tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post7327300562943395799..comments2024-03-28T03:35:52.176-04:00Comments on Love That Max : On making bad jokes about special needsEllen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-60678698097997901142016-09-23T09:09:23.937-04:002016-09-23T09:09:23.937-04:00I got to this blog because I was looking for jokes...I got to this blog because I was looking for jokes on the subject after 32 years of raising such a child I think it's a great idea to have a joke pageAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-1339195075348042282010-10-22T23:43:54.921-04:002010-10-22T23:43:54.921-04:00I think we have to joke about it. If we lose our s...I think we have to joke about it. If we lose our sense of humor, our sanity will be the next thing to go. I've made the same comment when my friends complain about their kid swearing in church. I like to think it helps put people at ease to know we can find the humor in our lives and we aren't sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves.Brandiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01704697731192764110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-4574254033183697442010-10-21T23:15:22.953-04:002010-10-21T23:15:22.953-04:00I think he's your child, you can speak about h...I think he's your child, you can speak about him as you wish. (You didn't say anything awful....) I also think that humor is wonderful thing and can definitely help lighten difficult situations. So no, it wouldn't offend me. :-) <br /><br />Just found your blog a few days ago, read all about Max and I have to tell you that he is so perfect and so-so cute and such a blessing (I'm sure you already know these things!!) I'm so amazed at how far he has come...I know it's not what you expected but he really is precious. Enjoy every single bit of him!!Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05971317642726987703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-3844092290786444542010-10-21T22:35:14.962-04:002010-10-21T22:35:14.962-04:00One of my favorite blogs is Big Daddy Autism, whic...One of my favorite blogs is Big Daddy Autism, which is, in his words, "Tales from the lighter side of raising a kid with autism. Now with 87% more humor!" He's funny but the love for his kid also comes shining through. <br /><br />http://bigdaddyautism.com/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-61794422503710145812010-10-21T20:31:50.320-04:002010-10-21T20:31:50.320-04:00Dear Ellen :)
I relate to you completely! I ...Dear Ellen :)<br /><br /> I relate to you completely! I pray, by now, you have ceased *any and all* self-flagellation, and I'm sorry you suffered even 1 minute over the incident - although I'm absolutely positive I would beat myself for an elephantine slice of time...<br /><br /> Recently, my husband and I attended an IEP meeting for our 6-yr-old (no Wednesday Night "great parties" for us in recent memory, although we do celebrate here at Home, as often as possible.) :)<br />As the speech therapist and the classroom teacher were heatedly impressing upon us the urgent need for our babe to talk, and the burning necessity for increased communication, so that we would know when he needs the bathroom (now why didn't *we* think of all this?!), my husband blurted out, "At this point, I wouldn't care if he said, "I need to take a shit!"<br />He continued, "I don't even mind if he keeps saying those words, as long as he tells us."<br /><br /> Stifled giggles filled the air, and an errant chortle excaped<br />from the end of the corner where the pristine, angelic-looking speech teacher sat. Red colored every face, as my husband is British, to boot, and the all-female team adores his accent (we're in my upstate NY)...<br /><br /> We need to laugh; nobody understands except other parents; please don't ever be mean to yourself over such an occurrence.<br />Our children know how much we love them. Max is extremely fortunate to have you as his mother. You are love. :) <3CherylFaithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15121036390239719399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-41916505472980099112010-10-21T19:38:16.324-04:002010-10-21T19:38:16.324-04:00We TOTALY get where you are coming from. I think ...We TOTALY get where you are coming from. I think sometimes we scare people joking around. However, when have been where we have, everything else is gravy....<br /><br />After our son's first heart surgery, he had a six month hospital stay. He couldn't stay off the vent and nobody could figure out why. Finally, they figured out he was refluxing and basically drowning everytime we fed him. They had to do surgery to fix it, but since he had a stroke & seizures they had to get the OK from a neuro. <br /><br />This guy came into our room and while Christopher was trying to extubate himself with his toes, proceeded to tell us to "Let him go & start over. He will be a vegetable and a burden" Yeah, he was "escorted" out. Ahem...