tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post8050772986362761381..comments2024-03-28T03:35:52.176-04:00Comments on Love That Max : Helping kids with special needs fit in: I did not buy the purple CrocsEllen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-47089857591263982922016-01-15T19:34:19.344-05:002016-01-15T19:34:19.344-05:00Your a confused person who needs to learn more abo...Your a confused person who needs to learn more about special needs kid's train of thought before you make a statement like that! Normal is bullies and won't do nothing good. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-38939861434310089852016-01-15T19:22:17.793-05:002016-01-15T19:22:17.793-05:00I personally think that was a former bully talking...I personally think that was a former bully talking, I was a special needs kid and DESPISED mainstream so much I wanted to burn everything that I had and never wore anyways. I wear jiggly pants everyday (except days I come home late because theu can be tacky to the corrupted eye). I wear a brand of shoe nobody has ever heard of.I always felt if its not comfortable it's getting tossed when I move out. If however a job requires a code, I will wear it bit changel when I get home. There's always a kid who wants to be his friend. But he may do what you don't expect him to do and reject the whole entire world for not allowing him to be him. I'm trying to push for a time when kids with special needs gets called kids... nothing else. All your doing is making even more stereotypes that will HURT your child. And no it really don't pain you because it should not be discouraged.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12412609052850701196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-63058529207393831142012-12-18T10:42:32.110-05:002012-12-18T10:42:32.110-05:00(...cont)
We're lucky with Ash, in that he ha...(...cont)<br /><br />We're lucky with Ash, in that he has varied enough interests that it's easier to -- at least some of the time -- give each its outlet in the more "appropriate" venues, without feeling like we're keeping him from anything. We can suggest he talks about the Plants Vs. Zombies game he got to a new level of, at school with his friends, instead of the Sesame Street video he watched. He can wear Tigger pajamas, but the t-shirt from the zoo with the real tiger on it, during the day. Halloween? He's not going to be in a superhero costume like most of the other boys his age, but an easily-recognized literary character from a book he read and they won't be able to for several more grade levels (The Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz), isn't the simplest thing for 7 year olds to find scorn-worthy, either. He's never going to be wearing sports jerseys either, but dragon shirts are, while somewhat uncommon, generally considered an acceptable eccentricity. His favorite color happens to be blue, so no one blinks when that's obvious in 90% of his wardrobe.<br /><br />We're also lucky in that we've been able to "fake it" a lot with his clothes, when it comes to his motor issues. Since he's in second grade now, it was time to lose the velcro, but I rigged regular sneakers with homemade elastic shoelaces that look like the real thing, and he can slip his shoes on and off, but they stay firmly in place when on. He has issues with zippers, snaps, and tight buttons, but if I can get the fit right with loose-fitting jeans with adjustable elastic waistbands, I can get them to (mostly) stay on his tiny waist, while he can still pull them on and off over his hips, without having to undo or redo anything.<br /><br />Tangentially, have you tried SoftClothing for Max? They make fake jeans and fake chino-style pants, last I checked, that pull on and off like sweats, but look less like them.<br /><br />I've done reviews for the company three times, including their "jeans"...<br />http://unhandicapping.com/softclothing-review-and-summer-giveaway/Rhiannon Fierihttp://unhandicapping.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-78511808546125851352012-12-18T10:42:08.512-05:002012-12-18T10:42:08.512-05:00This issue, like so many in parenting -- let alone...This issue, like so many in parenting -- let alone special needs parenting -- is one of balance. Where do we draw the lines when indulging our children isn't so clearly and completely supporting them? (That question comes up with a LOT of things, not just this one!) Is it easier to take a moral stand when it seems an issue of gender identity, than just a personality-woven color fixation? How can the indirect (and yet, potentially far too direct) ramifications of drawing increased negative attention, be weighed against Max's right to choose what earns it, his joy over what would end up earning it, his lack of care or even awareness of his own, that he would earn it....but how can we really judge that itself for him, for now or the future as his understanding develops but the people around him take more and more for granted? Really, there's two to two thousand directions you could argue any facet of any facet of this. The practicality of crocks -- color and style acceptability aside -- barely factors in, in the onslaught, until you're looking for something, anything, that is less subjective. (Although a lot of pediatricians do recommend against them, and a lot of schools don't even allow them.)