Thursday, August 8, 2013

Motherhood, pretty much summed up


Which of the following did I not do this week?

• Stayed up till 1:00 a.m. in a coffee-feuled marathon to catch up on house chores.
• Proceeded to make cucumber salad till 1:30 a.m. with cukes from our neighbor's garden because, heck, what else did I have to do at 1:30 a.m.?
• Inserted not one but two contacts into my left eye in the bleary-eyed morning.
• Almost let Max walk out the front door to his school bus without shoes on.
• Got in touch with a bunch of carpenters for price quotes on redoing our house's warped soffits (if you don't know what a soffit is, consider yourself lucky).
• Raced out of work, drove an hour and a half to see Sabrina perform a seven-word part in her camp's production of Lion King, ignored her glares because she hates when I take pictures and nodded off during Hakuna Matata.
• Watched Herbie Rides Again for maybe the 50th time with Max. (No exaggeration.)
• Had extended discussion with insurance company rep about AWOL claims and actually said, "I don't understand how these forms keep going missing. Is this some sort of conspiracy?"
• When faced with extreme meltdown over empty box of Cocoa Krispies, hid in the bathroom.
• Called pediatrician's office to send prescriptions needed for Max's school; got neurologist's office to call in the compounded medication necessary to prevent seizures; begged pharmacy to send the stuff over asap so it's here before vacation; realized kids also needed more prescription vitamins because the damn water has no fluoride so called them in too.
• Came home from a rare weekday night out with a friend to find Sabrina asleep in our bed. I kissed her, figuring I'd just let her stay. She woke up and murmured the words every mother wants to hear: "Mommy, kids in our camp have lice!" And then she fell back asleep. On my pillow.
• Downed bowl of cold leftover mac 'n cheese for dinner because even putting it in the microwave seemed like too much effort.
• Got entirely too excited when a colleague I haven't seen in 15 years said "You look exactly the same!"
• Discovered someone had placed Max's braces in the recycling bin. Perhaps someone named Sabrina.
• Touched up a turquoise pedicure with a Crayola crayon.
• Let Max sit in the bath tub for a half hour kicking his feet and playing that ever-popular game, Tsunami on the Bathroom Floor!
• Deflected Sabrina's persistent "Can you have another baby?" requests and then, when we were in the Cold Stone Creamery parking lot and she asked "How do you get pregnant?" I replied with, "What flavor of ice-cream are you getting?"
 • Spent 10 minutes of pre-camp (Sabrina) and pre-school (Max) a.m. time searching online for a Cars 2 backpack with both Lightning McQueen and Francesco Bernoulli for Max.
• Spent another 5 minutes trying to start a lanyard stitch for Sabrina and acting like I knew what I was doing.
• Unearthed juice pops dating back to the Paleolithic Era in the netherlands of our freezer.
• Exchanged dozens of emails with Max's therapists.
• Filled out eleventy billion school forms.
• Panicked about buying school supplies.
• Figured out a solution to world peace.

Guess?

23 comments:

  1. I'm guessing you did all those things I'm tired just reading your list LOL

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    Replies
    1. Nope, not ALL! :) Also: Yes. Tired.

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  2. The only thing that you might have not done is make the salad - but if you were cleaning until 1 what another 30 minutes ?!

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  3. I'd say maybe (maybe) you didn't do eleventy billion school forms, only maybe (maybe)ten-ty.five billion.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, my number count just might have been off by 500,000 or so, to be totally honest.

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  4. i am guessing 'solution for world peace'...if not, then I am going to run and hide in a closet as I am already pretty much lost with just one kid and a full time job.

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  5. I remember those days so well. Working a very stressful job, 2 kids a year apart, trying to stay on top of housework, grocery shopping, dr Visits, EOB's that were always wrong....you get the picture. I am now a grand momma to 3 1/4 kids. Not working and seem to have gotten lazy. Makes me tired just reading this. But when I look back they were some of the happiest times. Enjoy them if you can find a minute. Lol

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    1. Yep, that's me now (although I really enjoy work I'm doing these days). And thank you for that perspective. It's hard to look beyond when you're in the thick of it, but this summer the kids are growing a lot and I am very aware they are getting to be BIG.

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  6. I'm guessing you didn't touch up your turquoise pedi with crayon. Everyone knows that crayons suck for pedi touch ups, and the turquoise is always missing from my set anyway. I'm sure you used kiddy markers. Then it washed off in the shower and now you're cursing Crayola for making those damn markers washable. Shuh.

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    1. Actually, I DID!!! I smooshed on a thin layer, out of desperation. Not ideal as a turquoise Sharpie, but had not one on hand. Desperation is the mother of invention.

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  7. I've started scanning every_single_form into my computer. Then when they "lose" it I cheerfully say, "Oh, no problem - let me email you a copy!"

    Very funny post!!

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    1. Oh, that is WISE! I need to try that.

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  8. I think it was touching up your pedicure with a crayola because you will do that NEXT week. I think your solution to world peace is for all the world leaders to hide in a cupboard (Brilliant)!

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    Replies
    1. Donna: That's. Just. Genius. Or they could all hide in the bathroom?

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  9. I agree with FunMum because everybody does know that crayons are horrible about sticking to the things we want them to, like our toenails. They're much more permanent on my off-white couch. Oh and I think you may still be working on the last one. Just a guess though. Also? If you figure that one out, what will beauty pageant contestants wish for? They need to say something!

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    1. I just cracked up! Pageant contestants would be up a creek, for sure.

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  10. Go to sleep. Chores and salad are not worth sleep deprivation at 1:30am.

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    Replies
    1. Chores, not so much. But it was a really good cucumber salad! I tried this recipe: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/adriennes-cucumber-salad/

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  11. Laugh so hard about the lice incident, she might be thinking about it all day, it's like she knew you'll be 'delighted' with the news. Oh sweet girl.

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  12. Yikes! Lice! If she does have it, I hear mayonnaise works really well and moisturizes your hair more than apple cider vinegar, which is what I used when I had it as a kid.

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Thanks for sharing!



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