<br /><br />Anyway, a few weeks later we were discharged. Our first follow-up happened to be in Halloween day, so we took Christopher to the hospital in a costume (not his offiial one). We dressed him like a turnip - both because of the above comment and because he has NO IV access. :) Our nurses "got it" - Dr. Personality did not. LOL!<br /><br />I think there are some things that people either get or not.....if they don't, oh well. Those are porbably the same people who probably have no clue what it is like to raise a child with special needs.<br /><br />Joke away! :)<br /><br />Steph and CHristopherStephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08323989778846355329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-58582032645172792852010-10-21T18:20:45.131-04:002010-10-21T18:20:45.131-04:00@Rachel - I think the last part of your comment is...@Rachel - I think the last part of your comment is very well put.<br /><br />We make jokes all the time about everything. Somehow I'm at the butt of most of them (I have some ADD issues). Laughter is what really helps to hold our family together. Xander's flapping and spinning, Spencer's obnoxiousism, Andy's cynicism, my lack of focus...we're 4 clowns living in a 3 ring circus.Happy13https://www.blogger.com/profile/17827877151803067579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-61394286425302966032010-10-21T17:48:56.157-04:002010-10-21T17:48:56.157-04:00We joke about the special needs within our own fam...We joke about the special needs within our own family and I can't imagine doing it any other way. You have to look on the bright side or all you'll do is cry. I have noticed that often other people don't seem to know what to do/say when I make jokes about Sunshine's special needs. Maybe they're afraid to laugh because it might sound like they were making fun? <br /><br />I think it's similar to other social situations where you're either "insiders" or "outsiders" (such as relations between different races). There are jokes you can make as an insider but if you're an outsider you worry that you can't make them. <br /><br />With special needs, I think that by making the joke we are inviting the person in - but they may not always realize it.Reading Widely https://www.blogger.com/profile/04623490605434252471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-55565206245837275752010-10-21T16:53:41.038-04:002010-10-21T16:53:41.038-04:00An astute other person would take her cue from you...An astute other person would take her cue from you and chuckle with you. In the business so to speak, I would do exactly that with your joke. <br /><br />If it is not your responsibility or need to make the other person feel okay, say whatever you want. At least you got a post out of the story - and a great party! <br /><br />BTW I have had Logitech wireless mice (mouse - plural) for years that have worked flawlessly.Barbarahttp://www.therextras.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-70960561237544660742010-10-21T15:54:16.574-04:002010-10-21T15:54:16.574-04:00If I don't crack jokes about my son's spec...If I don't crack jokes about my son's special neeeds then I cry. I would rather laugh then spend my days in tears. It's just more enjoyable.<br />I have had a few people comment that I'm horrible for making jokes about my son's issues but most of the time when I explain that if I don't laugh then I cry they understand. Besides my son just doesn't get teasing and the more we tease the easier it is for him to accept. He is almost 15 and actually made a joke a few days ago. That made me cry!<br />There seem to be a few holier than though people that feel I shouldn't tease or joke no matter what and I'm a horrible parent for doing so.<br />But those people just don't understand or get it like they claim. If they did I don't think they would be so judgemental!Shannonhttp://poohfreak73.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-69736979867481692132010-10-21T15:06:39.042-04:002010-10-21T15:06:39.042-04:00Sweetie - I don't know if it is right, but I d...Sweetie - I don't know if it is right, but I do it all the time. Usually because I think people feel awkward just talking about her and so I try to lighten things up for them so they don't feel so badly. My dd has CP, is non-verbal and in a wheelchair with Autism thrown in there because... well, I guess that just wasn't enough. She, like Max, is also an absolute joy and often a total pill ;-) I am also a single mom. When people get all sympathetic with me and say "Oh my, it must be so hard." I often come back with "Not really - she doesn't talk back and I don't have to chase her around" ;-) I've never had anyone chastise me for it and I think for the most part they are thankful that the ice was broken on the subject. I find they are much more open to asking questions after that to find out more about her.<br />I would never, ever do something like call her a demeaning name however, and have learned to not even talk about her disabilities in front of her - I would never underestimate what she comprehends.<br />Hope that helps!