Friday, February 10, 2012

Looking at life from the bright side up... plus, happiness giveaway!


Ever have a coworker who was irrepressibly upbeat, cool, funny and totally real, no matter how hectic things got? Amy Spencer is one of those people. We worked together at Glamour.

See? Happy!

It wasn't really a surprise, then, to find out she'd written a book about happiness: Bright Side Up: 100 Ways To Be Happier Right Now, out this week. It's a super-interesting read, but you also get a whole lot of good, practical ideas out of it from Amy and the many women and experts she spoke with. One of the tips I particularly loved: Ask your 100-year-old self. If you're struggling to make a decision, imagine yourself as a wise old chick and ask that person what you should do. As Amy writes, "Your 100-year-old self will be gentle and kind, but will also be the voice of conviction, strength and fearlessness you might have forgotten you have inside you." (Note: Do not picture how you will look when you're 100, or you will not feel very happy.)

Because she's nice like that, Amy offered to do a guest post. Read on, then get a chance to win some happiness—as in, her book!

I’m not a parent, but I want to be. As it turns out, I have a genetic condition that’s made it difficult for me to have a healthy pregnancy. And while I can’t fix my issue, I’ve been doing all I can to up my odds over the past four years: I’ve been getting acupuncture, drinking a terrible-tasting tea and tonic a few times a day, and avoiding caffeine, dairy, cold food, gluten, and more. 

At first, I was consumed and depressed by how unfair my situation felt. But thinking about the bad stuff was only making me feel, well, bad. So I started looking for something positive I could focus on. The new diet—when I have the strength to stick to it—makes me feel lighter, healthier and stronger. And while I don’t love laying on a table with needles sticking out of me, it’s like a forced spell of stillness and rest in an otherwise busy day. And of course there’s the hope: that all this effort won’t be for naught.

It’s easy for people to feel bogged down by life’s bad moments. And there are plenty of ‘em. But there are also bright parts of every day, and those are important to note, too. Because happiness isn’t necessarily what’s happening to us, but how we see and feel about what’s happening to us. How we look at our situation can make a big difference in how we feel about it.

When my friend Betsy's son Tom was a baby and not meeting any developmental milestones, she said she isolated herself from the mommy crowd. “I couldn't deal with people talking about their kids’ advancements and playgroups because I wasn't having the same experience as everyone else,” she told me. So, she stepped back and did her own thing. And by not exposing herself to reminders of all the stuff he couldn’t do, she said she was able to focus and celebrate more on what he could. “I remember when Tom was over two and not walking yet, my mom said, ‘Someday we’ll be glad we got extra time to snuggle with him, because eventually he won’t want to.’ And you know what? I am glad I got extra time to snuggle with him, because now he is 11 and five feet tall and doesn’t want to snuggle.”

Among the bad, there is good. Maybe you need to hold a microscope over life to find it some days but it is there. Even if you have to put it on mega-magnification to find it! Like Betsy said, “One day I was reading a book about these women struggling in Afghanistan, and I said to my friend, ‘At least we live in America. When we flip the light switch, the lights go on. Every time.’”

So if you’re noticing a lot of bad stuff, actively seek out the good. Find one thing to feel positive about. What smart, cute thing has your child done today? What’s so them you love them to bits for it? Or what might you look back on and appreciate years from now about your time together today? Maybe it’s their funny giggle, a big bear hug, a small step forward, or a moment of calm together in a rough day. Maybe it’s a reminder of how lucky you are to have your little one in your life every day.

For me, as I work through my own personal struggle, that’s where happy is, in focusing on the small good things. Easier said than done? Absolutely. But when you find something you can feel truly happy about, it’s worth all the effort to try.

Thanks again to Amy for a great guest post. Now, a book giveaway! To enter to win one of three copies of Bright Side Up, just leave a comment about what your idea of happiness is. Note, if your email is not visible on your blog, you must leave it here. This giveaway is open until Wednesday, February 15 at 11:59 p.m EST. I'll randomly select three winners via random.org, contact them and announce them here.   


Update: The winners are KarenP, Clara and Melissa. Enjoy the book, may it bring you extra bliss.

34 comments:

  1. malicethemom@yahoo.com


    My happiness is seeing my 6year old with Cerebral Palsy take a few steps without me holding on. My happiness is his smile when I come home from work. He can't use the words "i love you" but his smile and the way he pulls me in for a kiss make me happy.

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  2. On a side note Ellen, I just discovered your blog in October and I LOVE it. It also makes me happy!

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  3. Love this post! My idea of happinness is waking up in the morning going into my daughter's room to get the warmest hug every morning. Sometimes she kisses my face openly because she hasn't mastered closing her mouth to kiss : ) She laughs at the smallest things, such as Mommy haven't a small piece of hair sticking up in the back of my head. I love her so much : )

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  4. This book looks awesome! I can't wait to get my hands on it. My happiness is seeing both my girls laugh & smile. No diagnosis can steal that happiness!

    Ellen...thank you for continuing to spotlight different people that are making a difference!

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  5. What a great way to think about things!!! I'm just happy to see my son happy. :-)

    wildcatplh AT netzero DOT com

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  6. My idea of happiness is allowing myself to be in the moment, rather than thinking of the million things I need to do or the myriad ways I screw up every day. Looking in my daughter's eyes and really listening as she tells me a long, rambling story from her day at preschool - and falling more in love with her every day - that's happiness to me. My email is jennypecht@yahoo.com. Thanks!

