It started with an experiment where I tracked the word "retard" on Twitter and asked people to reconsider using it. And I've continued to speak out about the r-word and how offensive it is, as have many parents of kids with special needs and others. It's been gratifying to hear people say that they have quit using that word. It's been hard to hear people staunchly defending their use of it or getting into passionate diatribes about semantics and freedom of speech. Sometimes, it seems as if the word might be engraved on people's tombstones, so fond of it are they: Here lies Cassie, devoted mother, loving wife, advocate for the word "retard."
Today is the fifth annual day of awareness for Spread The Word To End The Word, a campaign created by the Special Olympics. To illuminate why the word is so demeaning, why parents take it so personally and why this isn't just about a word, I put together a little quiz I hope you'll share. The prize for acing it: a lifetime supply of compassion, consideration and soul.
1. The word "retard" is another word for...
a) Loser
b) Pathetic
c) Uncool
d) Stupid
e) Clueless
f) All of the above
2. The phrase "That's retarded!" basically means...
a) "That's uncool"
b) "That's ignorant"
c) "That's ridiculous"
d) "That's pointless"
e) All of the above
3. And now, a three-step exercise. First, read this paragraph:
When Ann Coulter referred to President Obama as "the retard" in a tweet last October, Special Olympics athlete/global messenger John Franklin Stephens wrote an open letter to her. In it he said, "I'm a 30 year old man with Down syndrome who has struggled with the public's perception that an intellectual disability means I'm dumb and shallow.... After I saw your tweet, I realized you just wanted to belittle the President by linking him to people like me. You assumed that people would understand and accept that being linked to someone like me is an insult...."
Then watch this video:
Then answer this question:
If people with intellectual disability are offended by the word and consider it a slur, it's better not to use the word, right?
a) I don't agree.
b) I think I'm starting to get it.
4. True or False:
• "Mental retardation" was once a clinical diagnosis. When the words "retard" and "retarded" became derogatory slang, however, modern-day organizations, doctors and schools quit using that diagnosis.
• In 2010, Congress dropped the terms "mental retardation" and "mentally retarded" in federal health, education and labor laws and replaced them with "intellectual disability"—and 43 states have passed similar legislation.
• I am a clever person who can come up with plenty of other words to use besides "retard" and "retarded" and "tard."
5. Logic section!
IF you had a child with intellectual disability, and you wanted to empower this child in a world where there is real stigma against people with disabilities, and you pray that he'll never feel like a lesser human being for having disabilities, MIGHT you want people to avoid using a word that perpetuates negative stereotypes?
a) Nope
b) I get it, I get it
6. If you're not yet convinced, consider this: You wouldn't make fun of someone who was deaf or paralyzed—or use their disabilities as insults, would you? As in, you'd never say "Oh, my boss is such a quadriplegic!" So then...
a) It makes sense not to slam people with intellectual disability by using "retard" as a synonym for "loser"
b) I'm still not convinced
7. OK, then try this fill-in-the-blank sentence where you replace "retard" with another word, and see how it feels:
"She is such a [insert your name/your partner's name/your child's name/your mother's name] for dropping her iPhone out the car window!"
8. If you still insist it's fine to use the word as long as you are not actually making fun of a person with intellectual disability, then you are:
a) Missing the point
b) Missing the point
c) Missing the point
d) All of the above
9. In the last couple of years, when celebs and other well-knowns have dropped the r-bomb, some have publicly apologized. Take Lady Gaga, who used the word "retarded" in an interview then issued a statement that said "I consider it part of my life's work and music to push the boundaries of love and acceptance. My apologies for not speaking thoughtfully...."
This is a sign that:
a) These celebs feel badly
b) Their publicists have told them to feel badly
c) The word is a slur, so publicists consider it important enough to issue statements
d) Lady Gaga should do a song about why the word sucks
e) All of the above
10. This whole thing about people speaking out about the r-word: Is it about censorship, political correct-ness or freedom of speech? Or is it really about consideration, dignity and respect for people with intellectual disability?
a) It's really about consideration, dignity and respect for people with disability.
ANSWER KEY
Do the decent thing and use a word that doesn't insult people with disability, demean them and pain those who love them.
Extra credit: Watch this video, take this pledge.
Thank you for this. I wish many more people could understand how hurtful this word is.
ReplyDeleteLove the quiz. It's perfect.
ReplyDeleteAwesome, awesome, awesome video you put together of Max!!! Very inspiring.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, I think the biggest thing we as parents can do is spread the importance of being aware of what our words mean to others. We have a certain role in defining the future of how kids treat each other.
