tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post4597715395643723564..comments2024-03-28T03:35:52.176-04:00Comments on Love That Max : The trouble with social media birthday celebrations for kids with special needsEllen Seidmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-75627799676653467762015-04-14T10:09:38.403-04:002015-04-14T10:09:38.403-04:00Would you have felt bad if you invited your entire...Would you have felt bad if you invited your entire class to have fun at your birthday party and NO ONE showed up or RSVPd saying they were sick, injured, on vacation, or observing a religious holiday? In your average class of 15-30 students, I don't think their schedules can overlap so there is one day that leaves them all unable to attend a birthday party.Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-8541162393209660392015-03-28T18:10:50.642-04:002015-03-28T18:10:50.642-04:00Suzanne,
Your points simply make no sense and not...Suzanne, <br />Your points simply make no sense and not revelent to this discussion. I hope that what is happening to your daughter is being addressed appropriately by professionals through the school. I hope you can at sometime reconsider your backwards thoughts on social and community inclusion. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-59846850548073564162015-03-26T17:04:38.000-04:002015-03-26T17:04:38.000-04:00I could not agree more. I could not agree more. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-54541486386868384562015-03-26T17:04:23.366-04:002015-03-26T17:04:23.366-04:00Two more excellent points!Two more excellent points!Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-28131471150191014452015-03-26T17:04:01.169-04:002015-03-26T17:04:01.169-04:00I wonder that, too. But Odin's mom obviously k...I wonder that, too. But Odin's mom obviously knows him best, so I'm sure there's good reason why she thought to do this for him. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-29406193168308588362015-03-26T17:02:33.580-04:002015-03-26T17:02:33.580-04:00Interesting thought, Kathryn. Interesting thought, Kathryn. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-28511509522070007382015-03-26T17:02:20.710-04:002015-03-26T17:02:20.710-04:00I know what you mean: is it parents projecting the...I know what you mean: is it parents projecting their ideas of happiness onto their kids, or do these kids actually want it? From what I've read the kids have genuinely appreciated the gestures. But, yes, my concern is the lack of regular company. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-41595796264078375942015-03-26T17:00:43.963-04:002015-03-26T17:00:43.963-04:00"Great minds." :)"Great minds." :)Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-10367954721977169592015-03-26T17:00:28.245-04:002015-03-26T17:00:28.245-04:00I don't know for sure, of course, but I think ...I don't know for sure, of course, but I think people do this because it genuinely makes them feel good, and it's simple—it takes just a few seconds to leave a birthday wish on a Facebook page, and it doesn't take that much effort to send a card or even a little gift. As for parents calling schools to ask for help with extending social bridges, in my experience, this doesn't really lead anywhere. It's not the school's responsibility to do this. A caring teacher might help, but that's about it. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-28598448418866160332015-03-26T16:58:36.842-04:002015-03-26T16:58:36.842-04:00Exactly!Exactly!Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-70748862943271160022015-03-26T16:58:22.451-04:002015-03-26T16:58:22.451-04:00Yes, he has very much enjoyed the inclusionary pro...Yes, he has very much enjoyed the inclusionary programs he's participated in. I think ALL children benefit from it—interacting with people who don't have disabilities is the real world. Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-76380035763461094162015-03-25T12:02:24.790-04:002015-03-25T12:02:24.790-04:00Nope – I really do believe, practice and teach my ...Nope – I really do believe, practice and teach my kids that they’re required to treat everyone kindly and politely. I don’t require them to LIKE everyone – because that’s neither reasonable nor within my control.<br /> <br />And, again: A birthday party invitation is not a subpoena. <br /> <br />There are delightful kids with SN (ditto for non-SN kids). There are kids with no SN who are total pills (ditto for kids with SN). A kid’s personality is NOT their SN. It is ludicrous to expect a kid to be liked SOLELY on the basis of their SN. It’s equally wrong to dislike a kid SOLELY on the basis of their SN. Disliking one PARTICULAR kid who happens to have SN is very, very different than disliking kids with SN, writ large.<br /> <br />My eldest has a classmate, C, who has an ‘invisible’ SN that manifests behaviorally – an occasionally sweet kid who is grabby, has no sense of personal space, who steals/trashes her (and everybody else’s) stuff and will text my kid 100s of vile things an hour anytime he gets his hands on a cell phone. Both kids are 9. She (understandably) loathes him. She’s civil and kind to him. It’s more than many a grownup can manage.