Thursday, March 26, 2015

There is no Wikipedia page to explain God's plan


In the days since seven children from a Brooklyn, New York, family perished in a home fire caused by a faulty hot plate, like many people, I have not stopped thinking about them, their parents or the surviving daughter, Tzipora. The faces of those beautiful children are in my head and in my heart. I say prayers, asking God to give the Sassoons strength—even as I ruminate over God's intent.

Tragedies are always hard to comprehend, but this one is as unfathomable as it is horrific. Seven children, ages 5 to 16, gone. The father, Gabriel Sassoon, has shown unbelievable endurance, flying to Israel for the burial of his children and speaking at their funeral. He later told an Israeli TV station that he didn't know for what the death of his children were a "kapara" (an atonement) for, but that one day he would find out and rejoice. As he noted at the funeral, "We cannot understand the master plan."

I know that. And yet, I can't stop thinking about why this could have happened. It's human nature to want to make sense of the most seemingly senseless incident. As a creature of modern day life, you somehow think there is an answer out there, given all the knowledge at our fingertips. You want the Google search results, the Wikipedia page, the PowerPoint presentation to explain it.

As I cast around online, I found an excerpt from When Bad Things Happen To Good People, the bestseller by conservative rabbi Harold Kushner. His son, Aaron, died at 14 from progeria. In the book, Kushner writes of a God limited in his ability to control the random hazards of life. As he notes about misfortunes,

Some are caused by bad luck, some are caused by bad people and some are simply an inevitable consequence of our being human and being mortal, living in a world of inflexible natural laws…. We can turn to Him for help in overcoming [tragedy], precisely because we can tell ourselves that God is as outraged by it as we are…. 

This didn't speak to me. While I am not Orthodox, I believe in an omnipotent God. I kept searching for meaning. The mom, Gayle Sassoon, went to my high school and was in my sister's class, and I've become part of a private Facebook group that shares information.

I found out that in my old high school, students have created a memorial, posting pledges they have taken to improve the world and their behaviors, including doing more mitzvot (good deeds). People around the world are also doing mitzvot in honor of the Sassoon children. There will be more good in our universe. Is that why this happened?

No. Seven children could not have died for that. 

At the eulogy, Gabriel Sassoon told the gathered crowds, "Please, everybody, love your child, love your children, love others' children. That's all that counts." Like many parents, I'm sure, I have given my children extra hugs and kisses since the fire, tip-toeing into their rooms at night to gaze at them and feel grateful that they are there and safe and still mine. At the site Matzav, a woman commented that—keeping in mind the father's urging to love our children—she was taking it upon herself "to keep my smartphone in my pocket when playing and spending time with the kids, giving them the undivided attention they need and deserve." People will lavish even more love and focus on their children in the wake of this tragedy. Is that why it happened?

No. Seven children could not have died for that.

At a press conference Monday night, Borough President Eric Adams spoke about the need for re-educating New Yorkers on fire safety. On Tuesday, there was a community fire safety training and free smoke detector giveaway in Brooklyn. Other lives will now be spared. Is that why this happened?

No. Seven children could not have died for that. 

The family has requested that donations go to the Sassoon Children Memorial Fund, and will be used for educational scholarships for those in need. Students will have opportunities that they didn't before. Is that why this happened?

No. Seven children could not have died for that.

Individually or in sum, the above did not add up to any sense. There were no answers, of course. The most meaningful message I found lay in this piece on Chabad.org, written by a rabbi:

You are bothered by the fact that people suffer undeservedly. As you should be. Any person with an ounce of moral sensitivity is outraged by the injustices of our world…. But what if we found the answer? What if someone came along and gave us a satisfying explanation? What if the mystery were finally solved? What if we asked why, and actually got an answer? If this ultimate question were answered, then we would be able to make peace with the suffering of innocents. And that is unthinkable. Worse than innocent people suffering is others watching their suffering unmoved. And that's exactly what would happen if we were to understand why innocents suffer. We would no longer be bothered by their cry, we would no longer feel their pain, because we would understand why it is happening.

