Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Top 20 Reasons Moms Of Kids With Special Needs ROCK



Top 20 Reasons Moms of Kids With Special Needs ROCK

1. Because we never thought that “doing it all” would mean doing this much. But we do it all, and then some.
2. Because we’ve discovered patience we never knew we had.
3. Because we are willing to do something 10 times, 100 times, 1,000 times if that’s what it takes for our kids to learn something new.
4. Because we have heard doctors tell us the worst, and we've refused to believe them. TAKE THAT, nay-saying doctors of the world.
5. Because we have bad days and breakdowns and bawl-fests, and then we pick ourselves up and keep right on going.
6. Because we gracefully handle the stares, the comments, the rude remarks. Well, mostly gracefully.
7. Because we manage to get ourselves together and get out the door looking pretty damn good. Heck, we even make sweatpants look good.
8. Because we are strong. Man, are we strong. Who knew we could be this strong?
9. Because we aren’t just moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work. We are moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers, researchers, nurses, coaches, and cheerleaders. Whew.
10. Because we work overtime every single day.
11. Because we also worry overtime, but we work it through. Or we eat chocolate or Pirate's Booty or gourmet cheese, which aren't reimbursable by insurance as mental-health necessities but should be.
12. Because we are more selfless than other moms. Our kids need us more.
13. Because we give our kids with special needs endless love, and then we still have so much love left for our other kids, our husbands, our family. And our hairstylist, of course.
14. Because we inspire one another in this crazy blogosphere every single day.
15. Because we understand our kids better than anyone else—even if they can’t talk, even if they can’t gesture, even if they can't look us in the eye. We know. We just know.
16. Because we never stop pushing for our kids.
17. Because we never stop hoping for them, either.
18. Because just when it seems like things are going OK, they're suddenly not OK, but we deal. Somehow, we always deal, even when it seems like our heads or hearts might explode.
19. Because when we look at our kids we just see great kids. Not "kids with cerebral palsy/autism/Down syndrome/developmental delays/whatever label."
20. Because, well, you tell me.

But wait, we're not done!
20 more reasons moms of kids with special needs ROCK

For a printable copy, e-mail LoveThatMax@gmail.com

91 comments:

  1. You make me cry - saying so much that I want to say but am not brave enough to say - yet. Thank you!

    and reason #20 - we understand that the little things you complain of are things we would die to deal with as our kids are struggling to do just what you are moaning about with your kid.

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  2. First things first, the Captcha word is "Accept"...how cool is that?!!?

    And that says it ALL!

    I didn't ask for this life, but I accept it.

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  3. Omigosh--so much truth here and number 11? Awesome sauce.

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  4. So very true... This could be applied to the dad's that care about their special kids just as much. Although I wish there were as many dad's that cared about their special needs child as the mom's that do.

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  5. Wonderful post. It's a great reminder of all the things we do...no wonder I'm always tired!

    Being a special parent has taught me so much and I have learned not to take so much for granted.

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  6. WOW! Great post! So true, every single one, including Niri's #20!

    And #21...because our kids our rock stars. They endure more than any human should have to, they work harder, and they rock through it all. My kid teaches me how to rock.

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  7. Clearly I can't spell. Are rock stars. Whew. Is it Friday yet?

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  8. Rock on! A great list and some great additions. Can't wait to share with others.

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  9. You made my day :)
    I had an appointment with Speech Therapist and got to know a long list of things I was not doing for my kiddo. Feeling low after that.
    I got my smile back. Thanks :)

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  10. Because we know that "normal" is highly overrated.

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  11. This post was just what I needed to lift me today. Thanks you :D

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  12. Love this! You nailed it, Ellen. I couldn't wait to share!

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  13. Thank you for this - some days I really need to hear that i do, indeed, ROCK!

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  14. Awesome post! I love this so much I'm going to show my husband so he knows how much I rock too!

    I would just add that we are the first to help/empathize with other mom's in our 'club' too.

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  15. Ellen, your post made me cry, it's so beautiful. I'm sending it around, tweeting, linking, everything. You, my dear, ROCK!!

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  16. #22 - We helps others look at our kids and not see "disability" but just an awesome kid who has as much to offer the world as any other kid... and maybe MORE.

    love this post.

    xo

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  17. Because we smile through the play dates when all we want to do is cry

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  18. Amazing. As usual. I'm linking to this. How could I not? Oh, and #20?? Because we support each other and pick each other up again and again!

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  19. Amen! You said it so well!

    #20 we know a far greater happiness, because we have felt a far greater pain.

    #21 HOPE means more to us than anyone else in the world

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  20. My #20 is that for every friend/girlfriend that has stopped including me and inviting me I have added 3 more who love my babies/life/trials/and include me in everything

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  21. Love this - I can relate to so much of this, but especially #15.