<br /> Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14075630681598355493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-68774571273651650352015-03-25T08:35:17.182-04:002015-03-25T08:35:17.182-04:00In defense of Suzanne she made some very good poin...In defense of Suzanne she made some very good points. Something as ordinary as not sending out the invites soon enough could be the reason for the initial lack of attendance, but it's being overshadowed by the kid's disability.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-62070363703180720782015-03-25T00:05:57.511-04:002015-03-25T00:05:57.511-04:00Wow ! I find your response to lack empathy for Odi...Wow ! I find your response to lack empathy for Odin (or any child in a similar situation), and your thought process is dismissive of his real struggles. Your statement ' everybody is entitled to be treated politely and kindly' is obviously something that you simply preach but do not practice ! Everyone deserves and needs to be loved, supported and included in their community. We have an obligation to TEACH all of our children this and to participate in our community and families to make this happen. <br />For the record, I do not support this " one day inclusion" from communities but hope that it brings attention to the issues and fosters change and discussion about how we can all help to include everyone in our school, neighborhood and family communities enriching the lives of all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-57245548787124394522015-03-24T21:50:23.888-04:002015-03-24T21:50:23.888-04:00An invitation to a birthday part is NOT a subpoen...An invitation to a birthday part is NOT a subpoena -- simply reviving an invite does NOT obligate a kid to attend. <br /><br />While at first glance it sounds awful that 13 yo Odin invited 15 kids to his party and not a single kid agreed to attend, there's a whole lot we do not know or that doesn't seem to have been taken into consideration, including, but by no means limited to:<br /><br />1. Was the kid genuinely friends with the kids he invited to his party? Or at least somewhat well-acquainted with the invited kids? Loosely defining "friendly acquaintance" as "has the other kid's phone/email and has communicated with them outside of class". <br /><br />(13 yos tend to manage at least some of their social lives independently -- so it's perfectly acceptable and not even "mean" to decline any invitation for any reason. Bullying is a pattern of behavior, so declining one invite from one kid doesn't Qualify).<br /><br />2. was there [something big] going on at the same time as his party? If it coincided with spring break (most kids away on bacation), a big religious holiday (a kid who has lots of Jewish friends will have a poor turnout if his party falls on Yom Kippur), some major game (like Super Bowl), etc. <br /><br />3. How far in advance were the birthday party invitations sent? <br /><br />(I grew up in a mostly-Jewish neighborhood, so age 12-13 = 18 months of 2-3 bar/bat mitzvah paties per weekend, with invitations sent 6-8 weeks in advance).<br /><br />There's also no nice way to say this: Everybody (kids, grownups, disabled and not) are entitled to be treated politely (as it stops the world from descending into anarchy) and kindly. Period. That's the bare-bones minimum required by the social contract. Everything and anything beyond that (including having friends) is gravy. <br />Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14075630681598355493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-70753270249568362172015-03-24T19:43:12.270-04:002015-03-24T19:43:12.270-04:00I do agree that I don't like this trend. I hav...I do agree that I don't like this trend. I have a number of issues with it, in terms of the way it is essentially singling out children with disabilities as being friendless and publicising it to the media, resulting in sympathy. It goes against inclusion as a lot of people are fighting for. However, I think at a core level, we should be teaching all our children about quality over quantity. Honesty over appearances. All of that good stuff. Briana and Bellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08765070916916335861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-80808110518866018272015-03-24T19:21:11.402-04:002015-03-24T19:21:11.402-04:00I agree 110%! Also, I worry about the child's ...I agree 110%! Also, I worry about the child's privacy. Is it fair to the kids whose parents do this to essentially announce to the world that their kid has no friends and turn the kid into some sort of charity project? They may be lovely on the surface, but the sincerity of things like this are lacking.Emily @ Words I Wheel Byhttp://wordsiwheelby.