Thursday, January 19, 2012

Stuff Special Needs Moms Say


"I know the doctor's booked, any chance you can squeeze us in?"

"Here, honey, look at this/try this/hold this/eat this/step on this/move this!"

"I'm going to ask for more PT, OT and ST at the IEP."

"What do you mean you can't give him any more PT, OT and ST?"

"You DID IT, honey!!!"

"What do you mean our insurance doesn't cover any more therapies?"

"Oh. My. God. My head is going to explode."

"He's delayed, but he's coming along!"

"We need a corner table in a quiet part of the restaurant, please."

"Please stop kicking the table with your knees!"

"Please stop whacking the table!"

"DON'T THROW THAT BREAD ROLL!"

"Yes, I did most of the therapy exercises you recommended!"

"He's pretty easy to babysit!"

"There was a significant infarct but it did not affect the basal ganglia, it was mostly in the parietal, occipital and parietal lobes. The brain stem was spared."

"NICE TRY, honey!!!"

"What kind of toy/therapy/app is that? Does it work?"

"Did he just say that word? I think he said that word. Didn't he?"

"Let me speak with your supervisor."

"They're real, and they're spectacular."

"I know an amazing pediatric neurologist!"

"Of course he's bright."

"TRY IT AGAIN, honey!!!"

"I'm calling about a refill for my child's prescription."

"I know you can do that, and I'm not doing it for you!"

"I need an aspirin."

"I need Xanax."

"I need a nap."

"A sensory gym's opening up near us? Psych!"

"Oops! Forgot to fill out that form."

"You are supposed to be using the iPad for the speech app, not YouTube!"

"Is it possible to die from filling out too many forms?"

"I can't find any shoes that fit his braces!"

"GOOD JOB, honey!!!"

"He gets a little wigged out by noise."

"Don't be sorry, he's a great kid."

34 comments:

  1. Love all of these.
    Don't forget "Please don't climb onto the windowsill" , "We have to get dressed in the morning" and "coins are not food". Or maybe that's just us...

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  2. I am pretty sure at lest 90% of those saying come out of my mouth on a weekly basis :)

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  3. Guilty on all charges.
    So funny to read all of these.
    Also: knowing and using specialists first names; "he's a plumber, son, maybe he doesn't want cuggles"; waving to ambulance drivers we know; "you're new? Have you read his files or do you need a quick summary?"; "swallow what you've got and then you can have some more. You're not a gerbil";"careful what you say, Ashley's using the voice sampler on his DS again."

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  4. I haven't said all of those but I know what they all mean!!

    And mine ARE real and fabulous! ;-)

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  5. "This IS my son on medication," in response to people who ask if I'd consider meds to help with his focus & attention.

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  6. Oh, the shoes!! Other than dealing with medical billing, which is hands-down The Worst, finding shoes for braces is the bane of my existence.

    And I loved the Seinfeld reference! The best, Ellen - the best!

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  7. Seinfeld *the real and spectacular comment*

    And with throwing the bread roll, I was thinking that if he throws it with accuracy then it's therapy, right?

    And with the "I have a great neurologist" made me laugh because I frequently brag about Joey's neurologist and Joey's opthamologist

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  8. You are totally speaking my language, Ellen!

    How about: FIRST, potty, THEN snack. (as just one example of the many times I say First, Then all day long).

    Or "Shirts are for wearing, not for eating."

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  9. How about, "No need to come with me. It's just a little trip to the hospital this time." or "Check out your nose picking! Great job with the fine motor."

    I'm with Sunday...mine are real and fabulous b/c what special needs mom has time/money/energy for another trip to another dang doctor!

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  10. "Is it possible to die from filling out too many forms?"

    I just bring my own. I know what they ask anyway. When they tell me I need to fill out their form I ask for a stapler & attach mine to theirs. Because if you can die from filling out forms I'm pretty sure I've come close.

    You forgot, "I'm going to get a second (third, forth, fifth.....) opinion."

    "That's not what (insert specialist) said so you need to talk to them"

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  11. In our case the basal ganglia wasn't spared... Actually that area is where most of the damage occurred. But I have said quite a few of the others!! Love this!!

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  12. Love this! But how about a list of things NOT said....
    "You think you can do it better?! Knock yourself out..."
    "Possible melt-down as we are nearing X, won't want to touch Y so I have to get ready to Z, so-in-so will speak to him so I need to be ready to get down and help foster a reply...." *constant waitress list happening in head ;)
    "10, 9, 8, 7, ...." The 10 seconds I need for either waiting for a reply before asking again- or to give myself a time out...."
    Bunch more- but not so PC!