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  22. Thanks Ellen, I needed this today. :)

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  23. - because my child has given me Perspective with a capital P. He made me realize that what I used to think was important is not and what I used to take for granted should never be.

    - And because he's given me the gift of finally not caring what other people think.

    LOVE this post!

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  24. #20 Our kids may not one day become Heart Surgeons but their smiles and triumphs mend broken hearts!

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  25. I love this post! I'm going to print it out and hang it up where I can read it over and over again when I have a bad day!

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  26. #20, we appreciate and cherish every little action, reaction and step forward as well as the 10 steps back it took to get that single step.

    Jen

    tesnjen at aol dot com

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  27. This post has made my day! And all of the added reasons posted by friends are wonderful. You all rock!

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  28. As always you always seem to find the words even when I can't! Posting on my blog!

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  29. our kids wern't asked to be born
    this way,accept them on who they are..not what they are..

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  30. Great post! I just may have to link to this.
    ---Jen

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  31. thanks for this! I just HAD to share it on my blog :)

    My reason #20:

    20. Because we are the true experts in regards to the conditions our children are afflicted with. No other person on the planet, regardless of education or degree obtained, can tell others more about our children's diagnosis than we can! For instance, go ahead and ask me about hydranencephaly... I guarantee I'll know more than the typical neurologist/neurosurgeon/pediatrician/obstetrician/etc. at your local hospital... without the fat paycheck!!

    LOVE and relate to every addition...

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  32. Ellen, Beautiful post. #9 really hit home. So many titles and so little pay and recognition.

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  33. #20 Because we are the best inventors. We can take any piece of equipment and make it better. We can create amazing things for our kids out of foam, wood, duct tape, straps, thread, and whatever else we have lying around the house.

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  34. LOVE love love this post!
    In fact Im borrowing it for my blog!
    Thanks so much for sharing!!

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  35. Because you ARE the rockstars of the mommy-verse!

    Anyone can be in a band, but to be a rockstar you have to put in the extra hours, the extra effort and the extra blood-sweat-and-tears that it takes to go that extra mile, to be truly great at what you do.

    And, from where I'm standing, moms of kids with special needs do indeed rock:

    You work really hard behind the scenes to make sure everything runs smoothly. You put in the hours (upon hours) practicing and training and honing the skills you (and your kids) need. You work odd hours and stay up all night long, no matter how early you have to be up and going the next day. You give countless interviews about your work and fight off critics who can't do what you do but have something to say about it anyway. AND you do it all with a sense of style and panache all your own!

    As a fan of you rockstar moms and everything you do, I'm here to give you a virtual standing ovation with lots of hollering and whistling!

    Rock on, Mamas, rock on!

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  36. Great post! Every one is right on!

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  37. I LOVE all of your responses. Love, love, love them. Yes, we really do rock, don't we?

    xo

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  38. Thanks that was so awesome! I put it on my Facebook page!

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  39. Awesome! My number 20? We always manage to find humor in some of the most unlikely places or times.

    I'm sharing this one on my FB page!

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  40. You always make me cry.

    That is beautiful.

    Thank you.

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  41. Fabulous!

    #20: Because we have to make decisions that most parents don't have to make (in our case, whether or not to let our daughter get a tracheostomy)....others may have other surgeries to decide to get, which school would be most appropriate for the child, hiring or firing certain specialists, doctors,or therapists....we agonize over these potential life-threatening, and certainly life-changing, decisions, and in the end make the best decisions for our child.

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  42. #20 When life gives us sour grapes, we can turn it into a fab chardonnay!

    We make the little moments count EVERYDAY.

    ps. I had several mommy moments today- Zack "ran" on the parallel bars to his twin brother, he said mumumum and he put a slice of apple in his mouth!!!

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  43. Thank you so much for this post.It brought tears to my eyes. I really needed it today after a VERY rough couple of days. We do ROCK!

    I don't have a #20 to add. There are so many that others have added that are great. Love Mommy Niri's #20...

    Sarah O.

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  44. I just so wish my mom had had a list like this to read back when she was raising me and my brother. It would have cheered her and reminded her of how valuable some of the stuff she did without even thinking was. Yay, you! I'm so in favor of giving moms props, whether or not their kids have special needs. It's a had job, period--I can only imagine that it's harder still when the kids aren't typically developing.

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  45. #20... because we all know that Everything is possible... the impossible just takes a little longer.

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  46. #4 is my favorite! And for #20...because after a few years and moving past the "grief" phase...we have an awesome sense of humor about and might be some of the funniest Moms you've ever met!! Laugh or cry, right?

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  47. Awesome post! I linked back to you on my blog and will be sharing on FB :)

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  48. I can be having a rough day and come here and read something like this and your posts help me feel so much better! Thank you so much!
    I read a comment that noted that our kids are rock stars too and I totally agree with that.

