tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post4689663819193797376..comments2024-03-17T12:02:12.410-04:00Comments on Love That Max : Football players protect a bullied girl with special needs: a true victory?Ellen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-86879043584330257592014-11-17T02:32:12.748-05:002014-11-17T02:32:12.748-05:00American football is a full contact sport sometime...American football is a full contact sport sometimes looked upon as too much aggressive from some countries. The constant head to head action of the game is what can turn heads and catch the eye of said naysayers.best linebackers in the nflhttp://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/top-25-greatest-linebackers-of-all-timenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68406521439182354182013-09-22T08:45:26.256-04:002013-09-22T08:45:26.256-04:00My take is that politeness is what keeps the world...My take is that politeness is what keeps the world from descending into anarchy. A kid isn't (and frankly can't and shouldn't) be compelled to like another child, but they ARE required to be polite and treat them kindly. Period. It is the bare minimum required by the social contract.<br /><br />I think what Caraon et al did was great -- a tiny, personal action that has made the world an ever so slightly better place. Right this instant (not at an indeterminately later date, after school staff finally decide to do their duty and enforce the anti-bullying policy). <br /><br />There's a long way to go in getting folks to treat those with special needs politely - but that's exactly where everybody's efforts should start. Goal #1 for the high school is everybody is polite to everybody else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-85945475393067905802013-04-07T20:37:24.163-04:002013-04-07T20:37:24.163-04:00You could follow the example of Chy's mother. ...You could follow the example of Chy's mother. Get to know the parents of some football players in your daughter's high school, or you could show this story to your minister and the one on the Girl with Downs Syndrome being elected Home Coming Queen http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/01/14/heartwarming-story-high-school-girl-with-down-syndrome-crowned-homecoming-queen/ <br />Then ask your minister to help. Both stories worked at the grass roots level, not with authorities.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-91588789944667235842013-04-07T20:31:04.605-04:002013-04-07T20:31:04.605-04:00Ellen, yes Heather is correct, it is a start. Unfo...Ellen, yes Heather is correct, it is a start. Unfortunately trying to use it to rain on the parade of Chy and the football players, will not help your child at all. Using it as an example of what the youth can do to make things right and encouraging other football (and other sports figures) teams to adopt special needs youth would do a lot more for your child and others like him. Laws and school founded and/or controlled programs to accomplish what needs to be done have not worked. One on one approaches by concerned parents like Chy's mother and her church members have. For another story of how a one on one approach did work, check out http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/01/14/heartwarming-story-high-school-girl-with-down-syndrome-crowned-homecoming-queen/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-64444437690939826432012-12-16T09:38:22.890-05:002012-12-16T09:38:22.890-05:00Ellen -
It is easy to see why the school did not...Ellen - <br /><br />It is easy to see why the school did nothing. I am not at all surprised that Chy's mother got little help from staff. I would say it's typical, in my experience. <br /><br />I went to a school where I was bullied every single day. The staff and administration knew that it was going on but refused to do anything - they couldn't do anything unless they saw it (which never seemed to happen). The principal told my parents in a meeting: "we can't make them like her". <br /><br />Yes, progress is progress, but I was only in public school a short while ago.<br /><br />All of these comments talk about getting her to take care of herself, what does it teach, etc. I will tell you something: I wish that I'd had a protector. Maybe it would have helped me feel safe. God knows the school didn't try very hard.<br /><br />I could be here all day telling you about the harrassment that I endured at the hands of other kids (and I am sure that many others could, too). But if just one had stood up and said 'this is not okay'...school could have been a much happier place for me.<br /><br />Reinforcing the idea that 'disabled people need help' is so far from the point, here. What it reinforces is that you must BE the change you want to see in the world. That is what these football players are doing. They are the change in HER world. It reinforces standing up for something and being a leader or falling for anything and being a follower. <br /><br />If you took Chy's disability out of the equation - if she were gay, or black. Would your uneasiness change?Just a Figment of Your Nervous Systemhttp://justafigmentofyournervoussystem.blogspot.