Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Stock responses to rude comments

Some of you have been witness to some obnoxious comments on this blog over the last few months. I don't want to waste any further time or energy dealing, so I've come up with some pre-written responses I can grab when the occasion strikes. Kind of like Hallmark cards, but not. I'm not saying I'll never again toy with a rude remarker, though I'll now have the option of simply plopping in one of my Stock Responses To Rude Comments™. Feel free to borrow! Or add your own! And now...


Sticks and stones may break my bones but you use split infinitives and commas in the wrong places.

Um, hello? I'm not blogging about cupcakes over here.

Read between the html: < div < i> italic < YOUARENOTVERYBRIGHTAREYOU< i >/div >

Na na na boo boo. [Sticks tongue out, inserts fingers in ears and wags]

Attila the Hun called; he wants his comment back.

I know that html is incorrect. You've just confirmed you're far less bright than I'd suspected.

Wow, that was mean, Mr./Ms. Mean Meanypants.


Thanks very much for your opinion. I regret to inform you that it sucks.

Yo mama can't blog.


  1. Awww, Ellen, you are just so doggone sweet! See, if it were me catching that kind of unsolicited, unnecessary junk, I'd be telling 'em something that sounds a little like "Truck yew, rash mole!" with maybe a few adjustments!!

  2. I'm sorry you're getting rude comments. Consider it a sign that you've arrived though!

  3. I'm with Cheryl. None of the six people who read my blog apparently care enough to trash talk me. Even for the post in which I admitted to being in blog world so deeply I absent-mindedly gave my son juice every time he asked and ended up having to pick up a trail of diaper jello through out the house. (Which, if you don't know what that is, you are a) a better parent than I am and b) have never taken a child swimming in a diaper)
    So mean comments= popular!
    I'm actually really offended people would make rude comments to you.

  4. I think the last one is my favorite. I'll add my own just for kicks:

    Yes, everyone is allowed to have an opinion, but it doesn't mean we all have to agree on them.

    Differing perspectives for different people, I'd be kinda bored if we didn't have them.

    Variety, it's the spice of life. Deal with it.


  5. Oh my gosh, thanks for a morning smile. My favorite is "thanks for your comment but I have to inform you that it sucks!" I've got it in m back pocket now for mr. and mrs. meanypants! You are awesome.

  6. You forgot the old stand-by: BITE ME. ;-) Heh heh.

  7. I haven't seen the rude comments - but your answers are terrific!

  8. I've been following your blog for awhile. I can't remember how I stumbled here but I come back everyday for an update on Max. I'm not acquainted with anyone that has a disability so your blog is like a learning experience.

    I love your comebacks for rude commentators. Your blog is getting so popular and making people think!

    "Well behaved women rarely make history" - Keep misbehavin'!

    Much love! Lauren

  9. Unfortunately, the people leaving rude comments probably don't know what a split infinitive is, but the response made me chuckle. I am probably guilty of the comma placement problem because I tend to use them everywhere, but I would never leave you a rude comment.

  10. Ha! Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

  11. I love the first one!!
    Ditto Cheryl!

  12. The Attila the Hun one is my favorite. I commend you for creating this entire awesome list without a single curse word, because my response would probably start with a curse word and end with "...and the horse you rode in on."

  13. Thanks for my morning laugh Ellen!! Really needed a good one!! :)

    P.S. Hope you saw the blog moved, continue to follow me at the new site! :)

  14. These are great! I've been getting a lot of rude comments lately at my place (but then, I guess that's what I get when I poke a stick in a hornet's nest). But I am SO stealing some of these! :)

  15. What about...."I'm rubber, you're glue, a ball bounces off of me and sticks to you.

  16. Haters gonna hate:

  17. Fan-freaking-tastic!

    I have to agree with Jean that the Atilla the Hun comeback was my favorite!

    I haven't had any rude comments on my blog yet...Maybe its time to stir things up a bit!

  18. Enjoyed this post, Ellen. Humor is both practical and therapeutic!

    Would this work as another possible answer?

    You ARE the weakest link!

  19. LOL! Although I am pretty sure my comma's are in the wrong place too. hehe

  20. My mom is the queen of turning the other cheek- so I guess I get my hypersensitivity and quick cry reflex from my father... She taught me to say "I respectfully disagree" when I was about four or five. I think it was meant to be funny, can you imagine a little mouth saying those words? But it's one of my favorite ways to stop a rude instigator in his or her tracks!

