6 hours ago
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday Morning Confessional: Are you done having kids?
This Arkansas couple, The Duggars, has 18 kids (their latest is just a few days old). Kind of makes two seem like cake.
Recently, there was a lively discussion about third kids on a mom e-loop I belong to, something Dave and I have been pondering for years. Some moms talked about how two kids are manageable, but with three everything is harder—traveling, eating out, finding a sitter, affording them all. One mom who'd had two kids followed by (surprise!) twins said she thought it would put them over the edge, but the twins have been great for their family. Another undecided mom mentioned that one thing she can't shake from her head is the number of older people who have told her they wish they'd had more children. Then there was a mom who told of meeting a woman with four kids. She asked how she knew she'd wanted a fourth, and the woman answered, "When I thought of my family portrait on the mantle, someone was missing."
On most days, I'm plenty happy with two kids, and plenty busy. I worry that having a third would detract from the attention I give Max, and he needs as much of my attention as he can get. And I worry that three is tempting fate. Max had a stroke at birth, Sabrina was born perfectly OK. Could we have another healthy child? But, then. I love children. A third could be beneficial for Max in all the ways that Sabrina has been—he sees her doing stuff and he's motivated to do it (though I wish she hadn't taught him to pour bubbles into the coffeemaker). A third child would also be around to help Sabrina look after Max someday when Dave and I are gone. Life would be hectic, sure, but we'd settle into some sort of routine, just as we did with one kid, and then two. Our latest thinking: ????????? And furthermore, ????????????
So, I ask: Are you done having kids? Why—or why not?