Monday, March 30, 2009

Monday Morning Confessional: I need to get out. Often.

Saturday night, Dave and I went out with friends to celebrate his birthday. The babysitter came at 6:00 while I was playing Candyland with Sabrina. We finished the game and she wailed, in her most pitiful voice, "MOOOOOOOMMY, DON'T LEAVE ME!" Like I was abandoning her on train tracks or something. Max gestured to the floor and stomped his foot, which also translates to "YOU! STAY HERE!"

Guilt never strikes. I kiss them good night, then leave with Dave. I absolutely need to get out once a week.

I've always felt this way. Before I had Max, I used to worry about not having a life once I became a mom. I really, really, really wanted a baby, but I also loved my freedom and all the activities Dave and I did. After Max was born, we were so sick with worry that we needed to get out more than ever to decompress. So, we've had babysitters for years.

I know this one woman who literally never goes out with her husband; she doesn't trust anyone else to take care of her kids. I think it's healthy and rejuvenating to spend time alone with your husband. Dave and I typically go out Saturday night to a casual place to eat, then a movie and maybe coffee afterward. We're not big drinkers, although the other night I tried iced wine for the first time and I think I could get used to it. (May I not have to look back at this post years from now and think, ah, that's where the alcoholism started.)

How often do you get to go out with your husband, and what do you usually do?

Photo by Hysterical Bertha


  1. This is a typical date for us:

    First, we go to dinner. This is usually at some quiet little hole-in-the-wall with casual seating and really good food. Afterwards, if it's still light outside, we go for a walk and do some window shopping.

    Once the sun goes down, we go wander around in a Barnes and Noble. We select something-- he usually gets one book, and I pick up three or four.

    Finally, we head to a coffee shop. We pick the comfortable chairs in the corner. He gets some form of a latte with caramel in it. I get tea. We also get two cookies. We sit side by side, reading our books and holding hands. When we run out of beverages and baked goods, it's time to go home.

    We've been doing this for coming up on eight years now, and I'm pretty sure we both think that this is the best date possible, and any attempt to change anything would be evidence of Something Amiss. I guess we are creatures of habit, but we do enjoy ourselves. We try and go out at least once a month-- with our schedules, it's pretty much impossible to do more.


  2. I am lazy and hate having to find a sitter so we hardly go out unless we have family around to babysit for us. My husband has always been a horrible date planner, so if I don't do it then nothing happens.

  3. We don't go out often at all. In fact, we nearly never go out together. Although, for our five year wedding anniversary, we took advantage of my husband's brother's family and stayed in a hotel for TWO nights. That was great. It's not that we don't want to go out - we just don't have any safety network here (both expats), and since I work 40 hours plus lunch, and since the commute is 45 mins twice, and since husband works shifts i.e on weekends, we nearly never get to spend any time together at home at all. Less work would be a good solution for me!

  4. ps. I must add that recently, since the husband is off on Mondays, we get together for a sandwich lunch. I suppose you could call that a date :o)

  5. Hopefully we will get to go out alone sometime has been FOREVER!

    You see, the thing is this...we took a trip alone to Mexico for five days, and REALLY enjoyed ourselves. We felt the boys were old enough to leave for a few days, and we needed the time to reconnect. We were done having babies, so we made a promise to eachother that we would do this once a year. Go somewhere tropical, just the two of us...and in one of the resturants at the resort, there was a baby girl...we joked a bit about having another one, as we both wished for a girl, but after 2 kids in the NICU and because I was a sick pregnant woman and just recieved the diagnosis that I had muscular dystrophy, we were most definitely done having children. Tony was going in to get his vasectomy...he chickened out in October, but decided to go in November...we got pregnant October 11th...and we got our baby girl! HUGE oops, but we are so grateful!

    So, hopefully one day we will be able to make good on our promise to eachother...hopefully soon! I need a vacation with my husband!

  6. I'd love to get out more, but finding babysitters is a problem. Ellen, how do you find yours?

  7. We go out just the 2 of us pretty often but it is for things like grocery shopping (hey I will take any kid free time I can get). Having a 17 yo does help cause we can pay her in room/board. A couple of times a month we try to head out to dinner. We do have a home date night each week were we put the kids to bed a bit early, rent a movie and just veg in our room.

  8. I used to go out every Friday night (or Saturday if I had to work on Friday nights) with my husband. I looked forward to that all week. A typical date would be to go to the Outback steakhouse (his favorite) or one of the other "chain store/sit down" restaurants in the area, and then head out to a bar for either karaoke singing or line dancing. We had two or three places we'd go to on a rotating basis, and all our rowdy friends would be there. It was so much fun. I really miss those times. Since he's died, and we're coming up on three years now, I don't hardly get out at all except when my momma and/or daddy comes over to see to the boys. When I do get out, it's to go to work (I have a crappy part-time job--well, two crappy part-time jobs, really) or to do the groceries or shopping for clothes and things for the boys.