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  49. I want to say that I've never been to your blog before, but I read this post, and your brave story about Max's birth. Many kudos.

    That picture of Max that is your header is wonderful! He has such beautiful eyes, and is so handsome.

    My mother had a c-section back in 1978, and my brother spent 6-weeks in NICU as a preemie (pre-anesthesia for infants days). They told my mom he was going to be a vegetable, not to bond with him, and just to leave him there to die. Seriously.

    Now, though he has ADHD, and sensory integration issues, he's made it work for him, as a Special Forces soldier who regularly jumps out of helicopters, can stand intense pain, and speaks 3 languages, while building radios out of spare junk.

    Who knows what Max will be able to do?!!

    Good luck!

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  50. Awesome. Thank you for this.

    Bri
    (mom to an awesome guy who just happens to have CP)

    P.S. This is my 1st time on your blog. Off to read Max's story.

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  51. Sharing with my friends on Facebook. Great post!

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  52. love this Can I browor the post

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  53. I agree completely with your list! As I was reading them...I just kept saying..."Yep"!!!

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  54. I love the post and all the comments! All so true!!!
    I was eating chocolate while reading the list.

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  55. gorgeous post Ellen. Love how many comments you already have. Yay to you for inspiring so many of us, not just today but every day!!

    #20 Because we're all taking a crash course that we never signed up for, which doesn't have any text book, or any qualification to aspire to, but we embrace everything we learn - and marvel at how much we learn comes from other mums and kids - not from the "experts" (even though they really have done a course and have the paper to prove it) :-)

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  56. Because we can multi-task. We can work on our child's therapy goals, not just one at a time but incorporating PT/SLP and OT goals in one activity. This of course is happening while we are on the phone scheduling another specialist appointment and dinner is simmering on the stove. I think that is often while my head feels like it may explode.

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  57. # 12 is offensive to every "non-special-needs" mother and child on the face of this earth. How dare you suggest that one of my nieces and nephews has less needs than their older sister, or that their mother loves and cares for them any less than their sister.

    I am appalled.

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  58. You've read meaning into #12 that isn't there, Anonymous, whoever you are.

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  59. This is a wonderful list and I thank you for it.

    I understand what you are saying in #12. We are not more selfless than other moms, but there is so much work that goes into taking care of a special needs child. The countless doctor appts, therapy, evaluations. I have one child who is not special needs and one who is, and it is just more work in a way that requires more effort, more determination to help that child.

    Also, #4 hit me - I was told by one doctor that my son was autistic but she was a nutter and we decided not take her seriously. Since then, I have yet to get a diagnosis but I know in my heart that is coming down the road. It is a really hard.

    I get so much pride when things are going right for my son. I feel as though I am doing everything right for him, and when things start to slip, it is heart breaking. But there are ups and downs.

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  60. How can #12 be offensive? Special needs children DO need more from us...more time, more patience, more acceptance...it's just part of what comes along with having a special need. I take my youngest to lots of appointments and I spend lots of time doing therapy with her. She needs more accommodations than her older sister. She's also going to need me a lot longer than her sister will.

    I don't begrudge her the extra time she needs. I also don't love her any more than I love her sister. Both girls need me in different ways, but the one with special needs? She needs me more.

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  61. Anonymous -

    As a mother of two "non-special needs" children and one "special needs" child, let me just say that I did not see what you saw in #12 at all.

    Instead, I saw a reference to the immense strength required to be the mother of a special needs child.

    I saw reference to the selflessness which we special needs mom are required to have in order to support all the needs our children have above and beyond the needs of a "non-special needs" child.

    In fact, I would say that being a special needs mother has in essence, given me the ability to be a BETTER mother to my non-special needs children.

    But you see - I've now spent the better part of my response separating my kids via labels.

    They're ALL my kids, special needs or not. They're ALL my sweethearts, my little pumpkins. I love each and every one of them the same and encourage them all to be the very best they can be. I tell them all that there is NOTHING they cannot do.

    For you to read into this strong mom's words that she is trying to offend those of us who are mothers to non-special needs kids is just, well, ridiculous.

    Oh, and that #20 you wanted us to tell you about? Yeah, that one is because we are constantly growing a pair and not allowing the world to define us OR our children.

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  62. Great mother's day post! So glad I found your blog :)

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  63. Anonymous, I am always struck by the bravery of you nameless haters.

    You are offended on your sister's behalf? You speak of nieces and nephews. Are you a mother? If not, then you don't get to play here.

    Many bad words to you.

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  64. Fantastic list. It made my day :)

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  65. #11 is so true. It made me laugh to see it in print.

    Anonymous (the hater) has never had a special needs child for sure. Our kids do need us more. Moms of non-special needs kids need to realize how lucky they are. I still consider myself lucky to have Nic. Maybe even more lucky than most. But a child who can be independent and move on their own is truly blessed. And so are his or her parents. Rethink that post, Anonymous. No one here is going to feel bad that you are offended.

