Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Be the change you want to see in the world, said Gandhi. Word.


While I was at BlogHer, a few moms told me that after reading my post about tweeting at people who used the word "retard" they'd either quit saying it or had taken to asking other people not to. Loved hearing that.

Katie from Overflowing Brain mentioned something particularly awesome. She used to be a high school teacher, and she'd give kids demerits for saying "retard" and "retarded." Only their parents would sometimes fight her on it, and tell her they weren't words that merited demerits. Katie would point out that the by-laws of her class specified those words weren't allowed. "Thankfully, the school principal and dean supported me," she wrote to me last night when I asked her more about it, "and I'm proud to say that by the end of each school year, I had broken most of my students of the habit. I know a few teachers adopted the same policy in the last year I was there." Get psyched, parents: Katie is studying to be a physical therapist.

It's not always easy to call people on the use of the words, I know. A few weeks ago, a neighbor exclaimed "That's retarded!" as we were walking home from the train, deep in conversation about work stuff. I didn't want to derail our chat, but I couldn't keep quiet. I put my hand on her arm. "I know you didn't mean it, but that word is offensive to me," I said. She apologized, said her mother had always told her not to use it, and that she'd try harder. Then we went right back to talking about work.

My saying something to one person and airing pleas on this blog, Katie giving out demerits to students—small efforts, I know. Neither of us are going to change the world or eliminate the word, but we are changing perceptions among the people in our circles. And to me, that's a lot.

Meanwhile, if you haven't heard about the uproar over the new movie The Change-Up and its use of the word "retard" and "Downsy" (a whole new slam!), check out the post I did on Parents. Be warned, you're gonna get mad.

13 comments:

  1. Hi, I just sent you an email about #StopDisabilitySlurs ! stopdisabilityslurs@gmail.com

    - Gretchen

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  2. I read Rob's post about The Change-Up over at Fighting Monsters with Rubber Swords and it appalled me. That sort of movie isn't really my "thing" anyway, but even if it was I sure wouldn't watch it now!

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  3. I love what you're doing here and I'm glad I could do something similar, on a smaller scale. xo

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  4. It takes courage to say something so that's great that you are trying to change the world one person at a time.

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  5. As I said on robs blog the word downsy is not new. It is or at least was used fairly commonly by nurses and doctors in delivery rooms and used well in to the last decade. "downsy around the eyes" was often said in the medical videos I reviewed when further testing was ordered. the lovely book Life as we know it recounts just such a statement from medical personnel. I wasn't aware that others hadn't heard it used before. I think rob though articulated an excellent reason this is so offensive in this context.

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  6. I know that post made me more willing to call people out on it. I wrote a little bit about it after the GQ article, but you are the one who inspired me. So thanks!

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  7. Ellen, I read your post on Parents re: the offensive comments made in the movie "The Change Up" & I was simply shocked by the readers' comments. Apparently, I'm "overly sensitive", "too PC", & should just "get over it" because the word "retard isn't meant to be offensive" anyway. To those who feel this way let me say this, I will always speak out when I feel that another human being is being treated unfairly, particularly if that human being happens to be my son. And for those who don't like that, you can feel free to "get over it".

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  8. I think the main thing to remember is it's not the word itself that makes the movie offensive- it's the context used. Is the character supposed to be good? Is the word itself being played for laughs, or the character's stupidity in using it? We can't do a blanket ban of a word. However, to use it for humor is something entirely different.

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  9. I am ashamed to say I used the word returd before I read one of Katie Leong's posts it's not so funny when you realize that you are degrading another human being

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  10. I am a special education/classroom teacher in a small town in Saskatchewan. Last spring I shared your blog about the r word with my students in grade 7 and 8, one of whom is my daughter, it was such an amazing experience as they talked through how they never realized what they were saying etc. Since then I have had many of them come up to me and explain how they have corrected their friends and even their parents when they have heard the r-word. I have even had some of their parents comment to me on how they had been enlightened by their children. I read your blog faithfully and am always uplifted and inspired. Thank you!

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  11. It is really hard to be confrontational. I am not usually the person that will say something. But being the parent of a kid with autism has helped me stand up for what needs to be said. Having the support of this community certainly helps!

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  12. Annie, I'd never heard the word "Downsy" before. New or not, it's just awful. Rob's post was excellent.

    crazyforkate: Honestly, I could care less about context. Anytime "Downsy" is used is offensive. And the words "retard" and "retarded" also need to go away. They're offensive, for reasons I've discussed on this blog and many, many others have as well. It's the reason the Special Olympics started an entire campaign, End The Word, against them. Obviously, it's not realistic to have a "ban." But like I said, all I can do and all any parents can do is keep pointing out the words are hurtful. It's like Nisha says here: It's not so funny when you realize that you are degrading another human being.

    JennieB: Yes, it's sometimes hard. I try not to think of it as being confrontational but educational. :) That helps.

    And dophincyn, you made my day. I needed to hear that today. My Parents post got some truly mind-boggling awful comments—especially on their Facebook page. Thank you.

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  13. I haven't and don't think I want to see it. I'm ashamed to say that I used to use the word retarded before I had my son Noah. Noah has made me a better person. I'm also shocked that the readers would say that you are "too PC and sensitive". I'm sure they wouldn't say such crap if they really understood how terrible the R word is. My son doesn't have a cognitive delay though I'm going to defend those who do. But the SO's end the word campaign just isn't going to work for obvious reasons. It's also a waste of time and resources that could be used more wisely.

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Thanks for sharing!