tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post5860333037529748908..comments2024-03-28T03:35:52.176-04:00Comments on Love That Max : Some guy online was cruel so I told his motherEllen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-34646866221265631262015-10-10T01:17:47.787-04:002015-10-10T01:17:47.787-04:00Hello, a friend sent me youe blog link after I exp...Hello, a friend sent me youe blog link after I experrienced some trolling this week. I admire what you did. My blogging friend Pip Lincolne said that sometimes, these trolls aren't monster humans, they're humans like us. I think she's right. This man clearly has issues, and his mother should know. <br />Thank you for writing this, for sticking up for disability issues, and for having so much dignity and composure. I too write about disability issues, and this was the subject of my attack. <br />Carly Carly Findlayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01368145710452826385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-31065782359268013922015-10-09T10:24:10.521-04:002015-10-09T10:24:10.521-04:00Good for you. Things may not have played out just ...Good for you. Things may not have played out just as you intended, but we cannot control that. The situation could have played out many ways. Maybe you would have found a mother with a similar attitude to her son. Maybe you would have found a complacent mother in denial who refused to believe you, even though the proof was in front of her eyes. And maybe you would have found a mother astonished at what had happened, who was able to reach out to her child and show them the error in his ways. At the end of the day, you spoke out for your child and really all children facing special needs. And maybe you only made a tiny drop in his bucket, but drops do have ripples.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06903466464514481948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-30199838471916889492015-10-05T22:01:06.753-04:002015-10-05T22:01:06.753-04:00I love this Ellen. Good for you. If I was his moth...I love this Ellen. Good for you. If I was his mother I would have wanted to know. Holly D. Grayhttp://www.caleighscorner.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-38063684614392750622015-10-05T08:30:29.118-04:002015-10-05T08:30:29.118-04:00I haven't always agreed with how you handle si...I haven't always agreed with how you handle situations, but I thought you handled this with a lot of class and tact. As you said, by contacting his mother and ultimately removing the post on your own, you actually protected this family. You displayed a lot grace. I'm sure the other mother appreciates it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-88566365313096523002015-10-03T23:36:27.933-04:002015-10-03T23:36:27.933-04:00I've seen the comments saying this choice was ...I've seen the comments saying this choice was the wrong thing to do. I have to say I think it was a good idea! I often think of telling people who do bad things that their behavior would make their grandmothers ashamed of them! I don't think you meant to embarrass or hurt the mother, but maybe just to show the young guy that the stupidity he spews online does hurt people... and yes, it does stay there publicly for everyone to see, including his own mother! If he doesn't care about that at all... well, that just goes to show what type of person he has turned out to be. Angel The Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16158672957404194956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-25524111237975491942015-10-02T10:41:34.138-04:002015-10-02T10:41:34.138-04:00Ellen,
Every time the issue comes up I give you s...Ellen,<br /><br />Every time the issue comes up I give you sound advice, every time you choose your way and nothing gets accomplished. How do you even know it was his mother? For all you know it could have been that ignorant kid. Let's call him what he is a biggot. This is how you get people to recognize the problem. I'm sorry I respect what you 're trying to do, but it hasn't worked in the past, didn't work now AND will NEVER work in the future<br />Try my method of comparing the "r-word" with the "n-word"! Then say one is a horrible lie used freely in today's society without fearr of reprocussions, the other is just the "n" word. Try it ONCE PLEASE I want to know what kind of feedback you get THEN post your results to your blog. I bet the outcome will be completely differentMattes's Musingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00304075309088592046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-72222907711605939362015-10-02T06:52:35.017-04:002015-10-02T06:52:35.017-04:00Ugh. Really, just ugh. But rather than contacting ...Ugh. Really, just ugh. But rather than contacting his mother (or perhaps as well as), you could have contacted the place he is studying and reported the abuse to them. Chances are he's using their computer systems to post abusive messages. It's clearly some time after the fact, but I would still consider doing so.<br /><br />As for the commenters here who are saying the mother should not have been contacted, since she can be identified and tracked down as a result of this, I would argue that she should to know. <br /><br />In any case, I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. Alisonhttp://allpastmidnight.