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-15270172609922406922012-12-16T09:09:58.791-05:002012-12-16T09:09:58.791-05:00I think what has happened here, for Chy, is a grea...I think what has happened here, for Chy, is a great and amazing blessing for her. And just like in the old parable about the old man throwing back the starfish on a beach littered with dying starfish, it definitely matters to this one. My question echoes many of the points that have already been raised by other commenters: The way I see it herein lies a tremendous opportunity for systems change in this school. How do we know that the bullies haven't moved on to hurting others who have disabilities? The school has a larger problem: that the bullying of a child who has a disability was being tolerated in the first place. Those boys are seniors and will be gone in a semester and what happens then, knowing bullies my guess is they will not stay down. I hope they will, but my fear is that they will not. There needs to be systems change to help not only Chy but others, I suspect that she was not the only person with a disability in the school that was/is being bullied. Kat O.K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14410003856327039812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-25744973806138413412012-12-16T08:17:37.390-05:002012-12-16T08:17:37.390-05:00It is SO amazing to hear from you—and to know that...It is SO amazing to hear from you—and to know that, yes, what happened really did have lasting effects. What the football players did was outstanding and a major step in the right direction, but as you know, inclusion is a never-ending, ongoing challenge. I am especially thrilled to hear that Chy has been speaking at schools, a great thing for her and the kids she speaks with. Thank you so much for getting in touch! I will share your response on Facebook. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-3729311698626403362012-12-15T14:36:25.771-05:002012-12-15T14:36:25.771-05:00Hi Ellen I am Chy's mom. First I want to say t...Hi Ellen I am Chy's mom. First I want to say that I went to Carson about Chy being bullied. This has made a huge change in the schools student body. That was validated when the boys went on to win the State Championship. 1 of the football players did an interview after the game and said that it has made a difference in the community and student body. He see other kids being kind to ALL the sped kids now. He sees people being much kinder to Chy. She has been invited to birthday parties and other events by typical kids. She has even been invited to a Christmas party by a typical girl at the school. Sunday Dec. 16th the boys and Chy will be recognized at the Cardinals football game against the Lions. Chy and Carson have been invited to sit with quarterback John Skelton's family during the game. The bys have spoken to a few schools and the kids about what they have done and that it is ok to be friends with sped kids. Chy has also spoken at a couple of schools as well. Although she does not speak to an auditorium full of kids like the boys do. Hers is done in a much smaller setting. With much fewer kids at a time. I understand you skeptisism but this truely has turned into something positive for my daughter and other sped kids in her school. I hope this helps easy your mind some for Chy and her school.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-13862560245441971382012-11-10T15:25:50.063-05:002012-11-10T15:25:50.063-05:00People do these things because they want people to...People do these things because they want people to be the same. I disagree and say that different is good. I mean, who really defines normal? God calls us to love everyone. <br /><br /> Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-56641851899670723292012-11-08T07:40:33.522-05:002012-11-08T07:40:33.522-05:00In a way I do find it comforting but I wonder when...In a way I do find it comforting but I wonder when they are not around how she will cope. I absolutely agree that there should be more programs to help children understand the importance of acceptance but the reality is that the schools won't. They struggle just to teach the basics on a daily basis sadly it's not something I no not see happening in the near future. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-3662769585807768452012-11-08T06:13:25.596-05:002012-11-08T06:13:25.596-05:00Chris, you're right, compassion is part of it,...Chris, you're right, compassion is part of it, and I loved what you did with your daughter. It's important that compassion not veer into pity, because that's the last thing many of us want for our kids. I would like Max to be treated as an equal--just like Sarah learned to do with all her dollies.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-46427951906820383182012-11-07T23:51:02.764-05:002012-11-07T23:51:02.764-05:00Although I teach elementary PE and have several sp...Although I teach elementary PE and have several special needs kids (hearing impaired, autistic) in my classes, I would like to share as a mother something I did with my own daughter when she was little. We found a dolly at a yard sale that was missing her arms, named her and took her home. My daughter Sarah loved that dolly by dressing, bathing, feeding, scolding (yes that too!) and in every way treating her like any of her other babies. Sarah grew up with a tender heart toward those with extra challenges, and later spoke out against bullying when she witnessed it in school. I know the school staff needs to do as much as they can (and we do!) but compassion for others begins, or doesn't, at a very young age at home. Thank you for your blog and your obvious passion on this subject.