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  7. Pulling my daughter into bed in the morning to nurse her & just soaking in all her happy baby deliciousness... Sitting with my 4 year-old boy on my lap in the rocking chair reading funny books together & hearing him laugh... That's happiness I get everyday. :)

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  8. My idea of happiness is being surrounded by the ones I love the most and seeing them happy.
    Jenny ~ jennroseman@comcast.net
    www.nourishingthenest.blogspot.com

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  9. My idea of happiness is the progress my little boy makes. Today he pretend-sneezed after I sneezed! Seeing my children happy, that's definitely my ultimate idea of happiness.


    Miri at herewearetogether.com

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  10. Happiness is hearing my daughter giggle while she plays with her dad.

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  11. this is a great post.

    happiness for me lately has been the ability to appreciate the moment, without worry for the future or regret about the past.

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  12. Hi Ellen! I'll play. (Love your blog!)

    My idea of happiness is when Tal, David and I snuggle in the morning in bed. Well, we try to snuggle but David wants to play and honk our noses, giggling hysterically. Heaven.

    QTinNYC @ Gmail.com

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  13. Hi -- I loved this post and I'm so glad you got Amy to write here Ellen.

    Happiness is my son learning to write at age 17! He's never been able to write, so to see him writing in his Kumon books is a thrill. He was never able to sign cards properly before, but yesterday he signed a card: Thank you, Ben and it was so exciting I got out the camera.

    Amy -- you are so right. It is all perspective. And it's hard work keeping the focus on the good things but it is so worth it. I look forward to seeing your book. Congratulations! Louise

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  14. Oh. I love this. My happiness is definitely seeing Carsyn smile.

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  15. Many people are unhappy because they do not have what they want. It can be difficult or impossible to control getting what you want. The really happy people are those who want what they have. Don't believe me? Ask any other happy parent of a special needs "child.". Mine is 34.

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  16. My happy moment of the day is when I snuggle my little Zach in the Nicu and his breathing gets stable. He loves to be held! Ellen, I owe you several comments. I love your Max and your blog!

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  17. Happiness is having to buy a bigger bib for my granddaughter who has decided at 18 months it's time to try and feed herself! Bring on the messes - it makes my heart sing to see her progress.

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  18. I really wanted to stop by and tell you that when I look at your son, I do not see a disability. I honest to God see one beautiful, vibrant boy full of life and potential. I was reading through your blog and saw you mentioned people have looked at him and said, "poor thing!". That infuriates me like no other. I promise I'm not just saying this but your son is very handsome! I truly think he is adorable.

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  19. Today, my five year old daughter made bowel movement sitting in her toilet seat, that now is the fifth day running without taking lactulose!!! Share happiness!!!!

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  20. Any moment of calm in our household is a happy moment for us, sharing a laugh in the moment and forgetting all the daily stresses for awhile. Jennifer K.
    moonandstars4@wi.rr.com

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  21. For me, I think happiness is remembering that each day is a gift and a miracle. Even when it's hard. Just taking a minute to really look at the people in my life to remember that it's a miracle that each of them is here to live the day with me!

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  22. The unconditional love my special daughter gives me...her forgiveness of my short tempered days, her excitement at seeing me, her words of love and affection ...make me extremely happy!!

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  23. My idea of happiness is a big hug from one of my students with special needs when my day has been less than great. He makes me smile regardless!

    jimw@sasktel.net

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  24. My idea of happiness is taking one tiny moment and savoring it, living in it fully, and filling myself with graitutde to God for it. I believe God gives us millions of these moments, and we largely ignore them, too caught up in the Great Big Busy to even see them.

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  25. My idea of happiness is counting the positive qualities in my life and then thinking of ways I can make a difference for others. One of the ways is that I'm working toward my degree in occupational therapy. I'm excited to hopefully help many people gain their independence and make the most out of their life.

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  26. This week my idea of happiness was skyping my out of state kids and seeing my grandson who had just fallen asleep and just watching him. SO peaceful, even 600 miles away.

    tompammc@Hotmail.com

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  27. Great blog Ellen! Too long without communication.

    Happiness for me is watching my two girls play nicely together and knowing that they will always have each other.

    Nona :)
    nonasue@earthlink.net

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  28. Happiness is being around the people I love. tjnhamilton1403@yahoo.com

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  29. happiness is finding people in my life who "get" what it means to parent kiddos with special needs. rare and much appreciated!!

    meliss1974@msn.com

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  30. Happiness is hearing my 10 year old with apraxia say the M in milk for the first time. Awesome feeling!

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  31. My idea of happiness..to be able to put everything aside and just enjoy the breeze, the sun, anything beautiful that is around me at that very moment..my daughter gave me the ability to do that, even if just for a moment. Children just know how to do that and it's up to us to relearn it from them!

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  32. Happiness for me is listening to my son chatter about anything and everything. At 3 and 1/2 years old he has recently started forming "sentences" and I can't wait to hear what he has to say. Yesterday when he said "Happy Valentine's Day Mom" I think I was the happiest I've been in awhile. One of my favorite things to hear him say is "I wuv you Mommy". It is just miraculous!

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  33. Happiness is seeing my son laugh and enjoy life in his own unique way :) mamacarlson09@yahoo.com

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  34. How we look at our situation can make a big difference in how we feel about it. You're friend Amy is very wise I too strongly believe that everything is in the way you look at it :)

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Thanks for sharing!