tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post7407970909176133635..comments2024-03-17T12:02:12.410-04:00Comments on Love That Max : Why I placed my disabled child in a group homeEllen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-51209459545083595622020-01-22T19:18:34.797-05:002020-01-22T19:18:34.797-05:00May I please ask the name and location of the home...May I please ask the name and location of the home. I am looking for one for my daughter as well. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-53406547864475324942019-01-31T13:01:52.877-05:002019-01-31T13:01:52.877-05:00Hi Kate, I really don't understand why you are...Hi Kate, I really don't understand why you are so judgmental. Do you have any disabled child to look after? If not then why you are here? There must be a reason you judge other people's decision and I guess it is your life. Something is terrible wrong with your own life. Just be honest to yourself. And please "Do not judge, or you too will be judged" Matthew 7:1-6Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-63402576916271056632019-01-25T16:22:58.097-05:002019-01-25T16:22:58.097-05:00Dear FuckoffKate,
I am also struggling with the to...Dear FuckoffKate,<br />I am also struggling with the tough decision of placing my 22year old son with DS in a group home..I feel like I’m placing him up for adoption even tho I know that is not the case! He may even be happy about it feeling like he is moving out on his own like any other “normal” 22 year old would be doing at that age! Parents of disabled kids all have difficult decisions to make throughout our kids lives.Sounds like we both had/have difficult decisions to make.. <br />Do I love my son with all my heart, YES!!!<br />Do I still feel guilty about placing him, YES!!<br />Am I looking towards his future when I’m no longer here, YES!!<br />Am I a conservative Trump supporter, YES!!!<br />So I guess you are wrong that because someone is conservative that we are all a bunch of judge mental assholes that need to F off!! <br />Who is the one being judgemental here??<br /><br />Upside of Downshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00621726150570028949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-66163616745054392172018-09-02T14:43:59.053-04:002018-09-02T14:43:59.053-04:00Just saw this. I know it's a while since your ...Just saw this. I know it's a while since your post but I just hope things got better for you. You're not alone, many people deal with these hardships and not many people understand how difficult it is to go through them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-34617654174006311512018-08-22T14:17:00.043-04:002018-08-22T14:17:00.043-04:00I feel everyone should do the right thing for thei...I feel everyone should do the right thing for their Child or Adult who is on the Spectrum. We as Parents do the Best we disregarding o ur Sons& Daughter's. Don't let people's Comments get you down. Prayers for all who read the Comments. 🙏💞🙏Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00909018218504572577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-29156730561730092062018-08-21T13:25:17.127-04:002018-08-21T13:25:17.127-04:00Hello, I feel this might be the same situation for...Hello, I feel this might be the same situation for our son. He has been recently diagnosed at mentally 4 years old he is now 9. He needs consistent reminders to do this or that. But he is potty trained. He needs his food by gtube. Because he doesn't seem to know when he is hungry. Although he does eat a variety of foods by mouth This is a big concern for us. As he fights us. As he gets older. What happens that one day when he hits us? Albit by accident. But when? This scares the hell out of us. He isn't violent by nature. But when he refuses bed time he throws things. We often wonder if this will be a routine for him when he is 15, 18, 22? Your story truly hit home with me. As we struggle with our son now at 9. Is this our sons future? We have always stated that he should live at home as long as we can humanly can. But we are older parents and getting older. Thank you for your story. I know in some aspects our son is an active kid and does everyday kid things! But for everyday stuff he struggles bigtime. Arlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14624358542203333011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-61573576107805140032018-04-08T19:42:32.127-04:002018-04-08T19:42:32.127-04:00I hired a lawyer and got mydaughter placed in resi...I hired a lawyer and got mydaughter placed in residential care at age 12 she has moderate to severe autism she is now 26 and is in a group close to home it was the best decision I ever made she is happy and content in her routine and has the stability I could never provideAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-90874525630035520782018-03-31T16:02:19.184-04:002018-03-31T16:02:19.184-04:00Thank you for sharing your story, and also for the...Thank you for sharing your story, and also for the supportive comments from all of the other parents who are facing or who have faced similar decisions! To the others of you who are critical without any personal experience, I won't say what I really think of you because you're not worth my time.