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13169805542797414245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-88037406536711261432010-10-21T14:38:06.422-04:002010-10-21T14:38:06.422-04:00I've been in the same position thousands of ti...I've been in the same position thousands of times - whether I'm joking about our two special needs children or just being myself - and I always choose to laugh, as that gets me through another day. I can understand why the recipient had an awkward pause because I've given them to plenty of people, but at the same time isn't humor one of the simplest ways we can open doors and create awareness of our differences, of our kids' differences? You see it all the time with professional comedians, and I appreciate how silly we all are, if we choose to let ourselves be. Great post!Timothy https://www.blogger.com/profile/02904550554652482257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-50769027825531124752010-10-21T14:23:14.361-04:002010-10-21T14:23:14.361-04:00Humor gets us through life. Especially about dark ...Humor gets us through life. Especially about dark subjects and places. <br /><br />If I'm not supposed to joke about the tough stuff in my life, I am in huge trouble. <br /><br />Loved having you last night. So glad you had fun. And Hendrick's. Yum.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68670938270459292152010-10-21T14:05:12.203-04:002010-10-21T14:05:12.203-04:00I think that you have to be able to joke when it f...I think that you have to be able to joke when it feels right to you, otherwise you will go crazy. Yes, sometimes it will make the other person uncomfortable and other times it might open them up to talk to you a little more. I do this a lot when I compare notes with other moms because my son isn't mobile. If its your situation you have every right to joke about it!Tracynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-28815863232496736012010-10-21T14:05:09.423-04:002010-10-21T14:05:09.423-04:00One of my most common phrases lately is "If y...One of my most common phrases lately is "If you can't laugh about it you'll just cry, so you might as well laugh!" I constantly talk about how I feel lucky I don't have to chase Jack around since he doesn't crawl or walk still (at 2) But, I also have a pretty dark sense of humor so that kind of joking doesn't turn me off. I say, laugh whenever you can, and if folks around you don't get it...it's ok. They're still learning! :-)Jana Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11492118205706353318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-13441969337517376232010-10-21T13:40:51.614-04:002010-10-21T13:40:51.614-04:00We'd joke around with anyone else, so why woul...We'd joke around with anyone else, so why would our child be an exception? (You remember what my husband lovingly calls our son, right? He is already coming up with obnoxious nicknames for our child due in April. "Normal" or not, s/he will not be spared!) <br /><br />I think the key, which others have mentioned, is that we're not laughing AT them. :) Joke on.Cristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05624255220638749596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-77932199073855162162010-10-21T13:21:33.851-04:002010-10-21T13:21:33.851-04:00My #1 favorite comedian, Josh Blue has CP. He comp...My #1 favorite comedian, Josh Blue has CP. He completely eliminates the awkwardness in his dealings with non-SN people, by constantly making light of his impairment. (my favorite is his description of having to pee in a cup for a drug test) I think we HAVE to make light of things. It doesn't downgrade the seriousness, it makes it easier to deal with.<br />I think the other chick just didn't know what the appropriate response would be. She's afraid that anything she could say next might sound lame or insensitive or whatever. The best course of action is to then laugh heartily at the akward silence. Because that's funny too!JustMom420zakshttp://jumpedoffabridge.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-78112570293376595872010-10-21T13:04:52.977-04:002010-10-21T13:04:52.977-04:00If it weren't for humor I don't know how I...If it weren't for humor I don't know how I would get through most days. Life is too short not to laugh at every opportunity. And hey, if you're going to laugh about it someday, might as well laugh about it now, right??? :-)<br /><br />And I think it's good to show the world that we "Special Powers" moms can have a sense of humor. We're not all staying home feeling sorry for ourselves or anything.Mayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13640322135525371672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-14899649683807230682010-10-21T13:03:12.935-04:002010-10-21T13:03:12.935-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Mayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13640322135525371672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-52581650458096846942010-10-21T12:29:26.169-04:002010-10-21T12:29:26.169-04:00Another great subject to post on!
