Thursday, May 6, 2010

Not just a special needs mom

I've got more mom thoughts on the brain today. Including whether Dave is going to let me sleep late on Sunday, though he probably will, since he is such an awesome guy. RIGHT, HONEY?!!

But enough about me and my chronic sleep deprivation and my husband who is going to let me sleep in on Sunday. RIGHT, HONEY?!!

You know how I gave us props in yesterday's post for being able to see our kids for who they are—and not as kids who have disabilities? Today, I've been thinking about how I don't necessarily want to be seen as a mom of a kid with special needs.

I know, I know—I write this blog. I am way out of that closet, which is exactly where I want to be. But is it crazy to wish that people understood having a kid with special needs doesn't define me as a person? It keeps me plenty busy, to be sure. And yet...

I am a mom just like any other mom, in many ways.

I am a woman just like any other woman, in many ways.

I am not someone to be pitied or stared at or whispered about or avoided because you think that my life is so different than yours is.

And on Sunday, I am going to be a woman-mom who gets to sleep late. RIGHT, HONEY?!!

Flickr/Flipped Cracker


  1. I hear you - both on the sleep thing and being more of a mom with a label - though I would wear the label if it meant my kid does not have too.

    Good luck sleeping in.

  2. I feel the same way. The other day, I wrote down the "generals" as to who I think I am and being a mom was nearer to the top and being a mom to a special needs child is nearer the bottom. It might not make sense to somebody else but it makes sense to me, :)

  3. Good points Ellen. I think having Sabrina makes that part a little easier probably. For me that's my definition. And I am ok with that. BTW...can you send Carl a text message reminding him to let me sleep in? LOL!

  4. I think this is important for me to remember too. There is more to me than all this stuff (ie, therapy) that fills my time. I'm a woman, I'm a mom. And I want to sleep in. ;)

  5. I hope you get to sleep in! Happy Mother's Day!

  6. Just found your blog and I love it!!! Enjoy your sleep in! Taz

  7. I want to be seen as something other than a Special Needs Dad fact, I think I would prefer if people saw me as Brad Pitt or George Clooney. That'd be good.

    As Dean Wormer says...Fat, bald and stupid is NO way to go through life, son.

  8. I feel the same way, and I also need sleep. You always put things so wonderfully.

  9. I'm hoping for sleep too! I'm proud to be a mommy to Zack but there are days when I wish I didn't know the medical terminology that I do, or that I could just go to a simple Mommy and Me class without worring about Zack getting another pneumonia. I wish our days were spent at the park, not at physio, speech and OT.
    But I am also grateful for all that we do in a day to be "normal" and have fun!

    Happy Mother's Day-
    Follow me at

  10. I'm chiming in to say I feel the same way, including needing that extra sleep. Not sure if I'll get that because I've over heard whispering of breakfast in bed before church so I'll most likely be pounced on at 7 or so Sunday morning.

  11. I think my Mom would say the same thing...all my friends know her as "Ty's Mom", it's who she is! Oh, and she's also a great sandwich maker, boo-boo kisser, tucker-inner, ladybug hunter and story maker-upper.

    I might let her sleep in on Sunday...maybe.

  12. Ellen, I hear you 100 percent! For me, I've always struggled with not letting my disability define me as a person, but at the same time, there's no denying that it IS a part of my identity.

    Great post! xoxo

    P.S. I love those photos of Max with the lilacs! :)

  13. My name is John W Quinn and I wanted to tell you about my memoir titled Someone Like Me - An Unlikely Story of Challenge and Triumph Over Cerebral Palsy. It was released 15 April 2010 by History Publishing Company.

    You see, I was born with cerebral palsy and kept it a secret to join the Navy. In fact, I kept my condition a secret for my entire 20 year military career.

    Someone Like Me is not a military book, nor is it just for people with muscular disorders. Its for anyone who has faced challenges in their lives and succeeded.

    I have a website where you can read the first chapter of Someone Like Me, join me on Facebook, or read my blog.

    All the best and thanks!


  14. It is so easy to get so caught up in this title, isn't it? We spend so much of our time being sure to help our little angels, we forget to take care of ourselves. I always have to remind my self of that! I sure hope you get to sleep in and find sometime quality time just for you! Time in which you remember who you are at your core! And always remember....we are all out there going to therapy and fighting the good fight for our kiddos! Thank you for writing your blog and being so honest. It is so nice to know that others feel the same way I do.


  15. I never liked being seen as a special mom. I know I'm not special. I'm a jerk and suck at this mothering thing half the time.

    I better get to sleep in on Sunday, seeing as how I have to WORK all afternoon.

  16. Sleep? Given up on that a long time ago boohoo. But the other thing...well I used to be a Mum who proudly went everywhere with her 3 kids, and the beautiful non-walking, non-talking one, just looked like an overgrown toddler. Now it's just me and her and she is now obviously a teenager and yes we get pitying stares all the time. I really hate it and would like some Angel to provide me with some very expensive supertrendy dark glasses that I would wear all the time to avoid those stares.

  17. This is EXACTLY what I am struggling with right now. I think it crosses over to "who I am when I am not a mom" in general, but it's mostly that as much as I appreciate that people are trying to connect with me - discussing autism at all moments of my life isn't exactly what I call a good time - especially when it is currently defining most of my free time. Still learning how to politely change the subject and focus on the positive.

  18. I'm feeling down about my skills as this type of mom.

    I think i'm the special needs mom, as in my guy has to do the taking care of. As in, I'm the one with the neds.


Thanks for sharing!

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