Thursday, August 28, 2014

What's that perfume I'm wearing? Eau de Pee


Tap tap. Tap tap. That is how I get woken up these days, a bunch of taps on my shoulder or boobs or whatever body part Max happens to hit. He has to use the bathroom.

This is major. It used to be that sometimes Max wet his bed in the morning, but for the last few months he has stayed dry overnight and when he wakes up, he's gotta go.

He is heading toward being fully potty trained, except for two things. One, he cannot pull his bottoms or undies up and down on his own. And two, when he pees it goes everywhere. Although the same could be said of some fully grown men I know and I am not naming names, nope, not me.

We've been trying to figure out what might help with pants independence. Buttons and zippers are way beyond Max's fine-motor skills at this point. A while ago, I met a woman at a fair who was sewing magnets into pants closures, and one of these days I'll find someone nearby who could help me figure that out. Meanwhile, I'm going to be buying sweatpants one size too big and sew in some loops.

The free-for-all peeing is a whole other story. Like I was saying, fine motor skills are a challenge, so holding does not come into play, hence the spray. That old trick of teaching boys to aim at Cheerios floating around the toilet isn't yet something Max is capable of.  Our bathrooms are on the cozy side, so pee on the floor is just one problem.

Pee has gotten on the walls.
Pee has gotten on the shower curtain.
Pee has gotten on the bathroom vanity.
Pee has gotten on the bathroom rug and floor.
Pee has gotten on the bathroom towels.
Pee has gotten on my work shoes.

Max is entirely too amused by his reach. You know, like a boy.

Once, pee got on the bottom my blouse, only somehow I didn't realize it till I was on the train headed to my office and I thought, Ewww, what's that smell? And I realized it was me. A quick stop at Ann Taylor Loft saved me. Really, parenthood is generally hazardous to your work wardrobe. When the kids were babies, at times I had the distinct scent of Eau de Spit Up. Once, I went to work with a piece of spaghetti on my chest.

I do realize that the free-form spritzing is a relatively good problem to have. I'm grateful for Max's potty progress. And he even puts the toilet seat down when he's done...unlike some fully grown men I know.

17 comments:

  1. Get ready for the new under armor magnetic zippers this fall - we are very excited!

    http://www.digitaltrends.com/sports/forget-the-wheel-under-armour-just-reinvented-the-zipper/

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    1. WOW. That could be a real game-changer. Good find, Julie!

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  2. My son wear elastic waist pants only. You don't have to stick to sweats, The Children's Place has twill/khaki cargos in a bunch of colors with elastic waists that go up to size 14 I think. I buy a bunch of those every summer because they look stylish and age appropriate while still having an elastic waist with no zippers or buttons. ALso, Does Max stand to pee? My son's school had him learn to pee sitting so that aim wouldn't be an issue. When he was little they/we taught him to lean forward so it would go down into the toilet. As he got older we had to teach him to hold his penis down to get the stream to go the right way. I don't think Sam will ever pee standing because he doesn't have the attention required to aim and stay in place long enough.

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    1. I will check them out. The challenge is that even when a waistline has just a little give, Max cannot manipulate it, which is why we were going to try oversize sweatpants. And yes, Max stands! He does lean forward, but it doesn't always help. We are trying to teach him to hold and aim but no luck so far.

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  3. My son's school uses the sitting-down approach as well. I wish there wasn't so much stigma among men about the sitting vs. standing stuff. Then again, I only have one way to do it, and it works out great (no mess), so I can't understand the idea that a man sitting makes him "less than" something. Proud of Max, we are working on it here too and it is a long process at this age.

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    1. I fear the standing thing is all our fault... Max had been sitting, but then we encouraged him to stand and now that's all he wants to do!!!

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  4. What about iron-on Velcro in place of zippers or buttons?

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    1. We've had iffy results with Velcro, but I am going to try again this fall, along with loops and maybe magnets.

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  5. I also wonder why not just sit? Agree that it shouldn't be as stigmatized as it is among the dudefolk.

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    1. Ah, dudeboy now only wants to stand and we encouraged this. Keeping the faith that we'll figure this one out, too.

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  6. Congrats to Max on his potty progress. Now, since others have the helpful replies covered...

    I once went to work, attended 3 meetings... and it wasn't until I looked down to scratch my ankle at about 11:30 that I noticed I had a baby poop skid mark on my pant leg from a diaper blowout that morning. How did it get there? It involved dropping... you don't wanna know.

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  7. maybe put a sticker of flames on the far wall of the bathtub and let fireman max spray away. Rinse afterward. Too gross? Hard to know as a SN mom... my gross meter isnt adjusted properly. At least the tub is bigger target and would hold more spray

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    1. Hmmm... That could work, but I don't think I want to teach him to pee there. And then, it's another independence thing--he'd need help climbing into the tub. Although it would keep the bathroom nice and tidy!

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  8. My line is, "POINT YOUR FIRE HOSE DOWN, SIR!" It's best used in public restrooms that are full, with a line nearly out the door. It also works well in Target's multi-stalled restroom. Oxyclean and the kind of cleaner marketed for people with naughty puppies seem to help a lot with the other part of the problem.

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    1. THIS IS GENIUS! Thank you! Putting this line to immediate use with Fireman Max!

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  9. I had no idea that boys weren't supposed to sit down (and I have a husband and two boys), so I wonder if it's an American thing? Any Europeans here to chime in?

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Thanks for sharing!