<br /><br />With that being said, I am suddenly faced with making this very same decision within a matter of days for my 28 year old, severely disabled daughter. "A" was very premature, has cerebral palsy, and requires full physical care. She is verbal to a certain degree, and cognitively much higher functioning than she is able to express, though not age appropriate. She is genuinely a very social, friendly person with some behavior issues, though generally they are pretty well managed and controllable. She does have a long history of respiratory issues, and from January to June, has many respiratory infections that often require weeks at a time at home.<br /><br />Long story short, a room suddenly became available in a very good residential care home that seems to meet all of her physical and medical needs. As there is very strong demand, this is why me decision needs to be made very quickly. While I have figured that at some point I would need to place my daughter in a home due to my inability to care for her, being faced so suddenly with the decision is overwhelming. I have inquired with her caseworker in the past about looking at homes, in preparation for a day that would inevitably come, so when this became available she acted quickly to potentially secure if for my daughter.<br /><br />I am a single, working mom, and my daughter requires 24/7 care. While I am more fortunate than most to have an understanding employer (to a certain degree), providing care for her is becoming extremely difficult. I rely on my 80 year old mother to help me when my daughter is home sick (which is a lot), and then have scattered and unreliable care when she is not. My daughter "A" currently attends a wonderful day program, though they can not meet all of her medical needs.<br /><br />I can't tell you how many nights I lose sleep worrying about what would happen to my daughter if something were to happen to me, or how it would affect my oldest daughter if she felt responsible for her care. While I know that she would do her best to oversee care for her sister, she has not lived near her for sometime and is no where near aware of the daily care required for "A". I feel like it would almost be cruel for both of my daughters if I put the burden on my oldest to transition "A" into a home, and also on "A" if she didn't have my guidance to help her transition to a home while I am still able.<br /><br />The reality is that I am faced with having little to no home care for my daughter within the next few years, as my mother is aging and it is taking a tremendous toll on her as well. (The guilt I feel on that subject is a whole different subject.) My greatest fear is that if I do pass up on this opportunity because I am not yet ready mentally, that I won't ever have this opportunity again. I am told by her caseworker that this is basically the "Ritz Carlton" of homes for people like "A", and that the rarity of one becoming available anytime soon is very high.<br /><br />I'm not quite sure what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything at all...just looking for some feedback or advice from others who are in or have been in similar situations. For those of you who haven't been in my/our shoes, please spare me your criticism because it means absolutely nothing to me.<br /><br />Please understand that "A" has been my life for 28 years, and I love her with all of my heart. The tremendous guilt I feel for possibly putting her in a home is enormous, but I also realize that NOT putting her there now could mean a much worse future for her down the road. :( Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-51078026676654813272017-11-25T03:24:08.895-05:002017-11-25T03:24:08.895-05:00Thats sad your sister isn't very suppportive. ...Thats sad your sister isn't very suppportive. And you're totally right on how people like to make remarks on how they would be able to deal with our kids better than us or what we are doing or not doing, how its my own fault he behaves badly for not spanking him. When he isn't vocal and he doesnt understand language very well. Yet for example (in my situation) my mom never picks him up or does anything with him. And I'm in the same situation not knowing how much longer my family (siblings 1 & 11 year old, husband) and I will be able to live this way with my son of autism 10yr old. Anyway I feel your pain and what you're going through. Dania Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09336965148578525911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-22630698551370650922017-11-25T03:06:39.907-05:002017-11-25T03:06:39.907-05:00I couldn't have said it better. Like someone e...I couldn't have said it better. Like someone else commented its borderline abuse for the siblings. My 1 year old got bitten by my 10 year old autistic son recently and left a purple bite bruise on his arm. Constantly shoving him and slamming the door on his face (literally) because he didn't want him in his room. He's a danger to himself when he escapes from the house through a door someone forgot to lock or while im out doing laundry or through an open window etc. He ends up in the middle of the street not caring for honking cars. Im not sure sometimes if the cops will find him in time before something terrible happens