Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A special needs Hooters? Bring it


"Candidates debate state disabilities policies: Advocating state funding for Hooters with special needs...."

The press release popped up in an email recently, while I was riding on a train in a semi-trance induced by the lull of movement and having actual time to think.

Wow, I thought. A Hooters for special needs? That's being funded by a state?! Eeep. Ick. Had business in this country reached such lows that the government was stepping in to help establish a special needs Hooters?

I pondered what that even meant.

Maybe they were going to hire busty waitresses in wheelchairs? Busty bartenders with Down syndrome? Busty cashiers with autism?

Maybe they were going to adapt beer bottles and mugs so that guys with cerebral palsy would be better able to hold them?

Maybe they were going to make specially-shaped chicken wings so they could be more easily grasped, too?

Maybe they were going to bring in big-boobed singers with disabilities?

Maybe they were going to create a Hooters app for speech-impaired people? You know, one that could utter phrases like "Hey, baby, I'll have a pitcher!" or "Nice wings ya got there!" or whatever customers at Hooters typically say?

As my imagination whirred, I decided that if this meant guys with disabilities could better enjoy Hooters, then I needed to reconsider my initial "ick" stance.

Now, it's not that I want Max to put "Become a regular at Hooters" on his life bucket list. Actually, I'd prefer he avoid that place like the plague. I'm not gunning for him to someday sit around leering at women and objectifying them.

But when he grows up, I want him to be able to go there—if he wants to do that.

I want the choice to be his. 

I want the entire world open to him, with all the freedom accessibility and inclusion bring.

Even Hooters, so be it.

I took another look at the news release. "Advocating state funding for Hoosiers with special needs," it said. It was from the Indiana Daily Student.

Oh. Hoosiers, not Hooters.

So, no Hooters for special needs in the works right now. Never thought I'd fantasize about that but, hey, it wouldn't be a bad thing.


Photo: Flicker/Parka81

15 comments:

  1. Hahahaaaaaaa - Thanks for the morning chuckle Ellen. This one has me in tears. Somehow I don't think dads of special needs kids would mind this one ;)

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  2. Haha! Oh the possibilities! Just be glad it wasn't a verbal conversation that left the person you were speaking with in a bewildered trance thinking about boobs and wings! Well instead you've got your whole blog membership thinking about it. Quick...patent the idea!

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  3. Haha so funny!! I live it!

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  4. Bwahahahaha! Love this. Also, considering how much Jake loves to hug women with big chests... a boy can dream, can't he?

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  5. You're the best, Ellen! You crack me up. And you're absolutely right. Hooters needs to be accessible. And I happen to know it is - because my friend's 14-year-old son who has CP goes there with his dad whenever his mom is out of town. (Or at least threatens to!) And when he does the waitresses give him lots of attention. Boys! What can we do! - Erika at Hand to Hold

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  6. Hi Ellen,
    I just got back from a student concial meeting(even though school does not start for a month) and we had to choose a cause to support /educate about for the whole year. As freshman this is daunting but we choose Youth Rally For Respect. It has to do with Spread the Word to End the Word and getting the group who uses it the most(teens) to stop. The miraculos thing is the president who uses the word alot agreed(well us (4 girls) bribed him) The actual rally wont happen until March and while tradtionally meant for high schoolers we have premission to include the middle schoolers as well.We will be busy until and after the rally. The seniors even liked our idea!
    From Kathryn

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  7. Bwahahahaha! That would be an interesting idea. Maybe you could send it to the head of the comapany.

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  8. "Acsexible"
    http://loveonwheels-ekiwah.blogspot.com/2010_06_06_archive.html

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  9. LOL! You had me laughing on this one. :)

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  10. Ha ha ha!!!

    Emily Litella, is that you??

    Never...mind!!!!!

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  11. Hahahaha this was really funny! My favorite part was about the communication app. :)

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  12. B W aka Barbara from BostonAugust 9, 2012 at 12:20 AM

    Go Kathryn - great job, made even better by including younger kids. Way to be role models!
    Ellen, i have to tell you Hooters makes the best hamburger I have had in Massachusetts and the Tampa, Florida area. Yes its a tacky concept but friends in the Tampa area turned us on to it. Its a family show there. Our friends rented a limo and it took their son there for his birthday. He has a photo of the event surrounded by all the waitresses.

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  13. Having been to Hooters with friends who use communication devices, I can affirm that there are many creative discussions to be had, and that providing accessibility to this establishment is a most worthy cause. Men, after all, never mentally develop past 14 years of age, despite what numbers may get iced on top of the cake.

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  14. ELLEN! Do you remember me, Jennifer...we were in the Jersey shore house about 13 years ago and you talked me off the rollerblading bridge?! Anyway, Ive read many of your articles and think Max and your daughter are SO LUCKY. to have parents like you and David. I have something of yours and would like to mail it. Shall I send in care of Good Housekeeping? You were always my favorite of Lin's friends. Which is huge cuz you know she had hundreds! Love to you and your family, Jennifer

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Thanks for sharing!