Max was hanging out with some girls recently, part of a group Sabrina belongs to. He'd crashed their gathering at our home and was doing some drawing with them.
During a snack break, some of them ignored Max, who was trying to make conversation. But a couple hung out with him and listened to him talk about wanting to move to Orlando. One complimented the picture he'd made. They didn't talk with him in an infantile way, which sometimes happens. They spoke with him like a peer.
Parents know to teach children to be polite and to do right. But many don't think to teach theirs to be open-minded about, and accepting of, people of all abilities. It's not a hard thing to do. Even if there are no kids with disabilities in a child's academic or social circle, there are opportunities to start discussions—when a child has questions about a child or adult with disabilities they see in public, say, or in the media. There are blogs (hello) and social media. There are children and adults with disabilities on TV, from Speechless to the reality show Born This Way. People with disabilities are all around, if others choose to see them.
My own parents were awesome parents, but they did not talk with me about people with disabilities. There was so much less awareness back then. I didn't know what to make of the one child I ever met who had cognitive disabilities. And when I grew up and saw people with disabilities or parents of kids with disabilities, I only felt sorry for them. Then I had a child with disabilities.
I didn't judge the girls who ignored Max or their parents—they're good people—even though it was hard to see them not engage with him. It's possible that the girls who naturally interacted with him had someone with disabilities in their extended family, so hanging with Max was NBD. Still, I could tell that their families had instilled in them to treat all people respectfully and equally. I've seen it happen enough over the years to know. While a lot of kids or teens in a room may gawk or stare at Max—and there are times when parents stare, too—there are always a couple who approach Max as a person, not a disability.
And once again, here I am, just a mom saying: Teach your children well. Tell them not to feel sorry for children and adults with disabilities. Help kids understand there are all sorts of ways that people move, communicate, behave, express themselves. Play up what everyone has in common. Teach them respect with your own actions. Encourage them to just say "Hi."