to him. Sometimes I imagine the worse. He has set himself on fire also. Has done the feces thing, pees in his room on cups. Writes on the walls, destroys our home, I am worried about my mental health too. I'm emotionally numb at times. I dont react anymore and when I do I'm overly emotional. He continues to live with me but I will not deny I fantasize about a normal life, doing normal family things being able to work and feel productive. Dania Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09336965148578525911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68656114072507321732017-11-24T12:29:44.810-05:002017-11-24T12:29:44.810-05:00I will also like to speak with someone about this ...I will also like to speak with someone about this I have a 15 year old artistic son and this is stressful to maintain. One due to teenage hormones and just alone with his condition. I am a single parent with 2 children my daughter is 3 and will be 4 in a few weeks. It’s hard to keep a job due to this and even thought my daughter helps with him and we love him it shouldn’t make our lives difficult when their is help out there. His side of the family do not help at all. And I barely have help on my side. I know that it’s my responsibility to take care of both of my children but it’s hard to do like this. I feel like he need help in ways I can’t help him. And I don’t know how to. I have done the best I know how but it is very stressful to deal with again, so please I would like some info on places to get help from to better his life and ours. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-65653056403177258402017-11-15T15:55:14.031-05:002017-11-15T15:55:14.031-05:00My son is almost 12. Life is hell. I think about k...My son is almost 12. Life is hell. I think about killing us both. My husband will never let me put him in a home. I’m doomed to cleaning shit of everything and patching holes in the walls the rest of my life. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-70976867570251414162017-10-07T01:25:38.055-04:002017-10-07T01:25:38.055-04:00Kate you must be a kkkonservative Trump supporter....Kate you must be a kkkonservative Trump supporter. I had no choice but to also place my 13 year old autistic son recently and we are all better off so take your judgemental conservative ass and fuck off. I hate people like you more than I can even express! FuckoffKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00210283552507983536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-22834473563343934452017-09-29T23:32:51.014-04:002017-09-29T23:32:51.014-04:00Wow we have 3 disabled children. As we are getting...Wow we have 3 disabled children. As we are getting older & they are too it's becoming harder. We have wondered if we will have to place our most severely handicapped child in a home even though we don't want to. Unless you've lived it - you can't say anything. Makes me wonder if you've ever had to take care of a person 24/7 for years with no change? I doubt it! Yvonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00164750575500739877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-9955875383804833112017-09-29T23:27:14.674-04:002017-09-29T23:27:14.674-04:00You have NO idea unless you live this life it'...You have NO idea unless you live this life it's very very hard. Yvonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00164750575500739877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-17037393123822773692017-09-24T19:42:07.860-04:002017-09-24T19:42:07.860-04:00My son is 27 and very autistic and verbal.He is a ...My son is 27 and very autistic and verbal.He is a wonderful smart loving man yet when he is angry can hit and destroy things.Looking at group homes has been a nightmare t many people in the houses or people just sitting in front on the TV .Seeing these things scares me more and more yet there seems to be no other option.durrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05461977735391736192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-40810385103518006992017-09-21T19:09:40.970-04:002017-09-21T19:09:40.970-04:00I am a recently divorced mother of a severely auti...I am a recently divorced mother of a severely autistic adult son. My husband and son's father deserted us a few years ago because he just could not take the stress of dealing with a disabled son. I have been abandoned as well by my family because they do not want to have anything to do with my son. Some of my friends have been verbally supportive, but also stay away from having contact with us. We have some help with aids and a day program when it is open and when the aids show, but it is always inconsistent. I am almost 60 years old and physically and emotionally exhausted. My son needs 24/7 care and supervision since he cannot do anything for himself. He also has behavior issues. <br /><br />I love my son more than life and it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but I found what I hope is a good group home and will be placing my son there very soon. I realized that I can no longer take care of him and fear every day for him if something happened to me. The decision to place him was to protect him from being emergency placed and thrown into a home without his mother to help him adjust and let