ReplyDeleteR-word officially out of our lexicon (do I get bonus points for using the word lexicon)?
ReplyDeleteYes! 100 bonus points! And, thanks, Nicole.
DeleteIt's been deleted from mine also. Now I advocate against the use of "The Word". Thank you for bringing awareness to an area where people don't think much about the effect of what they say.
DeleteThank you, from me and my daughter Rachel.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post! thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAbsoultly well put!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Shared on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteBravo! I think people also need to understand that "moron' and 'imbecile' have similar impacts.
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say I agree with movement of Spread the Word to End the Word, but I am wondering how far you would argue it should go? Would you argue that we eliminate all words that have the meaning "stupid"? Foolish has similar roots, just further back historically; and the argument could be made for many negative terms.
DeleteI think a lot of people aren't aware that "moron" and "imbecile" were ever clinical terms - I wasn't until I had the chance to look at a medical textbook from the 1940's. So it's a bit of a different context.
DeleteGreat post! It seems like many people don't know this, but Spread the Word to End the Word is actually a partnership between Best Buddies and Special Olympics! Just a point of reference! Thanks for your awesome writing, I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful post and thanks for the videos you posted. This will help spread the word that it is not okay to use this types of words! I also like the example of Spread the word to End the word. Great post!
ReplyDeleteSylvia
Beautiful post. Shared it on my FB page.
ReplyDeleteThank you! (FYI I don't know if your link to the pledge is working for others but it didn't work for me.)
ReplyDeleteJust saw a tweet: The r-word.org site is temporarily down due to heavy volume of users, should be up soon.
DeleteYou rock at being able to oh so clearly articulate why that word is so hurtful. Thanks for giving me all the words I need to share it with my peeps :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! ♥
ReplyDeleteGreat video Ellen!
ReplyDeleteFantastic entry Ellen, thank you for taking the time to post something that WILL make a difference.
ReplyDeleteWow. I saw this shared on FB by a friend. I was honestly, up until about 3 minutes ago, one of those people who was simply indifferent to the word. I used it, not all the time, but here and there...to describe someone I thought was being idiotic, an unfair situation, etc etc etc.
ReplyDeleteThis article was so simple....so direct.....and SO effective!
Thank you. For opening my eyes to something I was ignorant about and rather ambivalent about. Thank you for opening my eyes and helping me to see how simple it is to be sensitive. Just because it doesn't offend me, per-se, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt someone else. And for some reason, that never really sunk in until just now.
Great post Ellen!
ReplyDeleteLove, love, love this. Especially love the video. I'm going to share it on my Facebook page. You are awesome. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteShared here: http://www.facebook.com/FindingNinee and I'm going to tweet it now. You rock.
DeleteAs someone with a physical disability who has above average smarts I have to say the mark has been missed a little during this whole movement. The entire reason WHY the "r-word" is so offensive is it's becauue it's uses to negatively describe people with ALL DISABILITIES, physical, emotional AND mental.
ReplyDeletePut it in different terms it is pretty much accepted the "n-word" is the most offensive name to call a black person! We all agree it's offensive and shouldn't be used,that's not the point. However offensive it is, IT'S NOT A LIE, ALL BLACK people are indeed the "N-word", there's no debate here.
Nobody should use either word, yet the "R-word" is vastly behind the "N-word" from becomeing unacceptable langauge. I truly believe we are making good strides to remove the "r-word" from everyday vocabulary, I feel my statement above will get us there quicker.
Well this one certainly hits home, I've been trying to think of ways to let people know this work is so very hurtful, now it's done ! Thank-you.........
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Thanks for it!
ReplyDeleteAs to using an epithet that makes fun of someone who's paralyzed--well, yes, that happens. "She's such a spazz!" No doubt this word is used much less frequently than the r-word, how about putting that on the (x)-word list too?
ReplyDeleteA little more compassion, consideration, and humanity for everybody, and the world will be a better place.
Ellen also mentioned that deaf people aren't made fun of-- not true! "What, are you deaf?" is used a LOT. But it is true that it isn't used in the way "retarded" is- i.e. "That's SO deaf!" Agreed with spazz- it should definitely not be used. I go by a general rule of, "If I was standing by someone with a physical or mental disability, would I want to say this?" Saying "I'm so spazzy" around a person with, say, CP would be awkward and therefore I do not use the word, period.
DeleteTERRIFIC POST, ELLEN!! Fantastic job- if anyone tries to argue with me about using "retarded" as a form of free speech, I will refer them here for a "quiz!"
I love the woman who said she doesn't have down syndrome she has up syndrome.
ReplyDeleteI love the woman who said she doesn't have down syndrome she has up syndrome.