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05222847508150584753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-24542068577398936782012-11-07T21:13:46.599-05:002012-11-07T21:13:46.599-05:00When my grandma became a mom, kids with special ne...When my grandma became a mom, kids with special needs were institutionalized or hidden. When my mom became a parent kids with special needs were segregated in special schools with no integration/inclusion opportunities. My parents were in some ways embarrassed that I limp and I have VERY mild CP. There was no pt in school or adapted PE. But I am fortunate enough to be able to 'pass" I'm in my mid 40's- my kids would have had the opportunity for an education in 'a least restrictive environment'. That's a shift in roughly 60 years- less time than other human rights were realized for certain populations in our society. I am not saying it's great progress- but it is progress and old ideations die hard.<br />Teach the youngest of the young....take away the mystery....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-22715127006831979252012-11-07T20:29:03.523-05:002012-11-07T20:29:03.523-05:00I think there's too many holes in the story - ...I think there's too many holes in the story - so much we don't know. How did the school respond? Did they do nothing? How much did the football players & their friends learn - did they really become good friends with her on a real level, or just protecting her by presenting a strong physical threat? I would like to know more history & more of what happens next.Jenny S-Anoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-27462022298947914832012-11-07T20:17:02.231-05:002012-11-07T20:17:02.231-05:00Yep Ellen. Instead of people pitying people w/disa...Yep Ellen. Instead of people pitying people w/disabilities pity the bullies. Tuesonanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-33672404562637107902012-11-07T19:57:04.262-05:002012-11-07T19:57:04.262-05:00You are so right, a lot of bullying is about insec...You are so right, a lot of bullying is about insecurity.<br />Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-45885936505192145602012-11-07T19:48:02.168-05:002012-11-07T19:48:02.168-05:00Oh, I do think this is wonderful, as I said. But I...Oh, I do think this is wonderful, as I said. But I can't help but feel wishful that this wasn't such an isolated event--and that it doesn't end with the kids' actions. I truly hope you're right about the ripple effect.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-28879879467296871362012-11-07T19:45:02.257-05:002012-11-07T19:45:02.257-05:00Tooner, love that, I'm going to use it!Tooner, love that, I'm going to use it!<br />Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-47579953661181363172012-11-07T19:19:28.353-05:002012-11-07T19:19:28.353-05:00I agree that we need bigger changes at bigger leve...I agree that we need bigger changes at bigger levels, but in my experience, one willing person stepping forward with one small practical step is worth more than 10 years of meeting, talking and planning. This will not change the nationwide situation of bullying, but one girl's life and experience are changed as are the lives of each team member supporting her and their friend's and family's lives...don't underestimate the ripple effect this may have. A followup story would be great, but don't forget to celebrate...one kid made a right choice...this is how change starts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-56754190081143148622012-11-07T16:58:51.412-05:002012-11-07T16:58:51.412-05:00When I do presentations in school; I try and think...When I do presentations in school; I try and think of things that kids could relate to. For example, swimming. To explain cerebral palsy I used the analogy of a phone. That the phone can be busy or dial the wrong number. That my brain gets a busy signal sometimes or gets the # wrong. Toonerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13035308590730363327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-37674761830773072572012-11-07T15:34:09.238-05:002012-11-07T15:34:09.238-05:00Sad but I can also relate. I'm in a wheelchair...Sad but I can also relate. I'm in a wheelchair. Through high school my best friend was the star of the boys varsity basketball team. However, this didn't stop people from picking on me. Awful she needs to be protected. I coped with sitting by him regularly. However, people picked on us for being a couple. I was told by my counselors that bullying is not about me it's about the bullies feeling pity for themselves or jealous of the person they pick on. Tuesonanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-51698346153159577372012-11-07T13:55:11.963-05:002012-11-07T13:55:11.963-05:00It's great that the football players protected...It's great that the football players protected her but it's sad that they had to.Nishahttp://nisha360.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-18860423862990786062012-11-07T12:31:46.469-05:002012-11-07T12:31:46.469-05:00I was thinking that, Sarah—and also why the school...I was thinking that, Sarah—and also why the school hadn't done more themselves to prevent the bullying. What do you think Chy could have done herself? Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-30040714098835180212012-11-07T12:29:51.706-05:002012-11-07T12:29:51.706-05:00You know, I hope that, but not convinced. I'd ...You know, I hope that, but not convinced. I'd love a follow-up story on how this impacted the school.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-27758625353481612982012-11-07T12:18:41.370-05:002012-11-07T12:18:41.370-05:00I think I would have felt better if the girl herse...I think I would have felt better if the girl herself were empowered to change her circumstances, instead of being "saved" by a group of non-disabled kids. I think it perpetuates the myth that children with special needs are "less-than" and deserve pity instead of respect.<br /><br />That's my perspective as a person with a disability ... not a parent. Sarah Quintonoreply@blogger.com