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-33398767722069771242015-10-02T00:43:49.612-04:002015-10-02T00:43:49.612-04:00Firstly, I love your blog. I love reading other pa...Firstly, I love your blog. I love reading other parents perspectives and experiences. As a parent having a child with some special needs I appreciate the honesty that others are willing to share-share themselves to raise awareness but I am sure also bring comfort to other's hearts. Ms.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15363469862240117471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-13660795461179415542015-10-02T00:18:41.341-04:002015-10-02T00:18:41.341-04:00I think you owe that poor mother an apology. You ...I think you owe that poor mother an apology. You drew her into the ugliness perpetrated by her son, for whom she no longer has any responsibility. He is a grown man and you should have dealt with him and him alone. You have no idea what she has been through in trying to help her troubled son and only served to hurt her, in order to make yourself feel better. The self-righteousness and sense of entitlement on your part are painful to see. I believe there are better ways to get the message out that that word (I won't even use the shortened form) is unacceptable, especially without hurting innocent parties.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-6739743195732427742015-10-01T21:49:08.106-04:002015-10-01T21:49:08.106-04:00I mean, of course I would want to know, and it'...I mean, of course I would want to know, and it's not like he sent you a private letter - he put that hate on the internet, for everyone to see. I think it is your right to do with that information whatever you want, whatever makes you feel better. Did you hear the This American Life with Lindy West, when she found and confronted her troll? I think it's very satisfying, or at least more satisfying than just being sad and helpless about it, which is how I feel when someone says something mean about my son/me. Joannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00585179358306590340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-59656211605274573152015-10-01T21:39:22.118-04:002015-10-01T21:39:22.118-04:00Telling this mother had zero effect on her ability...Telling this mother had zero effect on her ability to influence her son. And, it made her feel terrible. The only person who felt "better" is tattle tale you. Bad form IMO.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-77236836492363696872015-10-01T19:35:47.190-04:002015-10-01T19:35:47.190-04:00I agree with this completely. I think that anyone ...I agree with this completely. I think that anyone who behaves this way thinks that they are the real victims. Either that or they're so worried that the world will see their short-comings they hurry to point out someone else's. That's my experience. Katyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11488932240712283768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-45915267674955757222015-10-01T16:11:14.009-04:002015-10-01T16:11:14.009-04:00It is very good that you contacted her. People can...It is very good that you contacted her. People can be mean and bullies to other with disabilities. I for one have been called a retard more than once and it made me feel really bad. Has Sabrina heard of the R word yet? I know my older brother sometimes used to use it until 1. I told him what it meant and how it offended both myself and others with intellectual disabilities and 2. When I showed him your awareness video. I am sorry anybody would ever say that about max and about you! Max .Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10904861794391197803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-14235048158552922082015-10-01T15:45:32.244-04:002015-10-01T15:45:32.244-04:00My mom says if my sister and I do anything bad, sh...My mom says if my sister and I do anything bad, she would want someone to tell her. She applies that idea when she told a neighborhood parent about her teenage daughter's reckless driving, Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10392626811425787266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68613824031015819472015-10-01T15:43:37.160-04:002015-10-01T15:43:37.160-04:00Always advocate to end the use of the word. I have...Always advocate to end the use of the word. I have done that this week. I was eating lunch with a group of people(one of my good friends, her boyfriend and his friends) and this one guy said " Come on (one of his friends) you're such a r-word." I said "excuse me but please don't use that disrespectful word." He didn't respond and about 10 minutes later he said "Come on (another friend) you're acting so r-word Ed" I was rather annoyed so I said " Would you please stop using that word? It is very disrespectful and hurtful to people with disabilities." His response was "Yeah but (his friends) aren't disabled." "I know they are not but nonetheless it isn't a word you should be saying. It is incredibly hurtful and offensive to myself and tons of other people." He then said " people are so set on being politically correct these days." Then lunch was over. Not saying the r-word has not to do with being politically correct(atleast not for me). It has to do with respect, respect for other people. It's a very simple concept. I've been fighting against that word since May of second grade.(I'm now in 12th). I am glad you contacted that man's mother Ellen. You are a fantastic advocate for this cause. Has Sabrina heard the word yet? If so how did you react? Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10392626811425787266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-80587955983792320832015-10-01T14:45:25.145-04:002015-10-01T14:45:25.145-04:00Wow!!Wow!!Evanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14305442363592369804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-4013356146527506542015-10-01T13:34:46.877-04:002015-10-01T13:34:46.877-04:00I think that what a lot of these trolls have in co...I think that what a lot of these trolls have in common is that they feel disadvantaged and denied any help or recogntion for their problems. They see disabled people seeming to get all kinds of help and consideration, and they think, "Why them? Why doesn't anyone care about me, my problems, how I feel?" Their thinking is distorted and self-pitying, but I do think it helps explain some of the more vile comments we see.apulranghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16133974049950425863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-42222922095293163862015-10-01T13:31:39.534-04:002015-10-01T13:31:39.534-04:00As I started reading Ellen's post, I was think...As I started reading Ellen's post, I was thinking much as you do. I would not recomned this kind of step for anyone. However, I think Ellen handled it very well, very diplomatically.apulranghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16133974049950425863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-41673853784934008692015-10-01T13:06:47.340-04:002015-10-01T13:06:47.340-04:00Parents are not responsable for their adult childr...Parents are not responsable for their adult children. If you had known the man who wrote this awful message and his family,it would have been one thing, but you found this woman on the internet not having a clue of whether as a parent she wanted or did not want to know about her son's behaviour. You took the decision for her, assuming parents should know. This man did something disgusting, but not something illegal, and if you use the internet to spread your word, hate messagges are (sadly) an inevitable part of what you will get. I just want to add that I disagree with you on this one, but I very much admire your writing and raising awerness, and want to thank you for teaching people about compassion and dignity. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-42585722644084636582015-10-01T11:54:29.689-04:002015-10-01T11:54:29.689-04:00So many angles to understand in this situation. I...So many angles to understand in this situation. If nothing else it gives us insight into just how complicated families truly are. Cause for more pause, and less judgement all around. Time for feelings to be mended and for all mothers to unite in our common effort of raising responsible, honest, thoughtful, and productive young people.GreenGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07442064771348479307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-21312313545297590502015-10-01T11:35:16.232-04:002015-10-01T11:35:16.232-04:00As a parent, I would want to know.As a parent, I would want to know.Jennahttp://stopdropandblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-7914169036698714752015-10-01T11:26:03.090-04:002015-10-01T11:26:03.090-04:00So glad you did this, Ellen. You are the voice of ...So glad you did this, Ellen. You are the voice of so many. Thank you.Alexandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00609629888008025050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-2641161469451772532015-10-01T11:03:02.757-04:002015-10-01T11:03:02.757-04:00As a parent, I would want to know. The email didn&...As a parent, I would want to know. The email didn't hurt and humiliate his mother. He did that. All Ellen did was give a parent information that she needed, painful or not. If she's trying to help her son, being in the dark about his behavior isn't going to make that any easier.Robhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13961143192689894249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-48027209701059310582015-10-01T10:05:55.863-04:002015-10-01T10:05:55.863-04:00Trolls are awful. I have received rude comments on...Trolls are awful. I have received rude comments on some old flute videos from a serial troll; I blocked the user.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-16595315737319797032015-10-01T08:58:53.239-04:002015-10-01T08:58:53.239-04:00I completely understand your reasons for doing wha...I completely understand your reasons for doing what you did...but I can't help feeling that it was just NOT the right thing to do. In the end, all it did was embarrass and hurt this young man's mother. And if her son truly is troubled, she is facing enough stress and hardship without having complete strangers complain to her about her son. It would be different if it were a child, but this man was an adult and responsible for his own words and actions. It is not the mother's fault and just as they do not know what your family is going through, you do not know what they are going through either. The Internet is a nasty place, and what this man said was truly appalling. You were hurt by his comments, and rightfully so. However, taking it upon yourself to contact his mother likely had zero impact on him, but it DID have an impact on her. Was it worth hurting and humiliating his mother? Did it make you feel any better or vindicated? Again, I understand your fury and you went about contacting her in a respectful way. But I don't think it was a good decision. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com