As an adult man...Another great subject to post on!<br /><br />As an adult man with cerebral palsy, I often use humor about my disability when addressing crowds. It puts people at ease and makes me more approachable to people who might not ever ask a direct question to someone regarding their disability. <br /><br />That being said, if I am going to use humor on myself, I better be ready to receive the humor back from people who might laugh about the way I run, walk or stand. It goes both ways. <br /><br />Just my opinion. <br /><br />John W. Quinn<br />Author, Someone Like Me; An Unlikely Story of Challenge and Triumph Over Cerbral Palsy<br /><br />www.johnwquinn.comJohn W. Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05910614194498834759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-39547288864234367382010-10-21T12:01:21.928-04:002010-10-21T12:01:21.928-04:00Why is that a "bad" joke? Any humor tha...Why is that a "bad" joke? Any humor that has a foundation in truth is REAL and relatable humor. In a lighthearted way, you explained your reality and let the other person know you weren't devastated by it. <br /><br />People need to lighten up. Sometimes PC--and the FEAR of being "un-PC"--have been taken too far, to the point where sincere communication suffers. <br /><br />I'll repeat myself--I go for the INTENT of the speaker, the CONTEXT. If the remarks aren't meant to be mean or cruel, I don't take them that way, even if they're clumsy or "un-PC" in any way.Felicianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-43404764501682795842010-10-21T12:00:44.355-04:002010-10-21T12:00:44.355-04:00I think humor is usually an opening to understandi...I think humor is usually an opening to understanding, and it at least lets the other person know that they don't have to tiptoe around the subject. Certainly my hubby and I have used black humor to get us through some really tough times. The bottom line is that everyone was talking about how obnoxious kids at age 5 can be -- so they were already making light of what other kids say. You simply added the special needs take on it.BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilitieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06901482901008135659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-61746396156684823002010-10-21T11:44:00.932-04:002010-10-21T11:44:00.932-04:00I had my 6th grade daughter read your post. She di...I had my 6th grade daughter read your post. She didn't see your comment as a joke, just a funny statement. Just what I thought when I read it -- you gave me a chuckle, nothing more, nothing less. I tell folks all the time that my son is a great Christmas shopper because he won't tell anyone what I bought. <br /><br />When my dad and great-aunt were still alive, we would joke about how folks w/ Alzhiemers always remembered the question, but never the answer.<br /><br />I HAVE to keep the moments light when I can, otherwise I will go under.<br /><br />That said, I agree with the comments about how I don't like other of folks (who don't know Luke) to make such remarks. I am also very careful about where I make comments -- NOT in front of my son. He just turned 8 last week and most 2nd graders still don't get the art of joking.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-24122790808045506762010-10-21T11:30:38.683-04:002010-10-21T11:30:38.683-04:00i can joke about it. my husband can joke about it....i can joke about it. my husband can joke about it. our nurses who live it with us on a daily basis can joke about it (but don't!) my friends who have kids in very similar boats can joke about it...but anyone else....no joking allowed! <br /><br />we have to laugh...but for me it's a fine line when someone else makes the joke who's not in the club. therefore i tend not to make jokes in front of the "others." :)jocalynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07313874191250865765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-21185012878807145142010-10-21T11:19:08.236-04:002010-10-21T11:19:08.236-04:00Ellen,
Something occurred to me while reading the...Ellen,<br /><br />Something occurred to me while reading the comments. I'm wondering if maybe the other blogger (who may or may not have typical kids) has had some other experience with a child who is non-verbal (say a sibling or something.) <br /><br />I know if I joke around about Austin to lighten the mood that is one thing...but if a stranger were to make light of "deafness" or something like that in a casual conversation I might be a bit surprised and taken aback. For me that would hit a nerve, growing up a lot of people made fun of my brothers for being deaf. Does that make any sense?<br /><br />So maybe she was not uptight (or maybe she was) just tossing out the possibility that you may have hit on something personal for her too without knowing it.<br /><br />Just because everyone "knows" about Max, doesn't mean that you know everything about their personal family history.<br /><br />Either way I don't think you did anything wrong or she did anything wrong...just possibly bad timing. And yes, sometimes you gotta laugh -- but you also need to know your audience and vice versa.<br /><br />If it had been one of us (your readers or friends) you know we would have totally joked right along with you.Janis @ Sneak Peek at Mehttp://sneakpeekatme.comnoreply@blogger.com