  21. Haha. How about..

    "Your village called...they want their idiot back"

    I guess a sign of when you've made it is when you have detractors harassing you at every turn. Congratulations. Oh and by the way....your kids are absolutely adorable. =)

  22. ---Part 1 of 2---

    Hi Again (this is James, the ‘obnoxious’ respondent here),

    This comment should really be posted on to your previous blog entry, however, for the sake of remaining current and continuing the fun with a slightly different slant I’ve decided to reply to this blog instead.

    I just have a few funny stories to share with you regarding disabled people in stage shows / theatre productions.

    Believe it or not, I was in quite a few performances at school (which was mainstream, I might add). In year 7, I played a role in my school’s musical. The play was something that our music teacher had written called ‘In Search of the Lost Chord’ which chronicled the life of a main character called ‘Steve’ who was in search of the appropriate chord to perfect a song of his own composition, as well as find a pair of blue chord pants he’d lost in his wardrobe, lol.

    I played a character called ‘The Rock’ and was covered in a paper mache costume which covered my entire wheelchair, with only my head poking out, which was plastered with brown face paint, coupled with a brown hat. My character was ‘picked up’ by the main character as a lucky charm along her journey. As this character, I was able to speak to the other characters and give them advice along the way (as rocks can in musicals, lol) but my primary line was to burst on stage in the middle of a scene, drive across centre stage in my electric wheelchair and exclaim:

    “I’m a ROCK and I’m ready to ROLL”

    For obvious reasons, this was hilarious, as were the times when we all had to break out into song Glee style, long before that show was ever invented. I really enjoyed being a part of the musical and it is one of my fondest memories as a kid, however, this was a role I could play, where my wheelchair actually enhanced the role by adding humour, rather than detracting from it. In year 9 I played the lead role of a wealthy business man in another drama production (which never mentioned my disability at all) and in year 10, I was actually incorporated into the Year 10 Dance Troupe’s Routine to Eminem’s ‘8 Mile’ Soundtrack, where I did a 360 in my wheelchair on centre-stage, with about 50 inflatable gym balls that were being thrown by some of my classmates from the mezzanine level. The dance routine ended with the lead dancer doing a hand-stand type thing and then landing in my lap, for a dramatic freeze-frame finish. That routine won the school four awards from the West Australian Academy of Performing Arts in the Junior Dancers category, despite the fact that, yes, I can’t dance at all.

    The point is, we always recognised that I couldn’t play an Olympic Athlete in a stage show or the best stunt man because everyone involved understood my limitations and worked around them, which is the key to being successful. One of my lecturers explains it this way:

    “Know what you DON’T know and what you CAN’T do and either:
    a) Bridge the gaps by learning how.

    b) Seek assistance – Asking for help is acceptable.

    c) Choose a different path – The best thing to do is the right thing, the second best thing to do is the wrong thing...and the worst thing to do is nothing!”

    Just last year, I finished my Diploma in Business and I’m now studying a Commerce degree at university. I’m also an Authorised Marriage Celebrant and am going to conduct my first wedding on October 23rd, all, of course, from my not-so-comfortable electric wheelchair. I guess, what I’m saying here (which I failed to articulate in previous comments) is that you don’t need to identify with the disability, you need to defy it and say: “STUFF YOU I’M LIVING LIFE TO THE ‘MAX’”. So, perhaps instead of framing the disability as a ‘thing’ just allow yourself and Max to realise his disability is there and that it doesn’t really have to have any label apart from the label: Cerebral Palsy...See ‘Part 2’.

  23. James, “STUFF YOU I’M LIVING LIFE TO THE ‘MAX’” is THE best response of all to the cerebral palsy. I've used the words "Screw you cerebral palsy" before but I vastly prefer your wording.

    "I'm a ROCK and I'm ready to ROLL" cracked me up.

    Thank you for returning and sharing your background. And for showing us your other side. :) When I hear about adults with cp who have impressive accomplishments like you do, it gives me so much hope for Max's future.

    I don't ever use labels around Max. He doesn't know the words "cerebral palsy." If he ever wonders about them, we'll talk about them. Right now, he has no idea he has a disability. He's just a very happy kid who has a whole lot of motivation and determination.

  24. It's so easy for people to leave rude comments these days because they can 'hide' behind anonymous or fictitious names, not to mention some people actually are just trying to get a rouse out of people. I agree with many of the comments here, you've arrived. :)

  25. Honourable bye, sentimental soul mate :)


Thanks for sharing!

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