Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Why I carry dead beetles around in my purse


Some moms carry tissues in their purse. Others pack breath mints, mini bottles of Purell, lip balm. Me, I tote around dead beetles.

This is not because of, say, some sacred ritual involving beetles and evil spirits. It is because I had the best of intentions for getting rid of the ones on our lawn, and because I didn't end up having time to deal since a bazillion other things got in the way. It is pretty much the story of my mom life.

Of the two people in my marriage, I am the one far more likely to notice the little things going wrong around the house, like the peeling paint on the master bathroom ceiling, the funny smell in the fridge or the holes in the leaves of the hosts that border our front lawn. The latter has been driving me particularly batty. I grew up in an apartment, and take pride in having a nice-looking house and lawn. Thing is, I hadn't seen any critters munching on the leaves but I had spotted beetles crawling around, so I wondered if it might be them. 

I could have asked our nice exterminator to stop by, only he lives in another town and I got it into my head that I could just mail him beetles to check out. He was all, "Sure! Mail me some specimens." And so I stood on the porch one night, in my nightgown no less because I am that suburbanized, and scooped a few beetles into a baggie. I'm not skeeved by them—my tolerance for gross stuff has hit an all-time high (low?) since having kids. I put the baggie into my work tote. 

I kept meaning to mail it, only I kept forgetting. I'd be walking to work and think "Got to mail those beetles!" but then I'd get sucked into my day. Except for the times when I reached in to grab something from my bag and I accidentally pulled out the bag o' beetles. This happened when I went to pay for my coffee one morning. "Eeew, what is that?!" the cashier asked. "Dead beetles!" I said, as if that explained everything, then dashed out. 

Like most moms, the to-dos in my life are never-ending. I don't even bother to keep a list, because it would freak me out. Instead, I rely on memory (pretty good, occasionally spotty, especially when it comes to mailing dead bugs) and jot down key stuff to tackle each day. I never did write "mail beetles," which partly explains why it took so long. 

Generally, I'm a person who likes to get things done a.s.a.p. But parenthood has taught me that I can't humanly do it all, and that pondering the stuff I can't get to is a waste of mental energy. And so, I have become a woman who has no problem walking around with dead beetles in her purse.

Maybe a week after I'd collected the beetles, I finally mailed them off. The exterminator called a few days later. "I'm not sure what kind of beetles they are—you'd have to talk with a lawn guy," he said. "Sorry!"

Whatever creatures are munching on my hostas are having a good old time, because I haven't had time to further investigate. When I walk up to the house at the end of the work day, I focus on the glorious blue hydrangeas and try to ignore the ratty plants, and that's just the way it is.

23 comments:

  1. Slugs. Welcome to the aggravating club.

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  2. An exterminator should know his bugs. But to be fair, these aren't the sort that require an exterminator. Those are Japanese beetles. They are out in full force this summer!

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    1. We get them every year but yes, there seem to be more this summer!

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  3. Try spraying the leaves down with a mix of white vinegar and water. They may not smell great for a few days, but the mix usually keeps the pests at bay without harming the plants.

    - Jade

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    1. OK, thank you, I am fine if my front lawn smells like salad dressing if it makes the little buggers go away!

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  4. There are also small "beetle traps" you can get at Home Depot or some such store. (these guys used to try and get at our raspberry bushes) they have these bags you can hang (not pretty, but you can hide them *in* the bush) and they attract the littler buggers and get them stuck inside!

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    1. Ooooh, this sounds perfect, I'm trying this and white vinegar trick above. You guys can have second careers as exterminators!

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  5. Recently I found myself pulling dead leaves off of a morning glory vine I'm growing. I was too lazy in the heat and humidity to walk into the garage to put them in the lawn waste bag so I put them in my pocket! Yesterday I pulled a full load of laundry out of the dryer and tossed it all on my daughter's bed to fold. Crispy dark bits fell all over and I wondered..."what is that stuff"....crispy leaf pieces...your story above reminds me of me...in so many ways...

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  6. It would have been easier to just snap a photo and send it to him.

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    1. I mainly see the beetles at night, and it seemed easier to grab a few then try to stoop down in dim lighting and snap them.

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  7. That's a nice life lesson: Focus on the good and ignore the bad.

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    1. I'll say!!! Not always easy to do, but good to try.

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  8. Try Neem oil,it smells horrible and bugs HATE it!

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    1. OK, will look into it. See comment below, does it work on MIL's?

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  9. The only reason there aren't dead beetles in my purse is that I don't have anyone to mail them to. But I did have shells in there for about 6 weeks, until I decided to clean out my purse and make my husband mail the shells to his mother.

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  10. Yeah, something has been chewing on a ton of plants in my yard & I've got some kind of weird black fungus growing on my black-eyed susans (only the center of the flower should be blackish - not a large percentage of the leaves) - yet the plants still seem to thrive, the susans are blooming better than they have in recent years when the weather wasn't their flavor.
    I also have been meaning to email my son's ESY teacher since, well, ESY began. It ends in a week & a half. I'd kind of like to ask her why my son keeps saying, "Don't like new teacher," but I think that might be rude?

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    1. Hmmm.... Maybe call her up and ask how things are going, then vaguely say something about him not seeming so satisfied before leading into what he's actually saying, if at all, or she might get on the defensive. You might also want to check with the administration if you could do a drop-in to see how things are going.

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  11. Dead beetles? I tote live crickets for my prating mantises.

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    1. I see those maybe once a summer, they are beautiful creatures. Haven't spotted one yet.

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  12. You crack me up. I would do the exact same thing. However, if it is not written down on my list, I'm likely not to do it. EVER! I must make a list. And this forgetting thing is getting worse the older I get. I blame everything on menopause. And when I cross items off my handy, dandy list, it feels so empowering, like I'm truly getting things accomplished. Even if it is only: turn on the garbage disposal. I hope you find out what's eating your Hostas soon. :-)

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  13. I do stuff like that ALL the time. Thanks for a good chuckle. Sounds like slugs might be the problem (they are at our house). Sluggo works great in our garden and you can get it easily on Amazon.

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Thanks for sharing!