Friday, July 3, 2009
Thinking ahead—and trying not to
We're on a mini beach vacay, so I roped in Debbie over at Finding Normal to guest post. I absolutely love her honesty, humor, determination and strong grasp on reality.
As a special needs mama, a Warrior Mama, I try not to think too far ahead. I try not to worry about when Addison will eat by mouth, or when she'll walk, or where she'll be placed for Kindergarten. Or how she'll be as an adult. A teenager. A seven year old.
I try not to consider the long-term effects the daily struggles will have on my other child. Or my marriage. Or my sanity. Or our finances.
I try not to worry about if she'll ever talk. Or what other surgeries she'll need. Or how many hospitalizations lie ahead.
I try really hard not to determine what developmental age they'll next classify her at, or when/if she'll be labeled "mentally retarded". I try not to worry about the mountain of paperwork that I'll complete as she ages out of Early Intervention. And then eventually the school system.
I try not to wonder about just how much she has left on her lifetime limit for our private insurance. Or what she'll need next that our insurance will refuse to cover.
I try not to think about potty training, or when diapers will be covered, or if she should get a Nissen. I try not to think about when she'll stop being failure to thrive. Or her lifespan. Or the seizures that will likely show up one of these days.
I try really hard not to worry about all of these things. Some days I do a better job than others. Tonight I rocked my girl and realized none of it is under my control anyway. And worrying really doesn't do any good, does it?
Posted by Ellen Seidman at 12:10 AM