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  13. lol@ Sara...without reading comments first, I posted to my wall on facebook, I've said 90% of these and still do. Just asked for a supervisor day before yesterday. My oldest is now 21.

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  14. things I have said:

    "Asperger's IS Autism."
    "Please get off that/off the floor/off the sink/off the counter..."
    "OMG, Where is she now?"
    "If you can't do anything more with her, how can you say she's met her full potential?"
    "Did she just read that?"
    "Stop hitting your sister!"
    "She's afraid of saying names. So just don't make her call you by name."
    (To my daughter) "How do you spell...?" (because she is a walking dictionary :) )
    "I realize she is smart, however, she has a developmental disability. That's autism."
    "She's not being rude, she has a social disability. That's autism."

    I could probably go on for days. Thank you for such a wonderful release!

    I would love to see a follow-up..."Stuff Special Needs Moms Hear" (unless it's already here. I'm a new reader).

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  15. Oh, yes, I've said way too many of these. Shoes over braces? Yuck. I can't count how many times I went shopping with braces in hand trying to fit them into shoes.

    "Take your hands out of your pants."
    "Put your pants on"
    "Pull up your diaper"
    "Inside voice"
    "What do you want?"
    "Say, [I want a cup of milk, I want chicken, I want a cookie]"
    "The battery needs charging. It won't work now."

    Now most of these other parents say, just not with my frequency and not to a 10-year-old.

    Mine are real and fabulous ... fabulously floppy.

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  16. Laughed at " I need a xanax ". I say this almost every day!! Love your blog :)

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  17. LOVE this! :) I can so relate to both the blog and the comments left underneath. lol :) Thanks so much for sharing this :)

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  18. Love this! Thanks for sharing :)

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  19. Love it, Ellen. I just gushed on someone's facebook page about the great cardiologist at a particular hospital. When did I become this person?!?

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  20. "There was a significant infarct but it did not affect the basal ganglia, it was mostly in the parietal, occipital and parietal lobes. The brain stem was spared."...Love it! My mom often says that I speak jibberish at times and then resort to asking for a glass of wine when no one can understand Hailey's medical jargon!

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  21. I've been reading your blog for years and I think this is the funniest post.

    Mine is "yes, i agree that most kids develop on their own schedule but how many 2.5 year olds do you know who are not walking...I'm not just comparing him to his twin or giving him a hard time"

    Julie Lewin

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  22. Love it!!! Also:
    Kisses are for family!

    Hands out of your pants.

    High five!

    We do not lick people. Only dogs lick people.

    Where did you put the remote/your school bag/Gmas shoes?

    How about we blow a kiss?

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  23. I love your blog. You are so wonderful to share so many things with us moms of special needs kids. Last night my 21 year old "delayed" daughter got me up 5 or 6 times. Bathroom, crying, complaining tired, etc. I don't know how to explain things in any different words. Waaaaaaa. But today will be better and we do love each other and I'm so grateful I have her. Have a great wonderful day and pamper yourself!!!

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  24. "Remember to swallow your spit."

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  25. And one I get a lot and ask a lot - "How do you like that wheelchair?" It's amazing how often I have equipment discussions with perfect strangers and it seems like we are all on the same page instantly - durable medical equipment decisions are HARD!

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  26. i.love.it.
    *please take that out of your moth
    *please dont lick your brother
    *pants first then shoes

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  27. Mom:
    Let's exercise.

    Me:
    Not now mom.

    Mom:
    I tell your physiotherapist that you didn't want to exercise.

    Me:
    Okay fine let's do it.

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  28. Oh man I've said a few of these. Right now we're a broke record and constantly say "use your words". I think I say it in my sleep. We don't have braces but we do have orthotic shoe inserts and it sucks to buy shoes. His PT bought his last pair for us when she got in his new inserts. I could've kissed her.

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  29. So I am a new reader, and I love your blog. I know how it is to say all of these...
    Along with "No bite." Keep your diaper on" "You DID IT! Happy Dance!"

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  30. I believe it is possible to die from filling out too many forms...omg...so true. It is also possible to die from going to too many "useless" meeting.

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  31. How about "those are mommy's...not yours. No touching. " referring to my real and " fabulous" breasts. Also my son is 17 and still watches cartoons so "can we watch dora because im really tired of max and ruby today?"

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Thanks for sharing!