Thursday, April 18, 2013

How to ace an IEP: Tips from a parent pro


Max's annual IEP (Individualized Education Program, for the uninitiated) meeting happened yesterday. It's our seventh one, which I guess makes me a veteran, though a very young-looking one. I took the day off from work, not because it takes so long (about an hour and a half) but because I always have a lot to process afterward. These are some of the tactics that have helped me get the most out of IEPs over the years, and helped me to best help Max

Try to discuss goals ahead of time with the team
Max's teacher and therapists have emailed in recent weeks to share their thoughts on goals for Max, and find out what mine were. It is incredibly helpful walking into the IEP knowing them, and being prepared to discuss them. If you have assessments from experts, share them ahead of time, especially if you're going to pushing for additional therapies or other support. You can also request a draft of the IEP ahead of time; it's a good thing to do if you have concerns and you want a specialist to weigh in on it.

Make a list
Basic, yes, but key: Bring a list of questions. I type mine out so they're easy to read at a glance and because it looks I-mean-business official. My wish list is also on that paper—an extra session of occupational therapy, a way for Max to do homework on his iPad or computer.  

Sneak a peek at your kid before the meeting
When I popped into Max's classroom, I got one of his I'm-so-happy-all-I-can-do-is-giggle reactions, just the fuel I needed to go on. Also: During the conference, I opened a photo of Max on my iPhone, and left it facing up on the table. Just in case, you know, I forgot why I was there...or anyone did.

Bring backup
And by this I do not mean a flask of mojitos, not that there's anything wrong with that. Say you want the district to pay for a speech app for your child. Gather your ammo, whether it's copies of letters from private speech therapists or the neurologist or copies of progress reports from the last two years that show your child hasn't made great progress in communication. Discuss your request ahead of time with your district coordinator so she can (hopefully) back you up at the meeting. If you know you are going to be in for a battle over a device, service or support you want, you have a right to bring an advocate, psychologist, behaviorist, attorney, psychic. And if you do not agree with the IEP, you do not have to sign it right then and there. Truth is, sometimes administrators don't necessarily have your child's best interests in mind—they might have the budget's best interests in mind, something I learned the hard way years ago at another school when I first asked about getting Max a communication device and was told "no." If you choose, you can put your concerns in writing and request another IEP meeting. Also: If you've had clashes with your school over services, you have a right to record the IEP meeting if you give 24 hours notice; that tape could come in handy should the school not completely follow the IEP.

But keep an open mind 
Max has come a ways in terms of using both hands (his left one is the stronger one); he's instinctively picking up toys and objects with both of them and I no longer endlessly plead "Use both hands, Max! Use both hands!" But Max completely lacks supination—the ability to turn your arms so they face wrist-sides up (think soup-ination, like you're holding a bowl of soup). I don't know when this will kick in. Max receives two sessions a week of OT at school, and I got it into my head that an additional group session would be good for him; he's so social, and I figured watching other kids using their hands and arms in therapy might encourage him. What went down at the meeting: The head of the OT department explained that he does basically get group OT when the OTs are in the classrooms. Another pointed out that it wouldn't be great to pull him out of class for yet another therapy session. I listened, truly listened, and ultimately agreed with them. 

Feel the love  
During the meeting I'll look around the room and think about what each person has contributed to Max's progress; it makes me feel good, and helps lighten the intensity of what we're doing. And if someone's making me anxious, I picture them in their underwear! OK, I don't really. I just get them in a headlock. 

Anticipate the downer moments
There was lots of Good Stuff to talk about. I had to restrain myself from giving a standing ovation when the nurse announced "Max is potty-trained!" Math skills are coming along. Max is reading sentences, and typing them out on his iPad. He is increasingly using his iPad in conversation to ask questions, including ones like "What is your favorite kind of party?" (Which evidently stumped the guy who recently measured Max for foot braces; Max's answer is "Cars 2 party!" and when he gets around to asking me I will unhesitatingly respond "toga party!") But then we discussed Max and his understanding of time and money. And his wonderful teacher gently said she's not sure he is truly getting what they mean. Even though hearing her acknowledge that was hard, I'd figured it would come up and that helped temper the sadness. Max learns best from repetition, so we agreed Dave and I need to work more on helping him with those concepts at home. Heck, we don't even own an analog clock; one old-fashioned, non-digital Cars 2 clock, coming up.

Follow up
It's too easy to go home and get sucked into your bazillion to-dos. But take a moment to make a list of things you need to follow up on. Mine included talking more with Max's OT about a solution to helping him pull up his pants when he uses the bathroom, and being in touch with the school in September about getting Max a laptop with a touch-screen to do homework that way. 

I put all the paperwork aside until the next day, so I could read it with a clear head. Then I went and got myself an IP: Individualized Pedicure, my reward for surviving yet another IEP.  

26 comments:

  1. So helpful! I love your idea of the photo ... For both you and the other people in the room. It can be a reminder for them that the IEP is to help a child! Think it helps personalize and put into perspective... I remember my 1st IEP, I was so nervous! Think this will help many!

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    1. Thanks, Sharon. I don't remember the first IEP, which was at Max's old school, but a lot of stuff from that place wasn't so memorable. Why we switched!

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  2. Good practical suggestions, Ellen! One other thing I've found is "The more, the merrier" -- whenever possible bring along Dad (or an involved respite provider or an outside therapist). It really is a team meeting, and you are not raising him by yourself. My husband takes several vacation days every year for these school meetings and I am frequently told he is one of the few fathers that bothers to show up. It really helps to have him there when I am ready to lose my cool (in a confrontational IEP) or even when we get off topic as he is used to running business meetings.

