Monday, April 19, 2010

Proud to be a pushy mom. And you?

Hiya. I hope everyone had a fun weekend. The kids did...well, mostly. Sabrina had a soccer lesson, declared it "boring," then had to leave midway through to come home and go to the bathroom, in typical high maintenance style.

It was opening game for Max's Little League Challenger Division. Dave called me from the field. "He's crying and he wants to leave," he said.

"Don't leave," I said.

"Hon, he really doesn't want to play," Dave (aka Mr. Softie) said.

"But he's always like this—he wigs out the first time, then he settles in, then he loves it," I said. It was like the first time Max ever went, all over again. "Please don't go. It's the only sport he plays."

"Well, OK," said Dave, dubiously, and hung up.

Max eventually did agree to put on his uniform and the hat, but he refused to bat. So Dave left early and took him out for lunch.

I felt bad that I hadn't gone, but I didn't feel the least bit bad for pushing Dave and Max to stay. It's great for Max to have a regular sport to play, and I know he'll get into it once he's adjusted. Also, not for nothing, I think it's good for Dave to take his son to a softball game.

This weekend, I also pushed Max to work on his coloring; I refused to do it for him, as I often do. And I made him brush his teeth by himself. And get into his car booster seat by himself. And I coaxed him into making Sunday night dinner!

OK, just wishful thinking there.

Lately, I have been pushing Max a lot. At seven, he's ready to be more independent. He actually does a lot more things on his own at school, like putting on clothes, feeding himself, going to the potty. But he gets all codependent at home, and we have to quit coddling him. Well, maybe just some coddling, and lots of cuddling, cause he's still so yummy.

I doubt any of our kids would be doing as well as they are today if it weren't for us pushy moms.

We give pushy moms a good name, don't we?!

photo/istock (What, you didn't think I dyed my hair blond and got muscles, did you?)


  1. Pushing is good. Pushing isn't always easy though. Sometimes you just figure "Awww, it's easier if I just do it FOR him...." but then, you think--"Do I want to be doing it FOR him twenty years from now?"

    Pushing is an investment in future independence! Of course, you have to play the part of the, if not "bad guy," at the very least "enforcer"--when sometimes you just would rather be indulgent (and beloved as a consequence of your indulgence). It's a tricky thing!

  2. Awwwwww Ellen,
    Yeah, that's true but I have to say...I am guilty of coddling Faith too often. I am tough on her but some things I just do for her. Gotta quit that!

  3. Good for you for being pushy! That's what has no doubt helped Max to come so far, and will help him to continue to go far in the future.
    Yes, I am pushy with Monkey Boy. When he was a young toddler and just learning to walk, he learned quickly that if he sat down and started fake crying, certain people would scoop him right up. I wouldn't, however, and instead would tell him to get right back up and keep walking. I remember getting a few horrified looks as people watched the mean mother force the baby with the brace on his foot to walk, but I know I did the right thing in the long run.
    If I hadn't pushed Monkey when he was younger, I'd still be wiping his butt now. Yeah, I'm definitely glad I pushed him in that department!
    I'm glad Max stuck it out at baseball. I hope you can get some pictures and/or a video next week! Last year's video is still one of my favorites.

  4. Good one, Ellen! Even if your hair is not blond the photo is representative of an attitude that will pay-off for your whole family.


  5. I'm a pushy mom and don't give a damn who judges me for it!! Gabe is going to eventually be out on his own and if I don't start making him do unpleasant things now, things he doesn't really like or want to do, who IS?

    Yes, it sucks to see them so upset when you are pushing, but to see the pride after they finish something makes it worth the nagging guilt of "I shouldn't have pushed" in the end.

  6. This is so on the money. I think about it constantly, I try to make it a little easier on my daughter by doing it for her, in reality I am making it harder. And when I push, after the whining for a while, she quickly learns to do it without a problem. Ie, putting on her socks is hard for her as her hamstring muscles are tight. When I started pushing her to do it, she whined and cryed a few times and now does it with no questions. When she is with friends she is going to be a lot happier she can put on her own socks. Simple example but so true. I love your blogs, they really help when it seems like nobody understands.

  7. I totally agree with you all. I think about these things all the time. I worry about the future because Emma is so literally dependent. There is little she can do without help, and pushing is not really an option for things like feeding, dressing, etc. BUT... I still push her in how much she assist, bears weight, cooperates, etc. It's in an efforto toward getting physically able to do those things some day--hopefully. My greatest fear for her is that her lack of motor skills will cause her to be dependent. If I am not around, that thought scares the doody out of me. So, keep pushing!!

  8. I needed this reminder. I am not pushy and I need to be pushy for my son have to love those Max cuties! He is 3 1/2 and heavy, yet I carry him almost everywhere because he has muscle issues and it is often hard for him to walk...or is it? It is hard to tell. My husband is great at pushing. I think I would still be spoon feeding the child if it was not for him. Max just seems so needy, he is my youngest. I baby him. I need to push him. Love your blog!

  9. Yes! This is right on!

  10. Felicia said it best, "Pushing is an investment in future independence"! Keep pushing and you may be surprised by how far Max will go!!!!

  11. You seem like a great mom. Do you watch Parenthood? This story reminded me of the boy Max on the show who wasn't so into T-ball either (but because he has Asperger's, not CP.). Anyway, it's a great show either way. I think you'd like it!

  12. I keep meaning to watch Parenthood, thx for that reminder. Yes, "Pushing is an investment in future independence" says it all. Keep on pushing, everyone!


Thanks for sharing!

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