ReplyDeleteBravo! BRAVO, Ellen! I stood up & cheered when I read this powerful post. I pray that it will have that sort of impact on EVERYONE who reads it.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with this movement, as I see it, is that language evolves, and this movement is trying to stifle that evolution. Words that once meant something derogatory towards people lose their meaning over time. Why are people who are so against the word 'retard' not similarly outraged by the words 'dumb' and 'idiot?' Those words used to be clinical diagnoses that meant largely the same thing as "mentally retarded." Why is there no campaign to wipe those words from the American lexicon? Because it's understood that they no longer carry much weight. The same is happening to 'retard,' and will continue to happen if you would let it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that the only people trying to label disabled people are the ones trying to wipe out this word. It is YOU who are insisting that this word applies to certain people, when society in general is actually starting to categorize it more like "idiot" and "dumb." While those aren't very nice things to call someone, they're also not particularly hurtful unless you allow them to be. In your crusade, you are committing the offense you're imploring others not to. It does not empower anyone. How can you empower someone when you seek to make a world that doesn't hurt their feelings, simply because it hurts yours? The simple truth is that we don't get very far in trying to change the world to suit our desires.
I forget what it's called, but there's a fable where a king tells his assistant that he wants all his kingdom carpeted with the finest skins because the hard ground offends his feet. His assistant, realizing this is the wrong way to accomplish the king's intent (which is to soothe his feet), convinces the king instead to put small pieces of skin on everyone's feet, rather than carpeting the entire kingdom. The goal is accomplished much more practically by giving each individual the small piece of skin to protect his or her own feet.
If you want to empower your kids, you teach them that words only have the power we, as individuals, grant to them. The words "I'm offended" imply the inability to control one's emotions. Teach your kids that they have the POWER to choose how certain words make them feel. If you try to wipe out a word because it offends you, you are handing over YOUR power to that word, and no word should have power over any human being.
This is coming from someone who was tormented by words throughout his childhood. I've been called every name in the book. It wasn't until I realized that I had the power, not the words, that I stopped letting those words hurt me.
The sad reality is that focusing on the word by trying to eradicate it only prolongs that word's strength. If we stop trying to do the impossible thing of eradicating words we find repugnant and instead stop granting those words power, they will fade into the background of our language and become, if not forgotten, then completely impotent.
It is impossible to eradicate a word. It is entirely possible to steal that word's power for yourself.
Moron
Delete"It is impossible to eradicate a word. It is entirely possible to steal that word's power for yourself."
DeleteThe best you can reply with is "moron". Do you realize how ridiculous you look?
It has been proven through out time that words do not go away, they can only lose relevance and meaning.
I agree we need to take the power of the word away, but sticking our fingers in our ears and pretending it doesn't exist is making things worse.
Perhaps. But focusing on the word does no better. Look at the N word- not only does it still exist, but it is more racially charged than it ever has been, simply because of the focus that has been put on it.
DeleteThere seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between the word and the behavior context in which it's used. People are ascribing attributes to the word that really belong to the intention of the person using it.
The word itself is nothing more than a noise we make with our mouths. This is important. Seriously, say the word 'donkey' over and over again to yourself sometime and just try to keep yourself from laughing. Do the same with the word retard, and you'll end up with the same result. It's just a sound, and a pretty silly one at that.
What we should be focusing on is the behavior in which someone uses words as weapons. The words themselves are irrelevant- it is the intent we should be focusing on. When the intent to hurt someone with the word is gone, the word no longer has any power.
Amen. This is what I was trying to say.
DeleteUnfortunately, there still are medical diagnoses that use that word. I'm thinking specifically of WAGR syndrome. It is still a terminology that is used by the World Health Organization currently as well.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, the word was actually put in place to replace terms previously used that were also considered offensive and derogatory: (moron, imbecile and idiot).
I'm NOT advocating that the word should be used. What I'm trying to get across is that it's more than just words; it's people's attitudes and behaviours and intentions when using words.
We can keep changing words, but if people don't change their reasonings for using words (i.e., are they purposely using words to imply an insult), then it won't be long before the new words themselves become offensive (and hurtful).
In a perfect world we'd all be dead and NOBODY would be offended by ANYTHING. As Anonymous intimated, there are serious CONTROL issues behind the use, and non-use, of ANY word in ANY language. I'd be more concerned about how humans ACT in or out of concert with "language" toward the disabled, the least fortunate, the dying, and the truly helpless than I would be with their lexicon, having been acquainted with too many morons who beat their women like a base drum while calling them "Honey".