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    1. Because we've been fortunate with our IEPs, I've never felt the need to bring an outsider. It would, however, be nice to have Dave there! He was away on business this time. But, there is always next year! And the year after that! And....

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  3. Not an IEP tip, but just because I saw one of these in my local toy store the other day, after not having seen one in about 5 years - the Time Timer. Was invaluable for Miss 17 back when she had no sense of the passing of time. I'm sure it avoided many a meltdown because she was able to "control" time by understanding how much she had left. Also helped greatly in independence that she began to learn what had to be done, for example, getting ready for school in the morning. Now days, I wake her up because I like that morning connection (and she has a tiny room and no good place for an alarm clock, LOL) but I can count on her to do everything she has to do BY HERSELF (yup, lunch, clothes, backpack, planner, iPod, lalalalalala) and be waiting at the door for the school bus by 7:30 am. YES!

    Oh, and for IEPs? Bake cookies :)

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  4. Forgot to add: http://www.timetimer.com

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    1. This is a very cool clock! Thanks for the suggestion. We are going to see how things go with the Cars 2 clock, since Lightning McQueen is usually motivational to him.

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  5. Another IEP veteran here (just had our seventh annual review last month). Our district just started printing the child's school photo from that year on the cover of the annual review packet, which alleviates the need for me to bring in a framed photo (as I always did) that I'd set up in front of me on the table.

    Regarding the time telling, my mother-in-law gave this to my kid as a Christmas present and it is the ONLY reason she can tell time on a non-digital clock. She still uses it now (4th grade) for the alarm function. It just sucks when she inadvertently hits "snooze" instead of "off" and then the alarm goes off again while she's in the bathroom, forcing me to frantically run upstairs and shut it off for real. Mommy doesn't need that extra cardio first thing in the morning. (Okay, fine, I actually do, so let me amend: Mommy doesn't *appreciate* that extra cardio first thing in the morning.)

    Here's the clock on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0019IHE8I/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&keywords=learn%20to%20tell%20time%20clock&qid=1366288772&sr=8-3

    And congrats on surviving another CSE review!!

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    1. Oooh, I like this clock a lot, too! Oh, and I am with you on needing the cardio. :)

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  6. You forgot "make a date to go to lunch/dinner with your husband that day and drink lots of wine/tequilla/sangria." But otherwise spot on good advice. :)

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    1. Excellent suggestion, and somehow not surprised it is coming from you! ;0

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  7. I think a pedicure is a great post IEP tradition. I might have to try that.

    This year, Adam's classroom teacher met with me a few days before the IEP to go over his progress and more fully explain some things- it helped me to be prepared with goals and to make our IEP a little shorter(was still over an hour, but it would have been longer had I not been so aware of progress).

    I find I need to have tissues on hand at an IEP. Though this year, I cried happy tears. Which reminds me- I need to write about it. ;)

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    1. I used to well up at IEPs, in an unhappy way. Last year was the first time that I cried tears of happiness, like you did, when a therapist said "He's just the happiest kid." I am glad you had a good IEP!

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  8. Thank you for this! We're still waiting to get through our first in-depth evaluation with a team of experts at a developmental center (hurry up, April 29th) before we move forward. Our son is in a pre-k program at day care and receives OT and speech therapy each twice a week. He's enrolled for kindergarten this upcoming year and I am sure we will be setting up an IEP meeting before too long (waiting on official diagnoses). I'm still trying to figure out how to make it through the evaluation that I hadn't even thought of the IEP much.

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    1. We had evaluations when Max was that age too. I remember thinking that they sounded worse than the reality of Max, but then, I didn't mind because I knew it would entitle him to more services. Story of Max's life: He looks so much worse on paper. I hope your son's eval goes well, Stacey.

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  9. great suggestions. our son is starting kindergarten this september and this post will definitely come in handy. thanks and good luck!

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  10. What a lot of great ideas. Our stuff looks different because I homeschool. There's no external help for us because of our educational choices so I get to create an IEP. By. Myself. Our early intervention help is finished when she turns 5 (in June). I've got a big learning curve ahead of me!

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    1. OK, I can't even imagine creating an IEP alone! I'll bet there are good resources in the homeschooling community from other parents on creating an IEP, it's such an amazing community. If you wanted me to put up a post on Facebook asking around, let me know.

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  11. Glad it went so well! Great tips and support, thankyou. We have four meetings a year ( one each term) and they indeed get easier the more prepared I am!

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    1. Wha? Four meetings a year? You clearly hit the IEP jackpot. :) Though, hmmm, maybe that is a kinder, gentler way of doing things than one big intense meeting every year.

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  12. We have four meetings a year too Ellen - the norm here in Australia, with the goal being that at each one you assess how things are going and rejig goals and strategies based on how things are going. We've got our next one next week (gulp). I totally agree with all your awesome advice about the meetings, especially to be ultra prepared. My other tip is that if there's an issue that's been brewing, but for some reason or another not quite being addressed the way you think it should be, to have a quiet word in the ear of the appropriate therapist to raise it as THEIR concern, not yours as a parent. Sometimes there's a lot more credit given to an issue that a therapist has, not us mums who are somehow (ha!) not considered a professional when it comes to our kids.

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  13. Oh and we are big fans of the Jungle Coins and Jungle Time apps - great for helping out with learning about money and telling the time. x Di

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  14. Hi Ellen! Thank you for sharing these brilliant tips! These tips will be of great help to us and will definitely come in handy. I hope many Moms and Dads will also find this very useful! Thanks a lot!

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Thanks for sharing!