him know it will be okay. By placing him now I can be strong for him and help him adjust to his new "brothers" and new home. I cry constantly because the thought of "giving up" my baby is unbearable. However, my son is an adult and needs to adjust to being one and living a new life without relying on "mommy" for everything. Our disabled children are stronger than we know. I try to take comfort in the thought that my son will be better off in a home with "brothers" and people there 24/7 to care for him, rather than with a physically and emotionally burnt out mother who will not live forever. I will visit him constantly and call him everyday (he is not conversational but he can hear my voice and know I am there for him and love him. <br /><br />To anyone that has not walked in our shoes, shame on you for judging us. You have no idea the enormous and excruciating pain that occurs when you find that for your child's best interest and protection you must place them. I would move heaven and earth to spend the rest of my life with my son. My wish is to one day die peacefully in his arms. However for parents of disabled children these are dreams that will not come true. I have taken care of my son for 25 years around the clock. It cost me my marriage, my family my career, my health and some of my friends. How dare anyone say I am a bad parent because I am now placing my son. My actions have proved that I am the best parent because I put my son first and by placing him I am still protecting him even though I feel like my heart is breaking. To any parent out there that feels guilt because you have or will have to do the same one day I say you are only continuing to do what is best for your child. To any people out there who judge us I say just mind your own business because you do not know us, our children, what our lives are like and just how much love we have for our children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-31786041335111197492017-08-29T17:35:35.199-04:002017-08-29T17:35:35.199-04:00I've had a ton of health issues and taking car...I've had a ton of health issues and taking care of a significantly disabled child alone for years. Nursing is inconsistent so i can spend days with no sleep tearing my body up. I've had multiple hernias from lifting 80 lbs of a post seizing child to move to another room. I have arthritis. I cannot go to school. I cannot work outside the house. I have no retirement and no health. For those of you criticising these parents get off your @sses and go take care of one of these kids for a 24 hour shift 5 days straight. Maybe you won't be insensitive a judgemental. You wouldn't make it 5 days, not even 2 days with mine. Go troll in the perfect parents section of the web. We are being realistic here. You think my kid loves having a fatigued anxious constantly depressed mother? <br /><br />I'm just not looking forward to the trolls I'll meet when mine is loving happily in a home where the are many hands and actual social time. They are kids, they want lives and their own friends too. People who judge are not visiting her or helping me. But the they are. Judging.<br /><br />Thank you parents for letting me know I'm not alone. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-83897017879969763822017-08-20T15:38:13.146-04:002017-08-20T15:38:13.146-04:00I just found out my son has DMD. I'm a single ...I just found out my son has DMD. I'm a single mother and he is my only child but already its becoming hard to take care of his needs such as appts and limiting his exercise. He cant exert himself or else he risks getting more muscle damage!I dont know what to do. I know I can be there for him but its so hard at times when I feel so alone! I can't count on my ex partner or family.They all have their very busy lives. I'll pray to God to keep me strong, but at times when not a single person is there to say it's going to be ok I feel like giving up. Like maybe I should move on with my life and start a new life! But on the other hand its not my sons fault and he doesnt deserve thisAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03804636193975519698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-73817703850775812002017-08-19T05:01:56.539-04:002017-08-19T05:01:56.539-04:00How about keeping your kids and excepting them for...How about keeping your kids and excepting them for who they are. I have a disabled child and I will never run away from her. It's a challenge everyday but it's my baby. People just want their own lives easier. But put your self in their shoes. What if one day your in a car accident and your worse off then them and your family drops you off at a clinic and waves good by. People these are your children except them for who they are. These kids need their parents. Autistic Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11496760780245641700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-52693259841540195192017-06-11T13:55:37.355-04:002017-06-11T13:55:37.355-04:00Their is a Residential Care Home for children in W...Their is a Residential Care Home for children in Waco texas that provides 24 hour supervised care.And the staff are all specialize care giver.The home only takes 4 children in the care home.The home is non-medical.And it also offers parents an open door visitation open.The owners name is Chloe.