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-58356001792602520112015-03-24T18:07:07.088-04:002015-03-24T18:07:07.088-04:00I love the points you bring up here, Ellen...and I...I love the points you bring up here, Ellen...and I'm also wondering about what Odin's mom said here: "I'm really struggling with finding a way to make today awesome for him, when it will just be us celebrating" ... I get that she wants her son to have friends and all, but what's wrong with a family party? I'm not on the autism spectrum but almost every single one of my birthdays were just family celebrations, and they were plenty awesome. It kinda bothers me a little that the mother doesn't think her son can have an awesome time unless he has a crazy huge party. <br /><br />I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade here...I love the outpouring of support for Odin and for all of the other children mentioned, and I 100 percent agree that inclusion needs to be a 365 days a year kind of thing! Like you, I'm just wondering if perhaps there are better ways to pursue inclusion than a giant birthday party.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-46966712037417285992015-03-24T17:57:02.785-04:002015-03-24T17:57:02.785-04:00Good points! It is awesome to send a card or prese...Good points! It is awesome to send a card or present to some kid out there who has special needs and is going through a hard time. But maybe that can also inspire people to look around in their own "real world" and think of ways they can help the people around them. They won't have to look far to find a child who is similar to Chad, Colin or Odin. Making sure that child gets invited to your child's birthday party and is actually welcomed, talking to your own kids about other people's differences and how they might invite that lonely kid to come sit at their lunch table, or realizing that the 10-year-old having a meltdown in the grocery store is not necessarily "spoiled rotten" and realizing that he and his parents are doing the best they can.Angel The Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16158672957404194956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-58253087426883339612015-03-24T16:39:28.904-04:002015-03-24T16:39:28.904-04:00I have been thinking about it and came to a conclu...I have been thinking about it and came to a conclusion. If young people see these moments often on social media, they may begin to think that the only ones able to make a person with special needs happy is a celebrity and anything that they do wouldn't be helpful. Just another reason to wary of this and its effects on inclusion.Kathrynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-82892113882004158922015-03-24T16:36:01.494-04:002015-03-24T16:36:01.494-04:00I agree with you on this Ellen. If people are kind...I agree with you on this Ellen. If people are kind enough to come to the bowling party thanks to a viral invite, why didn't the original 15 invited kids come? Also, it's one thing to come to an "event" for a disabled kid. It's quite another to be a consistent friend or companion.<br /><br />One other thought ... Perhaps there are some kids with Aspergers or other conditions who don't really care to be social, to have a lot of friends, to have a traditional "party". I assume Odin didn't feel this way, since he was happy with the response, but sometimes it might be the parents who are worked up about lack of a certain kind of socialization, while the kid may be fine with it.apulranghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16133974049950425863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-46221589453320094222015-03-24T12:40:57.200-04:002015-03-24T12:40:57.200-04:00i just wrote almost the exact the same thing on my...i just wrote almost the exact the same thing on my FB page, Diary of a Mom (a reader told me that you'd posted this:)). I'm with you. jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12741476791827870513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-55496190870673055172015-03-24T10:37:21.219-04:002015-03-24T10:37:21.219-04:00I've never had this done for me. It can be a g...I've never had this done for me. It can be a gateway for predators and haters, but it can be something nice to do for someone alone on their birthday. Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-46851019330296507352015-03-24T09:42:19.401-04:002015-03-24T09:42:19.401-04:00I'm all over the place with this. I can't ...I'm all over the place with this. I can't decide if I love it or hate it. Then the cynic in me can't help but wonder if some people are starting to do it simply because of the "going viral" effect? I know how awful that sounds but it seems to be happening so often now that it makes me leery. My heart breaks for the kids that are being so obviously left out but wouldn't it be more helpful for the parents to call their school and ask for help on extending social bridges rather than reaching out to a world of total strangers? And, just my opinion, giving out your kid's cell number to virtual strangers is taking it to a whole other level. It's dangerous to say the least. smilinjohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16774270348325860387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-401303964563152307.post-90632942276140206062015-03-24T09:28:22.233-04:002015-03-24T09:28:22.233-04:00Hey -- I am writing on this topic today, and I cou...Hey -- I am writing on this topic today, and I couldn't agree more!BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilitieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06901482901008135659noreply@blogger.com