ReplyDeleteThe only way to make a change is through awareness and education. Thank you for doing so thoughtfully, skillfully and intelligently. Hopefully all our kids will be in a world without such thoughtless hateful words.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
We had our school assembly on Friday about Spread The Word To End the Word.(the school would only agree to it on a friday)And the results rocked! There were no problems(besides learning the IPads and Microphones dont like to coperate together and that there is a challenge getting upperclassmen to listen to freshmen)But all of our hard work paid off! who cares if it was 4 days early
ReplyDeleteBy the way Ellen this marks the second anaversiry scince I found your blog.
Dont use the R word it hurts and if you think the person it is dericted at cant understand think again I have seen a nonverbal teenager fly around in her seat, and get very mad when called a retard. In 2nd grade when I was first called a retard I burst into tears in the middle of gym.(Yes I remeber it 7 years later I can even tell you the date May 5th)
I hope this doesn't come across poorly, but I genuinely want to know. What is the correct term for fire-retardant materials? What about the retarded potential of electromagnetic fields?
ReplyDeleteI understand this is intended for insensitive people that use a perfectly acceptable word in a bad context. My one issue is how people have bastardized a wonderful description into a slur.
I think it's okay as long as you're not using it to describe people/medical conditions, or in the derogatory sense Ellen described. Hey, in French "retard" is a word used for lateness in general, nobody's asking them to stop.
DeleteThank you Rachael :)
DeleteI agree. No one would object to it being used in scientific terms. I use the words retard and retarded all the time when talking about engine mapping/ignition timing. It's the correct term to use.
DeleteI think anyone who objects to that sort of use really needs to expand their horizons..
As a mother of a disabled child i have had the unfortunate experiences of having the word used hatefully twds him as well as people using the word as much as using the word "the". It hurts and has literally drove me to the point of anger to where i become very nasty. Think of others. We dont realize words do indeed hurt
ReplyDeleteThank you! A well written post/quiz.
ReplyDeleteOK You PC Nazi's...We live in a Country that to the best of my knowledge still has Freedom of Speech...You may not like someone elses choice of words or beliefs but it is their right as american...We do Not live in a Group Think society where everybody has to think the same way..Get over it.
ReplyDeleteRETARD RETARD RETARD!!!!!!
GO BUNCH OF NAZI'S
Yes it is also Ellen's right to promote disability awareness how would you feel if it was you with the impairments and someone said that.
DeleteGET OVER IT...IF YOUR CHILD IS A 'TARD, THEY'RE A 'TARD...THATS LIFE!!!!!
ReplyDeleteShe wants what every mother wants for their child: success.
DeleteHeartThanks, dear Ellen! Your video made me cry. Your children are beautiful, and so are you! With a HeartFull of gratitude for all the Gold you spread over this Universe, CherylFaith, Robin, & Leo (9)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. Thank you. And I shouldn't have read these comments. I don't get how people can read what you said and still be so stinking mean. Thank you for putting yourself out there and for articulating this so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you from the bottom of my heart and my son's! Thank you for creating this very powerful quiz and video. And thank you Jane Lynch for speaking out as a celebrity and making a difference in the lives of those whose voices have been oppressed for so long.
ReplyDeleteAh, this old post again...
ReplyDeleteWell, as a disabled person I choose to call myself what I like. This includes reclaiming the world "cripple" and "spastic" and using them as a form of power instead of oppression. I feel this is the correct approach rather than trying to get rid of a word, which is simply never going to happen. After all, people can hardly make fun of you using those words if you use them yourself first. I am a "crip" and a "spaz" and proud of that.
Exactly: you CHOOSE to call yourself what you like. You have CHOSEN to reclaim these words for yourself. Similarly, I call myself queer; I've made the decision to reclaim this slur to describe my sexuality. However, I would never apply the word "queer" to anyone who didn't first apply it to themselves. While I may see the word as empowering, it still backs a powerful punch of hurt for many, many people in my community. It was used to degrade and dehumanize us, and still is. If anyone outside of my community called me queer as an insult, or used that word or "gay" as slurs around me, I would take serious exception. It's MY word, not theirs. The only people who can reclaim a slur are those who it has been used to oppress. So if a person with an intellectual disability told me that they wanted to be called a r*tard, r*tarded, or a person with r*tardation, I would acquiesce to their request (though doing so would make me deeply uncomfortable). However, all of the self advocates I have spoken to, and all of the self advocates who have spoken out about this issue, are STRONGLY against the 'r' word being used in any capacity. That has been their choice, though it may not be yours. Again, if a person with an ID chooses reclamation I will honor their personal identity; but it's just that -- a PERSONAL identity. It's not for you to reclaim this word for them.