Gabriel Sassoon has asked for people to pray for his wife and his daughter. This, we are doing. A sister-in-law of Gayle's put up a post on Facebook noting that Gayle regularly had her children say berachot (blessings) out loud. Many times, she would add the name of someone deceased and ask G-d to elevate their soul. She wrote, "Let's have the names of these precious souls in our minds when we say our berachot, and let's try to say berachot out loud." That, too, we can do.

Eliane.

David.

Rivka.

Yeshua.

Moshe.

Sara.

Yaakob.

15 comments:

  1. Ellen, I think you're absolutely correct. Thank you so much for your wisdom here, and for sharing with us.

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  2. In the world, we will have tribulation, some of which we don't understand.

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  3. Thank you for sharing. I am a Christian. Some people might even call me, if they really knew me, a Jesus Freak. No matter -- I often find myself asking "Why?" Cheesy answers about God's plan always bothered me. The fact that we live in a fallen world still doesn't lesson the pain. This explanation...this goes straight down to my heart and soul. Thank you.

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  4. Rabbi Kushner's "God cannot be both all good and all powerful, I choose to believe God is all good" definitely spoke to me. There is no reason that a creator must be all powerful. Of course I also believe that no all good creator could possibly punish anyone for not believing in him or her. That is the stuff of a small mind and a fragile ego. So my views aren't exactly in step with others.

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  5. I am not Jewish but Christian. My uderstanding of this post may be altered by my religon as I believe everything happens for a reason. But none of the reasons you refuted are the answer. The answer is not present now. This is a true tradgedy.

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  6. You are exactly right...at this point, i don't think any explanation could ever merit the weight of the loss. It's unfathomable.

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  7. Ellen, I am heartsick over this tragedy, but there is no mystery. Ultimately, seven beautiful children died due to their parents' ignorance and fanaticism. This is not the first time that lives have been lost due to this same practice nor, unfortunately, will it likely be the last. The safety of our children should always take precedence over religious beliefs. The simple solution is to not leave on appliances not meant for such duration, install adequate smoke alarms and take responsibility for your life and that of your children. It hurts to place blame on the parents when they have suffered so great a loss, but only when we can speak the truth can we hope to never hear of such tragedies ever again.

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    1. I can't begin to express how prejudiced, ignorant and utterly abhorrent it is of you to refer to Orthodox Jews as "fanatics" or to make any assumptions based on their religion. And that's exactly what this is: an assumption. There is no religious reason that prohibits the use of smoke alarms. Period. Usually, I'd erase prejudice comments like this but I will leave it here in case anyone else seeing this is as misguided as you are.

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  8. I couldn't agree more with the last comment. This is one of those tragedies that could have very simply been avoided using common sense.

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    1. " using Common sense " as you say with a harsh tone of judgement has nothing to do with this random and devasting tragedy ! One of the biggest take aways from this blog is LESS JUDGEMENT, MORE COMPASSION & UNDERSTANDING...

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    2. These parents suffered an incommensurable loss, and merit compassion, but this does not justify using unsafe electric appliances for whatever good purpose. Nothing to do with religion, it's really about common sense.

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    3. How could they know they know the hot plate would short out, how could they know the way the wind would take the flames and how quickly their home would burn... Any more than I could of known that the person behind me was having brake problems before they rear ended me.. we will probably never agree on this but your common sense argument is offensive.. random events ( both good and bad) happen all the time in all of our lives and very very unfortunately in this case the outcome was close to the worst possible. A reminder to not judge does not justify this tradegy but compassion goes along way.

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  9. So many things happen in the world that we just cannot make any sense of. The Germanwings plane crash, children starving to death, losing loved ones before their "time", that horrible fire - I am Christian and stepped away from my religion for awhile for this exact reason. My only explanation is that there is evil - is it the devil? I don't know and I don't know what reason God could give for letting these things happen.

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  10. I loved this post and the quote to the article. Some very bad things have happened that caused me to also ask why, and this perspective sums up perfectly what I had to conclude - my misfortunes gave my support system folks an opportunity to serve God and to serve humanity by looking after me as I got back up.

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Thanks for sharing!