Thursday, February 4, 2010
To my husband: Instructions for the care and feeding of the kids
I am off to Blissdom, I hope you won't miss me tooooo much. I did not get you a Mr. Mom t-shirt in honor of this occasion, but what you do get is the kids, all to yourself! I will be thinking of you while I am listening to seminars/having a drink/mingling/hanging with Harry Connick Jr./having another drink/attending more seminars/going to parties/dining out/going to after-parties/staying up till all hours of the night doing who knows what. But no worries, I will be really attentive at the seminars.
A few pointers to keep in mind while I am away:
• The kids need to be dressed and fed daily. Just sayin'.
• Contrary to popular belief, we do not have a self-cleaning kitchen floor.
• If Sabrina asks to watch a third iCarly in a row, the correct answer is "No."
• Repeat after me: "Because I'm your dad and I said so."
• If Max asks to wear his new purple Converse sneakers to bed, let him. But don't tell Sabrina.
• Potty seats are your friend.
• If Sabrina asks to wear her "It's all about me!" t-shirt for the fourth day in a row, the correct answer is "No" but you will not win that one so just give up and let her. If she smells, do not spray her with Lysol.
• If you are downstairs late at night and you hear something going on upstairs and you go up and find out the kids have turned on the TV and are watching it, it is best to not join in. (See "Because I'm your dad and I said so.")
• Please don't let Sabrina update my Facebook status. Last time, she wrote "Asdfghjklzxcvbnm$$yh$$$$$$$$o" and people seriously thought I was on drugs.
• In case of emergency: Feed the kids Drumstick ice-cream cones.
• I will instinctively and intuitively know if you let Sabrina watch three iCarlys in a row. Just sayin'.
• If while I am gone you could train the kids to completely dress and feed themselves, use the vacuum and learn how to make phyllo-crusted salmon and coconut layer cake, that would be awesome.