Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sex vs. sleep (a PG-rated post)

When I was in my mid-twenties, I read an essay in the New York Times Magazine called "Sex Is The New Sleep." The writer was a mom, and in it she cheerfully confessed that she was more excited by the prospect of getting shuteye than by the prospect of getting off. I thought it was an amusing, if slightly pathetic, article. Only some days now, I know exactly what she means. The National Sleep Foundation's 2008 Sleep in America poll basically blamed long workdays for sex apathy. I'm not convinced it's work—I think it's everything we parents juggle. Two kids in your bed sure doesn't help!

BTW, thanks for all the helpful comments. Sarah H, thrilled to have you here! Sarah B, you are right about how key exercise is, I only wish typing burned more calories! And Shannon, I am with you on the coffee, this post has been brought to you courtesy of a Frappuccino. Now, you guys game to share about this?


  1. sex? what's that? ;-)....come to think of it, what's sleep too?

    I seem to be experiencing a great lack of both ;-).

  2. Sex? I think I learned something about that at some point in my life...what exactly is it? And what does it entail???

    Tony and I have tried to make more of an effort, and I will admit, it works, it is great stress relief, and sometimes it is the only time we get to spend together...we are also much happier as a couple. Then again, he has been snipped, so we don't have to worry about any more eggies growing in my baby oven! HA!

    The co-sleeping thing...Oh Ellen, bring it to the kitchen! We actually have the boys in their own beds, going to sleep at 7. Victoria however, she is in the co-sleeper, next to the bed, and has been known to interrupt. I wish she could go in her own bedroom to start out the night and Tony and I could have some privacy, but we have no bedroom for her...not yet anyway.

    And as far as wanting sleep more that sex...hmmm...generally I say "Make it quick honey" the fun begins, and we are sleeping like babies within 20 minutes or so. And I can't stress enough how much happier I am saying yes to sleep and no to that extra 30 minutes of sleep I might be getting...besides, it is dark at 5:30 pm now...starting at 7:30 isn't a bad idea!

  3. Hmmmmmm. . . all I can say is that I LOVE my sleep. LOVE it. Probably more than anything else.

  4. Ha! I love it, I bet this insight would be a huge revelation for and explain a lot to most dads. Honey, if you ever read this comment, I'm not complaining :-)...Great post Ellen!

    Founder, MomFaves

  5. Umm, my first question is who is the other half of this equation? LOL..My ex, I prefer sleep.

  6. What was the question again? rofl - Sleep, well you need that in order to have sex right? I almost feel like sex should be scheduled like a soccer game! rofl - Unless you want to set the alarm for that 2-3am time when you know everyone is asleep and you have had a few hours of sleep. OK - TMI

  7. I don't know what you are talking about....


    My husband feels neglected but by the time we head to bed, I'm exhausted and feel "loved" out by the babes. I have to make an effort to include sex in our lives but it is worth it. I just have to remember that when taking off my clothes feels like such a chore. I never feel that way after though.

    And this comment has been brought to you by TMI.

  8. To The Max blog was just submitted as a mom favorite on MomFaves.com.

    Cast your vote for To The Max on MomFaves here

  9. Ugh! I am totally exhausted each & every day. I feel bad for DH, but sex is low on my priority list. I love my sleep!

  10. Thx for sharing, everyone. We all seem to like our sleep. :) I think the message here is, WE NEED A VACATION!!!!

  11. This is way out there compared to the other comments, and well, I may have a bit of an addiction, but I way prefer sex to sleep. Sleep is so mjuch better after sex anyway, but sometimes, sex can be such an energy boost. This is wat TMI, but usually we are 2 time a dayers. AM & PM. Our kids are in their own room & out by 8, to be fair, and we have been late to work, either in the morning, or returning from lunch. It's worth it though, we are both hapy & it hasn't changed in the near 2 years we've been together. It's like our drives match.


Thanks for sharing!