    I did go to a matinee movie once about a year and a half ago with a friend from school who came home for a visit, but other than that, I have not been "out" since the funeral. I don't have anyone to go with, and I don't much like going alone--it just wouldn't work.

    There's no nice way to sugarcoat it--I'm trapped and a bit depressed. My hot dates are with the television set, and when they switch that signal to the digital, I hope the stupid box I bought with the damn government coupon will do the trick, because getting a dish is just too much of a stretch financially.

  9. Hubs and I get most Saturday nights off one way or another. His mom practically lives down the street and takes Charlie a lot and sometimes my parents do it. Not every Saturday, but many. We don't do anything really crazy--we eat out, watch a movie, or go to the bookstore. It's really great though to have a break from the demands of a little one.

  10. We don't go out often enough--we feel guilty if we "leave Clayton out." Dumb, I know! When Clayton is with my parents (only "real" babysitters we have), we typically just sit at home and veg knowing we don't have to entertain him for a while!! Since Clayton started school though, we have been meeting for breakfast or lunch if we can and it's been wonderful--kind of like our little secret getaway!

  11. We try to get out once a month, as his schedule allows. We usually go to Target or Walmart, just to look at stuff and pick up a few things. Then we'll go somewhere for dinner and drinks. Then we head home because I'm always paranoid by then that it's almost bedtime!
    I love date nights!!!

  12. We go out once a year for our anniversary. Otherwise we enjoy our weekends at home as a family.

    Babysitters who are qualified to handle the baby's medical needs are a luxury we cannot afford.

    Our marriage does not suffer.

  13. Interesting to hear the nights out everyone enjoys.
    Erin: We also hit Barnes & Noble sometimes.
    Lissa: What, you think Dave ever plans ANYTHING? Nuh-uh. I am Julie the Cruise Director in this relationship. So typical, right?
    May/Ashley: Lunch counts!
    Sarah: Plan that next tropical vacation, and tell me where you are going so I can live vicariously through you!
    Lee Ann: Dave and I try home date nights with food/Netflix, but he ends up snoring on the couch half the time while I finish the movie then he wakes up and goes, "What happened?"
    Felicia: Sweetie, have you ever considered I am serious. You are too full of life not to have a partner.
    Katie: You are lucky to have an MIL down the street, not to mention an MIL who is willing to babysit, not to mention an MIL who you like.
    Debbie: Dave and I roam around Target at times, too. Oddly relaxing.
    Heidi: We have different situations, obviously, but I know it is hard finding qualified medical people who don't cost a bundle. We once participated in a free program through our local ARC, called a "respite" program, we got a qualified person to care for Max when he was a baby, free, for 14 hours or so a month. Maybe your area has some sort of program, if you were ever interested.
    Julia: Here is how we've found babysitters. Last year, Dave took Sabrina to a ballet class and started chatting up babysitters there, asking if they knew anyone great. We found one babysitter that way. Once, I found a babysitter by calling up the occupational therapy department at a local university and asking them to put up a note for me. They did, and we got a babysitter who wanted to practice OT! We've also asked substitute teachers at Max's school to babysit, which has worked out well. I also belong to a group called Mothers and More which has branches all over the country. There's a $45 membership fee which entitles you to go to events/join the e-loop, and the e-loop is an amazing resource. People sometimes post that they know of babysitters looking for work, or you can post that you're looking for a babysitter.


    never. Doesn't happen. Sad but true.

  15. Something I'm constantly working on, and getting a slight bit better at. We fell off the going out wagon over the holidays and just now are starting to get back to us.

  16. Actual dates are a big (rare)treat, but our kids are no strangers to babysitters. When I work my 1 weekend a month, daddy works one of those nights as well (if not all 3 nights for Nat'l Guards). I've never had a child throw a fit when I leave them somewhere. I attribute it to being passed around from day one at church and still working very part time. THe last time we had a date we were almost giddy when we came to pick up the kids after our movie and his mom shoo-ed us back out the door and told us to go get dinner as well! Really? Dinner? Without kids? Hot food?? Loved it. We really need to do it more.

  17. We had a date night on Saturday. My mama came to babysit and told us to watch a movie or have dinner. So, we went to Sawadee, a Thai restaurant in the city. It was brilliant and was a lovely change. I loved it. We have these nights every 4 weeks. Good for us, I think.


Thanks for sharing!

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