5 hours ago
Thursday, May 16, 2013
The aliens on our lawn
People, I need your help before our entire family falls victim to alien invaders that are disguised as onion grass.
The grass first appeared last year in the bed of plants on our front lawn. I'd never seen it before and I am usually clueless about detecting what's weed and what's plant, but I knew this stuff had to go. When I pulled up some stalks, I realized they smelled strangely like onion. Then I pulled up the roots and holy cow, there were little onion bulbs down there. I thought they were creepy, like some alien plant had invaded our lawn.
I immediately posted on our town's community bulletin board. "How do I get rid of onion grass?" I asked—and got a whole bunch of responses about how lovely it tastes in salads.
I spent a few hours last summer pulling the stuff out at the roots. Sabrina pitched in for about two minutes before realizing how annoying the task is.
This year, the onion grass has returned in full force. Now it's not just in the plant bed—it's on the front and back lawns, too. Yes, the aliens have returned and this time, they may just morph into evil extraterrestrials who take over our lives and minds and this blog, which will be renamed Love That Onion Grass. If that should happen, please immediately alert the authorities!
This is one of a series of weird nature happenings at our home, including but not limited to the dead birds and the squirrel who liked Justin Bieber. Meanwhile, I do like coming home to a nice-looking front lawn that does not have an alien presence, so I have spent several weekend afternoons cutting off the onion grass stalk by agonizing stalk and spritzing weed killer, which is what the guy at the garden store said to do.
It's been a losing battle: More onion grass keeps coming up. Dave could care less about it, which he will surely regret when the plants attack us in the middle of the night. Also: I do not want to spend any more of my precious free time dealing with it, time that could be spent on the kids and/or watching HGTV.
This is where you come in. Would you swing by and help me pull it? He he, I would never expect that of you. So could you just send your husbands? He he. Seriously, folks (and onion grass is no laughing matter, we're talking about a national security issue!): I have gotten such amazing advice here over the years and was wondering what sort of suggestions you might have about dealing with it, and preventing it from returning.
Nobody suggest onion tart or onion dip or I'm coming to your house and planting some onion grass.
Image of onion grass that makes it look far too lovely: Wikimedia/Maxiegran