right on top)
When Max was little, I don't know that I ever thought the day would come when he and Dave would be out and about like any father and son. For starters, Max was fearful of going to new places. He didn't see a movie in a theater until he was 10 (Monsters University, a day I'll never forget).

I also couldn't imagine that he and Dave would have conversations—real conversations—and that they would spend so much time together. Not because Dave has to look after him, but because he truly enjoys his company. And trying new restaurants together, of course. Bonus points if they have a fire truck theme.

It wasn't that I didn't think Max had the potential. But when I was in the thick of Max's developmental delays, I was looking for the next immediate physical or cognitive advance—speaking a consonant, walking up a step, reading a word. Dreaming that he would someday grow up and hang out with Dave, just two guys out to have fun, wasn't even on my radar.

So when I watch them head out and Max says "See you later, Mommy!" I feel a burst of happiness every single time. 


13 comments:

  1. Your blog is always uplifting, even when the topic is difficult. It inspires me. I do not have a special needs child, but I teach a dozen or more of these amazing children each year for the past 39 years.

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    1. Wonderful, Mar! Max's teachers, especially his most recent one, have had the most amazing influence on him.

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  2. I like the way you think regarding fun. I think Lost One's Weeping would have been a good song for the time you were hung up on milestones.

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    1. Thanks, Anna. My soundtrack for that time in my life is Nora Jones Come Away With Me. It had come out around when Max was born and I found it sufficiently melancholy for my mood.

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    2. I like more intense, driving songs that challenge me. Neru (Oshiire-P) is good for this. Terminating the World, Drowning in a Wave of Sadness, Abstract Nonsense, World Domination How To, and Terror(ism) are my favorites.

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  3. Beautiful! Our son with special needs is the oldest (now of 6) At first I found it painful to watch the others pass him by developmentally. Now he is 19 and doing better than we ever dreamed. I am glad for you that you have such a great perspective.

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    1. Wonderful!!! The passage of time really gives you perspective. I only wish I'd had more back when Max was little.

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  4. I'm so glad that Max and Dave have such a close relationship and it seems pretty normal that it revolves around food! Haha!

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    1. Very typical! Dave's and Sabrina's relationship at times also revolves around food. Are you seeing a pattern here?

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    2. Yes haha! I'm sure Dave and Ben's will as well.

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  5. Great post as always, Max "aiding and abetting" is hilarious! I've long enjoyed your blog, but especially now following our similar journeys - older awesome kiddo with CP and developmental delays and an adorable newborn boy in the house.

    Oh, and (I'm sure you know this) dada is often said before mama, just because "Ds" are easier to learn than "Ms". I savor every time my baby boy #2 says dada, because I know it's only temporary until being far overshadowed by his favorite person "mama" :-)

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  6. farida.anggaraeniJune 13, 2017 at 1:01 AM

    mom ellen, thank u for sharing your experience in this blog.. i am very happy for max... i am an indonesian, mother of two.
    i also have a daughter 5 years old, my eldest, with CP and deafness...
    she could not walk till now, couldn't lift her self from the lie down position to sit position, could not speak, just bubbling like 5 months baby, sometimes she responses to sound but often doesn't.
    i and my husband had done everything to her, meet the doctors, theraphists, alternative healing, everything, but the progress is not that much as i expect, but i never feel shame of her...even i am very proud of her..she is beautiful, calm, sensitive, cheerful, but at the some points, i feel like i lost hope...feel worry too much about her future, feel so down, dont know when i will see she walks, talks, does her own needs..
    would u share your tricks to lift your emotion, your feeling every time u are down.?
    thank u so much for your sharing mom ellen...
    best wishes for max :)

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    1. Hi, Farida. You sound like a wonderful mom! And yes, I will write a post about what lifts me up when I worry. Mostly, I've learned to take things day by day and focus on what Max IS doing. Taking photos of him helps, too, because it helps me appreciate his joy and cuteness—and it's hard to feel sad when you consider that.

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Thanks for sharing!



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