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06935962166172626882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-6737034259790315392017-06-11T13:32:05.596-04:002017-06-11T13:32:05.596-04:00Their is a Residential Care Home in Waco Tx for ch...Their is a Residential Care Home in Waco Tx for children with special needs that only takes in 3 children and they work hand in hand with parents.The homes has 24 hour care and has a 24 hour visitation option for parents to come any time.The also offer respite.Call them 469-999-4126 the owners name is ChloeAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06935962166172626882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-66890016915077662982017-03-20T22:08:43.765-04:002017-03-20T22:08:43.765-04:00Kate, you're a terrible person. There, I said ...Kate, you're a terrible person. There, I said it.<br /><br />Because my attack on you just now is far better founded than your attack on the author. If you disagree, do so with empathy, compassion, or at least logic. Instead, you showed a complete unwillingness to acknowledge the suffering of others, or that there could be compelling reasons for institutional care for an individual that exceeds the capacity of their family.<br /><br />I used to tutor severely autistic children, but I don't pretend to know what it is to go through this yourself. However, my experience is that it can be so consuming for even the best of parents, it's borderline abuse to the autistic child's siblings. Sometimes there isn't a perfect answer, but there can be very good outcomes, and I'm grateful to the author for the courage to tell her story.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-27062635503680999252017-02-04T18:24:00.468-05:002017-02-04T18:24:00.468-05:00To be this judgemental and critical of someone you...To be this judgemental and critical of someone you don't know is disgusting. Raising a child with severe disabilities is very difficult. And it's important for parents to do what is best for that child, their other children, and themselves. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13980433285457406471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-51085180765393356972017-01-26T03:50:46.945-05:002017-01-26T03:50:46.945-05:00Tears fall from my eyes as I read your harsh state...Tears fall from my eyes as I read your harsh statement . I am a mother of a severely disabled soon to be twenty one year old daughter . You will never understand the depth of love one has for a child who remains a child for life and the heart ache when the day comes when you know you will have to entrust another with their care becouse you know you will not be able to physically care for them . Let me set this straight most parents who place their children young adults continue to see them daily have emtional guilt and yet know that what ghey do is give them more than limit them . My daughter is my world I live her with all my strength tonight I have changed her diaper six times becouse she is on medication to unconsipate her . She is afraid of the cramps so she tries not to go . She slso has a bladder infection becouse of a change in meds that help her anxiety which is sever becouse of her Autism , the med trigger a side effect do for over two weeks she has been tormented by out of control OCD not sleeping for three days in a row and than out of exhaustion finally falling asleep . She was so nervous she could not relax to urinate so her bladder would clamp off than she would have a large volume accident beyond what her diaper could contain . I have been beside her day and night .I am developing panic attacks becouse I feel so helpless . Her doctors are working to get her health back on track., it has been a hell that she my daughter has gone through before and I by her side . To tell a parent the ghey are less becouse they decided to included others to help in the journey of caring for their s ed very disabled child is pure ignorance and heartless . I told my daughter that like her brother whom left home to have his own life that is what I want for her that I hope she has this I will see her everyday and will be happy that she has a life outside of our home and just as her brother visits she will also .My son is not disabled he is 22 has a successful business he started ghat now employed nine individuals . I am proud of him he has not had a easy life he missed out on any normal no picnics at the beach and the lists is long he cries sometimes that life well isn't fair he remembers growing up fast becouse I only had two hands and ghey were busy carrying for his his sister . Hold your judgement you have never had a sister who decided to walk out of ghe bathroom naked in front of your prom date or finger painted in her feces on the patio becouse she ate something that didn't set well . God help you for your harsh shortsighted comment . I plan on placing my daughter way before I have aged so that she can adjust while I AM Alive TO Help HER Feel Safe . I think nothing could be worse than dieing leaving yourchild to adjust to a new life without your support and love reassuring them that it will be good they will have success . Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com