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  66. Because we know the miracle of an inchstone when other parents only see a minor milestone as a check box.

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  67. PS I know from other forums that Moms hate the idea of number 12. They just have not been there and cannot understand the all consuming effort of a child with special needs. They also prefer to think of themselves as better parents than you because their child does not scream inappropriately at Target.

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  68. Oh how I needed to read this today. As someone who rocks the sweat pants almost every day with chocolate stuck in the grooves of my wedding ring I can relate to every line here and most of the comments.

    As to the anonymous commenter who did not understand # 12, love is not a product that we run out of as Moms, it is our life blood behind all we do and how I read it is even after all the extras that go into parenting a child with special needs there is and always will be an ample supply of love to go around so that there is no pecking order, no most-loved-- we love differently but equally as it should be with no two people the same.

    And my number 20 is that we live in the moment more as we toss our expectations aside and enjoy the wonder before us, around us and within us.

    Thanks again for your words!

    And my number 20

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  69. This is the same Anonymous as before. I find it amusing that if I had found a way to post as "Heather" or "Monica" or whatever, nobody would have taken any pot-shots at me for posting under a false name, but that's beside the point.

    I am a mother and a grandmother.

    I should have also included my grandparents in my orignal comment. They loved all their children equally, although their oldest was left brain-damaged after she had typhoid at age 2 in 1929. I've seen and loved special needs children and adults and their parents all my life.

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  70. GREAT post!!! I copied and pasted for my blog too. I could relate to SOOO many!!

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  71. This is great. Although i my son is a normal boy, I have been a single mom for 19n years and I know how a mother feels about her child. this piece will be great inspiration for all moms out there.

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  72. Because God knew that special kids need special moms and that is why he hand picked each one of us. So yes we do rock!

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  73. I LOVE this. It made me cry.My Ryan is 7 years old with austim. And this just broke my heart . Number 11. THANKS SO MUCH for posting this.

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  74. #20 - because we are exhausted, but we just keep being the best moms that we know how to be.

    And yes, we are more selfless than other moms. We need to be and if you think this isn't true, you have no idea what it means to have a child with special needs.

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  75. Whew! No wonder I sometimes feel exhausted. lol

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  76. Yeah, I think we're mom enough!

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  77. thank you ..thank you thank you for making me feel better .. i see here mom's from different rsces culture ethnicity .. but i can feel the essence of wonderful "mother hood " .. we all feel and endure in the same fashion ... i wish luck to all the super mommys ... love u all !!

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  78. as a mother of a special needs kid, i thank you for posting this message !!! every line makess sense ... u have summerised the essence of our lives ..the best part for me was #4 ..
    the thing which gets us going is "hope" that our kids would lead a independent lives ... coz hope sees the invisible ;feels the intangible and achieves the impossible !!!

    i "hope" we all succeed ladies !! good luck and god bless!!

    i am bad at writing stuff ; but this post made me cry and at the same time fuelled some energy also to caary on ... so was tempted to reply ..

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  79. Jacolyn wrote:
    "Because we smile through the play dates when all we want to do is cry".

    I used to feel this way. Now I am happy as a bee. Because all the hard work i put into my child is paying off! So he is 10 and reading at a 1st grade reading level..who cares! My Child is reading! He is doing all the things the "experts" said he wouldn't be doing. He is talking..not like an average 10 year old should..but his voice and small talk is music to my ears! He is the closest thing to God to me. He is sweet, innocent, loving and hasn't got one bad bone in his body. Life is great. And I am truly blessed. Cheers! thank you for posting! I ROCK! :-)

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  80. I agree with the post, thanks a lot for post it. You write my thoughts about my life with my special needs son, i'm living in Barcelona i am a single mum of 3 kids. My son has a severe cerebral palsy and i never thought that he could raise this goals. He finished secundary school and he is starting high school, in my country is very difficult because there are a very few helps for them. Then i am very glad for the special life i have had thanks to my son, this a great leson of life.

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  81. We rock because when other Moms are grateful when their babies sleep through the night-We are grateful our baby made it through the night..we rock because when we hear other Moms complain about their healthy kids driving them crazy with dance classes soccer practice and so on -We rock because we don't shake the living daylight out of those Moms We rock because we are grateful for being a special needs Mom.

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  82. We rock because when other Moms are grateful when their babies sleep through the night-We are grateful our baby made it through the night..we rock because when we hear other Moms complain about their healthy kids driving them crazy with dance classes soccer practice and so on -We rock because we don't shake the living daylight out of those Moms We rock because we are grateful for being a special needs Mom.

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  83. Thank you- I needed a good cry today. WE DO ROCK and need to be told that everyday- sometimes to just get through the day. Thank you for being brave enough to say what we are all thinking.

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Thanks for sharing!