DeleteI never said it was my place to reclaim the world for them, so you basically just wrote that whole rant out for nothing.
DeleteI was just explaining how words used to oppress can equally be used to empower. Regardless of whether choose to label themselves "retarded" (by the way, why do you block a letter out when that's what you mean and people read it as?), people also CHOOSE to get offended at the use of these sorts of words. I have had strangers call me a cripple and a spastic but what reason do I have to get offended when I see it as an empowering term? None.
"I feel this is the correct approach rather than trying to get rid of a word, which is simply never going to happen. After all, people can hardly make fun of you using those words if you use them yourself first."
DeleteYou literally said that the "correct approach" to oppressive language is to reclaim it (as you have)...or laugh at them, which, given the fact that people with intellectual disabilities have been the butt of dehumanizing "humor" for centuries, seems like a particularly cruel and insensitive suggestion. You say "words used to oppress can equally be used to empower": if you actually read my response, you'll see that I agree, to a point. Once again, while I have taken a word used to oppress me and used it to empower me instead, I don't (as you clearly did) make value judgments about those who are not empowered by that word. My "rant" was simply a suggestion that you extend those seeking to eradicate the r-word instead of embracing it the same courtesy. (Also, asterisking oppressive language is kind of social justice 101...)
You act like I am some outsider who knows nothing about living as a disabled person, lol. As if I have never been dehumanised because of my own disabilities. I never said to laugh at anyone. I was merely stating that it's sometimes beneficial to make fun of oneself because it takes away the power of others to make fun; I've tried it myself, and yes it may not work for other people but clearly outlawing the use of a word is not working either.
DeleteFact is that people can choose to get offended by it or they can find some other way to deal with it. You can sit on your high horse and pass judgements about me apparently making judgements, but that's what it comes down to. If people want to waste their energy being offended instead of putting energy into changing attitudes in other ways that is not my problem.
Well written! I correct my middle school students all the time about this word. And when they do use it I remind them that it is not only an ugly word but that it is harmful to me and my child. When I bring up my child their attitudes quickly change and that word has been slowly diminishing from my room.
ReplyDeleteWhen Ann Coulter referred to President Obama as "the retard" she was merely exemplifying a core republican principle "I'm more prosperous than the majority of society so boo hoo for the rest of you who got the short straw in life - that's not MY problem".
ReplyDeleteI believe all this political correctness is retarding us as a society, as in slowing down our progress. That is what "retarded" means, to be slow, behind, etc. When I set the timing on my vehicles engine, I can either advance or retard the timing. To retard it is to make it behind TDC. People with mental disabilities are slow, or behind the normal, therefore retarded mentally. I agree with the people that say you are giving the word power by trying to erase it. Heck, I'm white, but feel guilty about calling a black person black. That is what they are if I am white. I know very few "African Americans," meaning people who are now American citizens whom emigrated from Africa.
ReplyDeleteA long time ago, when I was a kid, I had a neighbor and friend with an intellectual disability. One day I told her she was retarded. I will never forget the look of hurt on her face and how angry she became. I regretted using the word immediately. It had been my father who told me that she was retarded. I did not know it was wrong to say until it was too late. So it is important for parents and all adults to model good behavior for their kids.
ReplyDeleteI have new neighbors that are very frustrating. Very rude and loud and dirty. I have spoken with them many times and they say they will change but then they don't. I referred to them as "retarded" but now I see that was wrong to. I wont be using that word again.
Thank you!
I really get why it hurts some people already think people like me are dumb, slow and incompetent and that word only perpetuates that sort of thinking I no longer say the word and I asked my sister not to say it either.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the supportive comments, to all the other parents out there who wrote amazing posts, and to those of you who get it (and who care enough to get it). I'm leaving the ignorant/jerk-y comments up here to inspire people to keep right on advocating! As I've said before, I choose to pity the haters. What sad lives they must live; you can't hate like that and be a happy person, can you?
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post!! Thank you!!
ReplyDeletefirst time commenter long time reader. I would LOVE to say the pledge is going to work and I just HATE people who use the word retard it's like saying "your a retard and I'm better than you" When your not. Thank you very much for putting this and for making this pledge thank you very very very very very very much.
ReplyDeleteI am getting so tired of that word THE PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES CANT HELP IT!!! THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY !!! THEY ARE UNIQUELY BE.U.TITUFUL
ReplyDeleteso tired of the politically correct garbage. I won't stop using the word in it's proper context because someone else has a perception of what the word means. I agree that the word is derogatory and should not be used to describe a child with Ds. But please, take it down a notch.
ReplyDelete