<br /><br />What it comes down to, in the end, is that you had to make a choice, and you made what you felt was the right one, although the harder one. For that, I applaud you. Fact is, it was a very specific decision, based on your specific kid (with whom, at this point, there would be no wearing them only SOME of the time, etc.), etc., and not a preemptive judgement on what any of the other parents here have commented on feeling they have done / would do, for/with their own kids. Hell, it's not even a judgement on what YOU would do, with slightly different things. Max has his purple bandannas. He got his Thomas costume....or was it Lightning McQueen? I might be crossing similar posts from different people, in my under-caffeinated mind. You have not decided to strip away all things that do or could bring Max joy and the opportunity for self-expression, if they happen to be socially frowned upon. You walked away from one thing, after deciding it would add as much bad, if not more bad, than good to his life.<br /><br />(cont...)Rhiannon Fierihttp://unhandicapping.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-80116581641939369732011-04-27T16:02:01.260-04:002011-04-27T16:02:01.260-04:00I heard a son who grew up to be quite well-known t...I heard a son who grew up to be quite well-known talk at his mother's funeral. One point was that when he went off to college, he wanted to take his very old-fashioned comic book collection. She warned him that if he took them the first semester, he would be the "geeky" (not his words) person who brought comic books. After he made friends, he could bring them and it would be an endearing trait. <br />I liked how she presented it as something ok in itself, but alerted him to complications and alternatives. Essentially helping him figure out how to manage the reality of the situation he was going into. <br />This was a super high IQ boy attending private school and living in a working class neighborhood, so you can imagine they had managed several situations. And sometimes those situations had physically dangerous possibilities.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-5162422653948182692011-04-27T03:12:17.214-04:002011-04-27T03:12:17.214-04:00I just went through something similar today, when ...I just went through something similar today, when I told my 12 year old son that his Barbie cannot leave the house anymore. He doesn't get that the kids tease him because he clutches Barbie everywhere he goes, he only knows that they don't like him. I want him to be who he is, but at the same time, need to help him learn how to work within society too. It's always a struggle.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02438544499114652291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-11735760551859983152011-04-26T15:41:46.093-04:002011-04-26T15:41:46.093-04:00I agree with you. And then I also agree with Feli...I agree with you. And then I also agree with Felicia--whose words and philosophy I admire greatly and only wish I could get myself there. I came here from the Happiness Project just for a look. I will proceed to count my blessings, and admire people facing the big challenges of special needs kids--Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09841223908918831660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68478394859236025882011-04-26T08:22:38.494-04:002011-04-26T08:22:38.494-04:00Ellen - I found you via Gretchen's blog. I'...Ellen - I found you via Gretchen's blog. I'm not a mom, but I wanted to say that I really admire what you did. You did it to make your son's life easier and to protect him from bullies.<br /><br />- megs283Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-80392187746021453552011-04-26T04:24:30.326-04:002011-04-26T04:24:30.326-04:00Oh, and there are plenty of nice sneakers with a l...Oh, and there are plenty of nice sneakers with a little bit of purple, aren't there? How about purple laces in normal shoes? You can die them yourselves if you can't find them.Annenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-31316585433907272522011-04-26T04:17:38.860-04:002011-04-26T04:17:38.860-04:00If it makes you feel better about the crocs: pedia...If it makes you feel better about the crocs: pediatricians ask NOT to buy them for children if it is something they might wear a significant amount of time each week. The