I have a piece out in the October issue of Redbook, Just Call Us Halloweenies. It's about how I learned to accept that Max couldn't go to our town's Halloween parade because of his sensory issues, and the alterna-celebration we've come up with. Last year, some of you may recall, he and Sabrina completely ditched the costumes.
It has come to my attention that my piece is a menace to society. This afternoon, I got the following email:
Just read your piece in Redbook about Halloween. Actually, about your decision to be "quirky" and not dress up in costume when you trick-or-treat with your kids. That's really not quirky - it's rude, boring, and shows a lack of spirit. Sure, Halloween is for kids to get candy, but my reason for staying home that day and handing out candy is for my amusement, too - to see all of the unique costumes and the creativity and planning that kids and parents put into dressing up. If more people decide to take the easy, quirky (?) way out and not dress up, my days of answering the door for trick-or-treaters will soon end. If your kids don't wanna dress up, don't take them out. Period.
At first, I took the situation rather lightly and responded:
Actually, it was the kids' decision not to wear costumes (if you really read the piece). I will be sure to inform my children that they are rude, boring and lack spirit, especially my child with special needs. Cheers!
I got this answer in return:
I read the piece...you are the adult - let the kids know that if they won't dress up, they won't get candy. If they're too young to understand, just skip going out at all. Just take a poll and see how many people enjoy handing out candy to kids that aren't in costume. Its people like you that ruin the spirit of that day. I just hope that folks don't read your article and all decide to take the easy way out. Best regards!
By this point, I was getting worked up by the prospect that my essay had the potential to ruin Halloween for millions of door answerers everywhere.
I do not want people protesting outside my home, pelting me with candy corn as I make a dash for my minivan.
I do not want to appear on Letterman and publicly apologize for what I have done.
I do not want to go down in history as the lady who destroyed Halloween.
Unfortunately, it is too late to get Redbook to slap a "Caution: contents may be hazardous to your Halloween health" sticker on the October issue. It looks so fun and full of good things; one would never suspect the killjoy essay that lurks inside.
So please, be very, very careful when you read the issue and you get to my piece. It may just influence you to let your kids celebrate Halloween in their own way and otherwise do evil.
You have been duly warned.