Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Was it really the best day of his life?


The videographer who recorded Max's bar mitzvah recently asked me to choose a couple of songs for the highlights video he was making. One was easy—"Firework," a song Max loves, the one that played as he made an entrance to the party. The other was harder. Max also loves the song "Happy" by Pharrel Williams. Me, I love "New Soul" by Yael Naim and "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay.

The chosen song: "Best Day of my Life" by American Authors. It's upbeat and fitting. As I pondered it, though, I started wondering whether the bar mitzvah really was that best day of his life, and whether it would be the only such occasion we'd celebrate.

I've thought about this before. Another mom of a child with disabilities who planned her son's bar mitzvah had told me they were going all out because her son would not get married. "It's his bar mitzvah and wedding day rolled into one," she told me.

I admired her spirit, even as I had a silent freakout about Max. Would he ever get married? In general, I try not to think too hard about that because as I well know, it is not possible to predict what the future holds. As his mom, I would like to have him find happiness in love, and someday rejoice at his wedding. I've been inspired by stories about couples with disabilities I've heard over the years. I've also wondered whether Max could or would have kids; he is so sweet and loving with Ben. Every time he gets home from school, he bounds over to Ben and says, gleefully, "Hi, Baby Ben!" and I melt.

I try not to hope too much; this isn't something I can control. My marriage was one of the best days of my life, along with the birth of each of my children, but it does no parent any good to project their ideas of bliss onto their children. At heart, I know that however Max finds happiness is what's best for him, and Max is a person who regularly finds the happy. He's planning to see Zootopia this weekend with Dave, Sabrina and my sister's family at a theater that serves meals as you watch the movie, and all week long he's been telling me it's going to be the best day ever. 

Max also said it was the best bar mitzvah ever. I'm choosing to think that it's just one of many monumental occasions that will occur throughout his life, in whatever form they take. And, yeah, the boy's got some time to find true love if that's what his future holds. Although the other day, he made a point of telling me that this girl at school he adores, J, isn't just his friend—she's his girlfriend. WHAT?! 

10 comments:

  1. This is a question for anybody, really. I always expected to get married, but haven't. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Max does. If I'd known when I was younger that I'd remain single I would have been upset and embarrassed. But my life has been so interesting and rewarding! Singleness is not the dearth of joy imagined. Max has the attitude to make his life wonderful no matter what happens or doesn't happen.

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  2. I think Max has a good chance of finding love...if he wants it.

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    1. Anna....
      "I think Max has a good chance of finding love...if he wants it." I absolutely agree, Friend!! Max does have a good chance of finding love, true love, an until-death-do-you-apart sort of love!! He is sweet, charming, funny, thoughtful.... I would find him attractive!! Not to sound creepy or anything, but I might marry Max if only he was not too young for me!! Ha!! Like Ellen, I, too, have read so many stories about special needs individuals falling in love.... True stories.... "Feel good" stories.... To quote J.P.'s line on "Angels In The Outfield".... "Hey!! It could happen!!" ;)
      "Stay hard, stay hungry, stay alive", Raelyn

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  3. FWIW, most Bar Mitzvah boys are not really thinking about marriage yet, and girls are pretty ewww, or at least off the radar. And many people find happiness in life without marriage and/or children, as well.

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  4. You know what? I think people can have a lot of best days just like they can have a lot of best friends!!! I still remember my Bat Mitzvah as one of the best days along with lots of other celebratory moments, trips, etc. Life is too long for just one best day! xxxoo

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  5. Ellen....
    I am going to risk contradicting what I wrote in Anna's reply above.... But Max's Life, Max's future, it could unfold either way.... As only God knows.... He has Max's seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years planned out!! Here goes.... Not everyone is meant to get married.... And that's absolutely alright!! If Max never gets married or has any children, but Sabrina and Ben do, then Max will make an awesome, silly, jokey, fun-loving, playful, easy-going, rule-breaking, protective, firefighters-"obsessed", favorite Uncle.... Who encourages imaginative play in his nieces and/or nephews.... Whom they will frequently fight over.... Who is hands-on and always, always, always there for his nieces and/or nephews.... Like Uncle Jesse from "Full House".... And that is definitely not a bad thing, Friend!! ;)
    "Stay hard, stay hungry, stay alive", Raelyn

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  6. This is one as a parent you need to leave alone. Unlike graduating school, finding a job, living independently , finding love shouldn't be a set milestone!

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  7. I'm sure it WAS the best day of his life, but that doesn't mean it always WILL be! Regardless of things like marriage, he seems like the type of kid who will always find something to celebrate.

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  8. Max will have many more best day like high school graduation college graduation and big birthdays im sure of this Ellen

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  9. So so glad it was such an amazing day and WHAT TO GIRLFRIEND??? So not ready for that :)

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Thanks for sharing!



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