feet of younger children are still growing, and they need the full support normal children footwear give them. Crocs may feel great on your soles, but they are not right for children's feet :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-40566886625256570102011-04-26T03:21:31.932-04:002011-04-26T03:21:31.932-04:00Wow, what a great post - thanks so much! The comme...Wow, what a great post - thanks so much! The comments are also fascinating. My background: our eldest (now 13)has minor disabilities which make 'ordinary' clothes uncomfortable and also has a major 'no logo' obsession because he refuses to conform to what others expect of him. Therefore, we have been through a lot to try to help him to feel comfortable whilst not drawing unwanted attention from his peers. Here's another factor to consider: you also helped your son by realising that happiness doesn't depend on 'things'. Yes, he could have been happy with these crocs but he can also be happy without them. They were only a thing, and you are much more important to him than even the colour purple!Flosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18098894367955345944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-3588131379782605202011-04-25T17:04:23.610-04:002011-04-25T17:04:23.610-04:00@Felicia
I applaud you for allowing your son to ex...@Felicia<br />I applaud you for allowing your son to express his gender identity. I think too many parents are concerned with getting their kids to adhere to some social norm of who they "should" be, and you can really destroy someone's self-worth that way. That's a lot of the reason why the rates of suicide and drug use are so much higher for LGBT kids. By loving and supporting your son in being who he is, you are helping him be better able to stand up to those who don't understand.<br /><br />Ellen, I can't fault you for trying to be the best parent you can be--I applaud <i>you</i> for that. Personally, I'm in the camp of those who would have bought the Crocs, unless you thought Max would really be bothered by or hindered by other people's opinions of him because of them. If the only person bothered by other people's opinions of him is YOU, well... then maybe you were doing it more for yourself than him. That's OK too.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03117752360285429048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-91737276177960663652011-04-24T17:35:05.657-04:002011-04-24T17:35:05.657-04:00Good on you for helping Max to fit more into "...Good on you for helping Max to fit more into "normal" it always saddens and angers me when I see young adults with learning disabilities dressed like grandparents, fortunatly this is much more rare now. These guys are living a much cooler life than me at the moment (I'm back with my parents for a while) http://www.the-specials.com/<br /><br />It's a shame about your neighbourhood, they need to liven up. I think purple crocs with a few boys jibbets would be really cool!<br /><br />I accidental helped turn my friend's son's yellow into an obsession. I asked him "Are you yellow Michael?" after he had been pointing out yellow flowers, buses and cars to me. If he wasn't then, he's definitely "Yeyow Mitew" now! His twin brother's favourite colour is pink.Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18101092105052176177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-27610909939222826082011-04-23T10:57:17.060-04:002011-04-23T10:57:17.060-04:00Justin Bieber is JUSTIN BIEBER! Purple Crocs would...Justin Bieber is JUSTIN BIEBER! Purple Crocs would not up Max's cool factor around boys his age. Like I said, I am trying to help him fit in, not stand out. If you don't have a kid with special needs, and have not observed the way other kids stare and snicker at your child, you might not understand this.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-36271320935947504912011-04-22T23:21:27.869-04:002011-04-22T23:21:27.869-04:00Ellen, He's still only 8!! You need to run bac...Ellen, He's still only 8!! You need to run back to Target and get him a pair and yourself too! Who gives a rats! He will be soooo happy and that's what's worth it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-73154532771648992532011-04-22T21:02:33.758-04:002011-04-22T21:02:33.758-04:00Justin Bieber's colour is purple, you know, an...Justin Bieber's colour is purple, you know, and that kid is the most idolised teenager on the planet...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-51436918644087239652011-04-22T11:15:42.819-04:002011-04-22T11:15:42.819-04:00Felicia -- my son shows NO preference which is why...Felicia -- my son shows NO preference which is why I try to make good choices. <br /><br />You have tried both paths and are doing what is best for you. WAY TO GO MOM!Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-31307365845863853692011-04-21T21:04:30.578-04:002011-04-21T21:04:30.578-04:00Jen, in our neck of the woods, a kid his age in pu...Jen, in our neck of the woods, a kid his age in purple Crocs would not look cool. <br /><br />This all seems so shallow to say! I don't concern myself with whether or not Sabrina looks cool, but Max needs help fitting in.<br /><br />Georgia Girl, our school wants Max to only wear sweatpants because of the same reason, they are easier than other pants to pull up and down. We got him a few pairs that were a size too big, and they'd fall way down below his butt and he looked like the biggest homeboy--the way I see some teens and twentysomethings in NY dressing sometime, like their pants are about to drop to their ankles. <br /> <br />Now, I guess that is a cool look. But not in our 'hood.<br /><br />Still working on figuring out clothes that work for Max. It's an issue, because of his dexterity.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-39285143572332415752011-04-21T20:21:01.469-04:002011-04-21T20:21:01.469-04:00Ellen, I kinda' thought that would be the case...Ellen, I kinda' thought that would be the case! Gotta love a guy with determination!Mohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10083710958029714414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-61616550244453908032011-04-21T20:20:21.376-04:002011-04-21T20:20:21.376-04:00I meant to put my name on that -- I hate being &qu...I meant to put my name on that -- I hate being "anonymous".Jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-45417610748596438352011-04-21T20:19:12.731-04:002011-04-21T20:19:12.731-04:00Bright purple Crocs on an 8 year old boy doesn'...Bright purple Crocs on an 8 year old boy doesn't seem weird at all. Maybe it's just where I live? My typically developing 9 yo wears a lime green pair wherever he can. A (male) classmate goes with the orange everyday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-2699012952808916362011-04-21T16:08:52.958-04:002011-04-21T16:08:52.958-04:00I agree with you...Olivia loves, loves, loves Sesa...I agree with you...Olivia loves, loves, loves Sesame Street but I don't let her wear anything that's too babyish. It's hard though!Tiffanyhttp://www.elastamom.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-41534209930117763662011-04-21T15:02:57.234-04:002011-04-21T15:02:57.234-04:00My son, Robbie, is 32 years old with the developme...My son, Robbie, is 32 years old with the developmental age of 3 to 4 years in most areas. As his M om, of course I want him to "blend in" as much as possible. For the past 31 years, he has worn sweatpants in the winter because of the convenience of the elasticized waist. He does go to the bathroom independently and he cannot zip/unzip zippers without assistance because of his left-sided hemiplegia. I was growing tired of the worn out, pill-covered sweatpants and I had an epiphany....why couldn't he wear blue jeans made for women with the elastic waist?? I bought a pair as a trial and he loved them! Now, he doesn't want to wear anything else and his closet is full of them. I buy new ones on sale and also find great deals at thrift shops and Goodwill stores.<br />My point is this: I feel that Robbie looks more like his peers.<br />I have always felt that the better Robbie looks, the more accepted he will be by the "normal" people (for lack of a better description).<br /><br />Like the rest of you were describing about your own children, he DOES have his favorite t-shirts that have Bear in the Big Blue House on them and Winnie the Pooh and he wears them at home, but not out in public. His day center tries to stress that he needs to be treated as an adult, but that doesn't always set well with me since mentally he is NOT an adult....he is an eternal 3 year old with the body of a grown man. And all of this seems perfectly normal to us...his family!georgiagirl30720https://www.blogger.com/profile/12744732438641784067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-91189526458839876872011-04-21T14:43:17.739-04:002011-04-21T14:43:17.739-04:00Way to go Mom! There is another problem now thoug...Way to go Mom! There is another problem now though. You will never be able to take him to Target again...Haley's Momhttp://haleysmomwonders.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-19299826294609207112011-04-21T13:37:41.274-04:002011-04-21T13:37:41.274-04:00It is tough to help our kids socialize. Mine (blin...It is tough to help our kids socialize. Mine (blind, Asperger's) didn't wear jeans until he was a junior in high school. Now 19, he's finally ditching the track pants for jeans and khakis, a much more socially acceptable look. <br />I had a tough time buying pants and shorts for him, wanting him to look "normal" but wanting his comfort as well.Daisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11647906900944224234noreply@blogger.com