Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Breaking: Special Needs Mom's Head Explodes


Although not long ago I claimed that June is the cruelest month of all, I have been fully reminded of just how intense September can be. And so, I'm re-sharing this post I ran a few years ago. I need the t-shirt: I survived back-to-school season. You?  

Unsubstantiated reports are widely circulating that the head of a special needs mom has exploded.

At the scene of the incident, in a local Michaels store, bystanders were shocked to see an astounding amount of information shooting out of the head including contact info for dozens of doctors, therapists, sitters and the special needs school district coordinator; her child's weekly schedule of therapies; data from seven years' worth of IEPs; insurance policy numbers, the claim P.O. box address and all the bills she'd submitted but hadn't gotten reimbursed for; the longest to-do list in the history of mankind; an equally long list of stuff she never did get around to; assorted medical jargon; details about developmental milestones she read in those "What To Expect" books years ago before she forced herself to stop reading those books; names of various adaptive programs; special needs financial planning tasks she was in denial about; a list of exercises the therapists recommended she try with her child; a list of apps the therapists recommended she download; a list of products the therapists recommended she buy; a pervasive vague feeling she'd forgotten to fill out an important form; volumes of guilt; various memorized recipes from Lipton soup boxes; plus the phone number of her best friend from third grade.

"She was standing there in the aisle mumbling something about finding a chunky kind of crayon recommended by the occupational therapist when her head exploded," said a bystander. "Nobody could believe it but then we figured it was maybe some kind of store promotion."

The body continued to function, reaching for a cell phone to dial in a prescription refill. It then wandered off toward the modeling clay aisle.

Authorities are still investigating the matter.

Image: istock/Obaba


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